tubing

The oxygen tubing follows me everywhere.

I have a large concentrator for inside the house. There is long green tubing that I plug into the pale tubing that goes to my nose.

When I go upstairs, it’s a bit complicated. I have to unplug the pale tubing and plug the upstairs long green tubing into the downstairs long green tubing and the other end into the pale tubing. Then untangle it and I can walk around upstairs and still breathe.

To go outside, I have small cannisters. Unplug from the big concentrator, plug into the small cannister, turn the concentrator off, turn the small cannister on. Get purse and whatever the heck else I am carrying. Try to remember if the small tank is close to empty. I am carrying an extra small tank in the car. I have to turn the tank off to change the respirator, then bleed the remaining pressure, then take the respirator off. Yesterday I put the respirator on upside down. The tank hissed at me like a terrifying snake. I have warning signs in my front and back windows now: do not smoke, oxygen in use.

I took care of a man in the hospital overnight once who HAD smoked on oxygen. The ER doc called me to admit him. “He lit his oxygen on fire with a cigarrette.” “And how bad is he?” “We need to monitor his lungs.” “IF HE HAS LUNG BURNS SHIP HIM TO SEATTLE, HELLO!!!” “Well,” says the ER doc, “Ok, he’s probably fine, just burned his nose. But I am not quite comfortable sending him home.” “Oh, well, then, geez. Okay, whatever.” Wimpy ER doc. I didn’t mind once he was honest. The patient admitted that he did not want to do THAT again and yes, his nose felt pretty burned.

No smoking at my house. I am not tempted to smoke ANYTHING. When I was twelve, I smoked pretzels with my cousins and sister. They do not stay lit well but we laughed a lot. It was really fun.

I don’t have enough green tubing for the basement. So there are monsters and I don’t go there any more. No, I can use one of the portable cannisters to start a load of laundry. I am supposed to only use the portable cannisters when I leave the house. Used one yesterday to go in the front yard and garden. Stomped the spade in, levered up the grass. Wait and breathe. Wait. Ok, stomp the spade in the next place. Wait and breathe. Wait.

I get more oxygen on Wednesdays. Tomorrow. If I BEHAVE then after a month, I will get a small concentrator that I can walk around with. Then I won’t have the bloody tubing tail. I am seriously looking forward to that. I still will have the tail some of the time because the concentrator will have charging and a battery life and AUGH MY OXYGEN RAN OUT WATCH OUT WORLD I AM HYPOXIC AND DANGEROUS!

I trip over the tubing and it gets tangled and I get caught on things and it yanks at my head. My dance skills and balance are way better right now ON oxygen than OFF it. I am not nearly as neurologically whacked out when I have the oxygen. Makes me wonder… I don’t feel nearly as much OCD/ADHD/oppositional defiant. Well, ok, the oppositional defiance is rather baseline for me.

Makes me impatient, but then, whatever. I will still get stuff done. You are only as disabled as you decide to be and this will barely slow me down. Hope I get off oxygen eventually, but that is not clear. With repeat infections your lungs can scar. Hope not. Time will tell.

And donate to something to get oxygen to India. I can hardly bear to look at the news about it. I felt so awful with just mild hypoxic, that went undiagnosed for 5 weeks. Dying of suffocation is not fun. Donate.

broken

I wrote this poem in 2014. Sometimes you know things without knowing them. Or you know them before you are ready to know them and so…. you forget.

broken

I think you said
“Break her.”

And you told them how.

You told them my weaknesses
and my strengths.

You told them that I twisted your words.

You said, “You twist my words.”
K said, “You twist my words.”
S said, “You twist my words.”
Ko said, “You twist my words.”

and on everything2
they, too, twist my words.

Twist
twisted
fisted.

When the outer is charming and perfect
the damage is inside.

I wear my spikes on the outside.


No one, to date, has been allowed more then
visitation rights
inside.

No one except
you
and my children
and all children.

Only they are allowed inside.

Twist
twisted
fisted.

I am broken.

But I was always broken and knew it.

I hope that no one cut their hands
when they tried to smash me.

Pretty on the outside
deadly on the inside.

Yet I think a spark in you said,
“Break her.”

What you didn’t tell them
is that I don’t bother to lie
because no one listens anyhow
no one ever listened
and so I can always tell the truth
until they stop listening.

because they don’t believe me

but you knew

I tell the truth

And I was already broken.

8/22/14

And this should connect to this: https://drkottaway.com/2014/11/

Influenza: check your pulse!

This year influenza is bad. My key test in influenza is not a chest x-ray. It is taking a resting pulse and a walking pulse.

Why? Influenza can cause a walking pneumonia. Walking pneumonia is where the lungs are infected throughout and there is tissue swelling. It is different from a lobar pneumonia. In lobar pneumonia people run a higher fever, look sicker, and on the chest x-ray, that part of the lung is white: infection, not air.

In walking pneumonia, the chest x-ray may be read as normal. This is because all the lung tissue is equally swollen. The swelling means that there is less air space. The person may feel ok at rest. They feel exhausted when they walk because the heart must take up the slack for the missing air space, the swollen lungs. At rest this week one person’s heart rate is 84. After walking it is 124. Normal is 60-100, so 124 is like running a marathon: exhausting and hard on your heart and body.

I have patients saying “I was sick two weeks ago and I am still exhausted.” If their pulse is much over 100 after they walk, they cannot work until it comes down. If they work and wear themselves out, the lungs can’t heal. The treatment is rest. If they are at work with a pulse of 114 or 124, then they risk getting a secondary infection in already damaged lungs. They could die.

Check your pulse at home. Count the number of heartbeats in 60 seconds. That is your pulse. Walk around, sit down, and check again. That is the walking pulse. Over 100 is not normal.

This is a bad influenza. The tamiflu (oseltamivir) helps but works best in the first three days of flu. Check your pulse, be seen, rest and get well.

http://www.peninsuladailynews.com/news/three-die-of-flu-on-peninsula-public-helath-officals-say-a-fourth-death-said-to-have-been-in-seattle/

pig in blankets

For mindlovesmisery’s Heeding Haiku catch reality: With a nasty cold, I have to be off from work for long enough that I won’t cough talking and get pneumonia again. But the work piles up…

pig in blankets

virus swollen drain
balance, rest while paper piles
return to work soon

You noticed the pig in the blankets..but did you notice the other?

aha!.jpg

Miss Boa likes the blankets. A purring comfort for me.