I was asked to write a poem from the perspective of the angels in my dream.I have posted this once before, but not with all the other Falling Angels poems. It is a sequence of poems responding to a dream.
Falling
We are stars We are born We are made to burn We flame We explode or burn out We are made to die
We are angels We are made to fall We all fall We are white falling in black space Or black falling in white space If you prefer It doesn’t matter It is the contrast that is important There is no light without dark
We are angels We are made to fall We all fall
Do you fear your fear? your anger? Your grief? falling? death?
We fall for you
If you reject your fear your anger your grief falling death
We will fall for you We accept falling
All must fall
If you accept your fear your anger your grief falling death
PANDAS PHYSICIANS NETWORK: PANS/PANDAS AWARENESS DAY
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No pandas
I don’t have PANDAS because in the United States we barely believe in it in children and we don’t at all in adults.
I don’t have PANDAS because even though one psychiatrist said I did, he retired, and the next one says I don’t. Then not sure then no. They don’t agree.
I don’t have PANDAS because my primary care doctor won’t read the guidelines even after I have been her patient for seven years.
I don’t have PANDAS because my pulmonologist has never heard of it.
I don’t have PANDAS because it would be a lot easier to put me on a mood stabilizer to shut me up than listen to me.
I don’t have PANDAS because I am labelled difficult because I am afraid to take a mood stabilizer because I do not get a fever or a white count so my main symptom of infection is that other doctors think that I am manic though I am hypoxic and short of breath. They want to fix my mood while I want to not die of pneumonia, so our goals are at odds.
I don’t have PANDAS because I am a doctor and if I had PANDAS my fellow local doctors would feel guilty that they have told each other that I am bipolar and manic for the last 18 years and have shunned me at the county medical meetings and won’t even send me the invitations, except for the one that forwards them. He says he has given them my email and he doesn’t understand why they don’t send me the invitations.
I don’t have PANDAS because Seattle Children’s doesn’t allow the Cunningham Panel to be drawn and they say there is not enough evidence yet.
I don’t have PANDAS because I can’t afford to pay $925 on my own for the Cunningham Panel and anyhow my antibody level is back to whatever is my new baseline, higher than before no doubt.
I don’t have PANDAS because the other doctors are frightened: if I have PANDAS then who else does and if I have chronic fatigue caused by hypoxia and fibromyalgia and it’s related to PANDAS then who else would they have to test and neuropsychiatric is a whole different thing from psychiatric and we swear that we don’t know what causes chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia.
I don’t have PANDAS because I am an adult who lives in the US though if I was in Canada or Europe I could in fact have PANDAS.
I don’t have PANDAS because in the United States we barely believe in it in children and we don’t at all in adults.
It is easy with you All the places you’ve been offended Where you haven’t been treated right A bike shop Food co-op Coffee shops Restaurants
It’s easy to hide my physical body Where you can’t find me
But what of my mind and heart
You always feel it when I go
I go to the Beloved I give up I cast myself into the abyss Grief, denial, loss, bargaining, abandonment, hopeless grief I throw myself over the cliff Over and over I resist And then let go
It’s not wings Because the cliff is a waterfall I don’t want wings And the Beloved laughs
Wings form I refuse to fly I won’t I won’t I won’t I fall towards the water
Each time I wonder If this time the Beloved will not shift I hit the water
I go in the sea of dreams open the chest the trunk the saddlebags Empty the dirty laundry Of emotion On the floor Grief and joy Fear and hope Mine All mine
There is a place Beyond words I see you in that place It is very old And very young It is so frightening to go there Lose words The first time It is haunted and hunted
Are you aware Of that place Do you go there Of your own volition? Or do you struggle Fight and suffer in the Choppy boundary between air and water Fear drowning Water surrounds you Above you too You are in the wordless place Over your head Are you too deep?
Open your eyes In the green water light A mermaid waits to lead you To a rope to a raft And me
Discover and re-discover Mexicoβs cuisine, culture and history through the recipes, backyard stories and other interesting findings of an expatriate in Canada
Engaging in some lyrical athletics whilst painting pictures with words and pounding the pavement. I run; blog; write poetry; chase after my kids & drink coffee.
Refugees welcome - FlΓΌchtlinge willkommen I am teaching German to refugees. Ich unterrichte geflΓΌchtete Menschen in der deutschen Sprache. I am writing this blog in English and German because my friends speak English and German. Ich schreibe auf Deutsch und Englisch, weil meine Freunde Deutsch und Englisch sprechen.
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