Update on whatever it is I have

I had the heart echocardiogram bubble study. Normal. I really really did not like having the mix of blood, saline and AIR injected and I COULD FEEL IT. My logical brain knew it was going into a vein, but my emotional brain kept yelling “Air embolisms kill people!” Yes, but that is arterial. My emotional brain did not care. Anyhow, it was fine.

Saw the cardiologist who said he can understand why I feel PTSD going into my local hospital. He says I should not need oxygen at age 60 with no smoking. He says “Not your heart.” Yeah, duuuude, I know. He suggests I go to the Mayo Clinic. I agree.

Meanwhile, my primary sent a referral to rheumatology to have me seen at Swedish to confirm chronic fatigue. This is to keep the stupid disability off my back. Swedish rheum doesn’t call me. I ask my primary’s office. Swedish STILL doesn’t call me. I call them, as follows.

“Hi, I was referred to Swedish rheum and I have not been called.”

“Name, serial number, date of birth, length of little toe. Ah, we just received the referral yesterday.”

“Um, I don’t think so. I was referred over a month ago.”

“Uh, oh,” scrabble noises, “Oh, uh, we got a referral in December. We were not taking new patients in December.”

“When did you start taking new patients?”

“Oh, um.”

“When did you start taking new patients?”

“Oh, uh, January. But we only took the ones that called us, because after they call, we then review the notes.”

“So you ignored the referral until I call? How am I supposed to know that?”

“Oh, uh, we will expedite your referral. Maybe even today.”

So THEN I get a message from my primary that they have REFUSED the referral. Great.

Meanwhile I read the cardiologist’s note, which pisses me off. “We will refer you to Mayo Clinic since you have unexplained hypoxia and you think you have PANS.”

I send my primary a very pissed off note saying, could we please phrase this as “a psychiatrist suggested PANS in 2012 and while no one likes this diagnosis, no one else has suggested an overarching diagnosis since that time in spite of her seeing four pulmonologists, neurology, cardiology, infectious disease, four psychiatrists, allergy/asthma, and immunology”. Saying “the patient thinks she has PANS” automatically labels me as crazy and obsessed.

So, it seems I should write a book, about how the medical communities treat patients, including a fellow physician, horribly. Of those doctors, three have treated me with respect and were grown up enough to say, “We don’t know.” The neurologist, the infectious disease doc and the present pulmonologist. All the rest are dismissive and disrespectful. Oh, and the one psychiatrist, but the next one says, “I don’t believe in PANDAS.” I stare at him in disbelief, thinking “they are animals related to raccoons that live in China, you moron”. I did not even know it was controversial until that moment. Holy PANDAS, Batman.

My primary has suggested I write to the Mayo Clinic myself, and I am going to. Because the present people aren’t listening, except my pulmonologist and she is short staffed and looks like death warmed over post call every time I see her.

So it’s all annoying as hell. The cardiologist seemed pretty nice, but damn, he put the same damn rumor down about me self diagnosing. Most of the doctors apparently think I might be a tolerable person if they could just drug me with psych drugs. And from what I have seen, there are many patients who are in this situation.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: WAR.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30724577/

Antibodies to tubulin

All right.

I am thinking about tubulin blocker antibodies. How would they work?

About 2 weeks ago, I had trouble walking down the stairs because my quadriceps just did not want to bend. In fact, all of my muscles felt awake and grumpy. As if I were Sleeping Beauty, now awake. Of course, if I was Sleeping Beauty and some jerk kissed me awake, I’d punch his lights out. Hands off!

Anyhow, I concluded that my tubulin antibodies had released. Was I better?

Well, no. It’s been weird. In me it’s the voluntary fast twitch muscles that don’t work when I have a PANS/PANDAS reaction, so they are back on line. The grumpy muscles are the slow twitch ones who essentially are screaming “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, I’VE BEEN DOING ALL YOUR WORK SINCE MARCH!” Nine months. The fast twitch muscles are weak, the slow twitch muscles don’t trust them and I am having trouble getting it all to work together.

My balance is fine. It just all hurts and is a bit unreliable.

I was in Michigan for Thanksgiving, staying with old friends. My oldest friend there is 80 and does not have wi-fi or any internet. That made doing any blogging quite a challenge and many thanks to everyone who pointed creative spelling. I would go to her son’s house daily and try to put up the work I’d done at her house. Not the way I usually do it and three kids distracting me, which I enjoyed.

It is bowling that makes me realize how weird my muscles are right now. I went bowling with the middle (15) and younger (11) child. Mom watching all of us. My role is Weird Aunt, more or less. I have bowled maybe 12 times in my life. I guttered the first three balls, a 9 pound orange beauty. My muscles all started screaming at me at once in my upper and middle back. Oh, I thought. So I slowed way down and tried to slow bowl. Next was a strike. I ended up bowling 100, which I guess is not so bad for someone who really has no idea what they are doing. My muscles were grumpy but slow was ok and I didn’t pull anything badly. Next morning I am quite stiff.

I am trying to figure out how to rehabilitate the muscles. Do I exercise? Slowly? It’s as if half a team has been missing for 9 months and is now back. The remaining team members are tired, pissed off, and have figured out how to work without them. They aren’t very pleased about relinquishing control and they don’t trust the part of the team that’s been missing. I would go to my doctor and ask to see a neurologist or ask for physical therapy, except that since PANS/PANDAS is barely believed in in children, there are only a few doctors that work with adults and other doctors seem to think they are quacks. One writes articles for Psychology Today. I’ve thought about contacting him, but he’s a psychiatrist. How much do psychiatrists know about muscles?

Let’s extrapolate this too, to the people with really bad chronic fatigue. Presumably they have antibodies to tubulin that affects more muscles, fast and slow twitch. No wonder they lie in bed. I would presume that they are hypoxic too, if they could walk, but they barely can. The Functional Medicine doctors are treating folks with hyperbaric oxygen and I think it might help with these muscles that don’t work and can’t move. It is sneaky. It’s not that the muscle can’t move at all, it isn’t paralyzed, it’s just that the exhaustion and fatigue that comes after moving it is terrible. The body says very very clearly : “DON’T DO THAT.” And we are still in the infancy of looking at antibodies, so we aren’t measuring them. I was going to say we can’t type them, but that’s not true. We are using monoclonal antibodies to treat cancer, so there are ways to isolate and type them. Medical science may explode with this and can’t you see the potential for misuse? Imagine an army affected by a tubulin blocker antibody, against an army with a tubulin augmenting antibody. Holy moly. It has the potential to be really really horrific, which is why I am putting all this up on everything2. Keep it in mind, ok? Nothing like making information public to prevent secrets from screwing us over.

And that’s the news from me. “Har det godt!” which is Danish for “Have it good!” or have a really good day.

Pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric syndrome

Yes, well, PANS rather than PANDAS. PANDAS is just a cooler acronym. Who wants a syndrome named after a kitchen implement? Not me. And probably tuberculosis (my mom’s) was the initial insult and then I was one of those kids who gets Strep A at least yearly. My daughter too, but my son only had Strep A once.

This is actually Pseudoautoimmune. That is, the antibodies that show up to Strep A attack parts of ourselves. It buggers up the acronym so they are not calling in PPANS. Yet. And eventually they will have to drop the Pediatric, so then it’s back to PANS. Oh, well, I can live with a stupid acronym.

My current theory is that the four antibodies that they’ve found so far are an interesting back up crisis system. Either stress or infection can set them off. Once the antibody levels are high, a person gets

1. Either brain fog or some variation of ADHD/OCD/Manic-depressive/TICS/Oppositional Defiance/etc. The brain fog can be labeled depression or memory loss, partly depending on the age of the person.

2. Muscle weirdness: either super strong/super endurance or slow twitch/fast twitch/both muscle dysfunction. With slow and fast twitch muscle dysfunction, theoretically that would be a source of at least some of the chronic fatigue. Chronic fatigue pretty much happens over night and is triggered by one in ten severe infections and/or stress. Though possibly more with Covid-19. The latest estimates are 30% of everyone infected has some form of Long Covid.

3. Anti lysoganglioside. I am still studying lysogangliosides. They lyse ganglions. In theory if this blocks the lysogangliosides, there could be a higher risk of cancer. If the ganglions are lysed more, well, more brain dysfunction and memory loss. I also noticed that I had tremendous muscle pain if I ate the wrong things. This could then be the mechanism for some of the fibromyalgia people.

How to fight this?

It’s not going to be popular in medicine, particularly allopathic, because the main treatments that I can think of are NOT DRUGS.

1. Look for infection and treat it. Penicillin is cheap. High dose if the person doesn’t respond. I don’t look septic when I am near septic: no elevated white blood cell count and no fever. It’s the urine output multiplied by 5, that is, 10 liters instead of 2 liters in 24 hours, that is the clue. This time I did not get to that point and it was milder. Though I need oxygen.

2. Quiet the immune system. Teach the slow breathing that we are using for chronic pain and our anxious people and PTSD veterans. Going from the ramped up hyper crazy sympathetic nervous system state to the quiet relaxed parasympathetic nervous system is a skill that I think anyone can learn. The immune system calms down in the parasympathetic state and antibody levels will drop. The naturopaths want to give tons of pills (that they sell from their clinic or get a kick back from the on line company) for “immune dysfunction” but most of it is crap. Yes, crap. So the naturopaths won’t like this idea either.

3. For the anti lysoganglioside, I’ve treated this by changing my diet. When my antibodies are high, I have to keep my blood sugar as low as possible which means I go keto. As the antibodies come down, I can add foods back in. I am eating everything now except gluten. The gluten is annoying but Things Could Be Worse. Lots worse. This time I figured out that gluten, fructose and sucrose were culprits but not lactose and as I get better rice, potatoes and corn are fine. I dislike soy and always have, except for soy sauce and tamari. Tofu tastes like squishy cardboard to me, yuk. The gluten thing may get better, but since it appears that the baseline of the antibodies rises with each infection/attack, it might not. I will ask for celiac testing in January if I haven’t improved by now. I am not a “bad” celiac who gets terrible symptoms if there is a whiff of gluten. A little doesn’t bother me. French toast two weeks ago brought back the diverticular symptoms and kept hurting for a week. This did motivate me to hold off on gluten. Especially in the holidays and traveling. Again, everyone makes different antibodies, so the food patterns could be highly variable in different people. How very very interesting.

4. Treat the psychiatric stuff. If antibiotics and slow breathing and other parasympathetic exercises don’t help the person, then add the psychiatric drugs. But I’d try the above three first, unless the person is suicidal or threatening others. I am a drug minimalist. Eat food, exercise, have friends, work some, play lots and avoid pills. Including vitamins and supplements.

And that’s the basic plan for treating PANS. The symptoms of Long Haul Covid-19 bear a strong resemblance to my four pneumonias: brain fog or psychiatric problems, shortness of breath, fatigue, muscle pain. Therefore I would try similar treatments which may help some people with Long Haul Covid-19, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia.

We will see if I make any headway at all.

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For more about PANS/PANDAS: https://home.liebertpub.com/news/revised-treatment-guidelines-released-for-pediatric-acute-onset-neuropsychiatric-syndrome-pans-pandas/2223

adaptive theory of PANS/PANDAS

This is my working theory on PANS/PANDAS. Pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric syndrome/Pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric disorders associated with Strep A.

Four or more antibodies. The antibodies can take different patterns in different people.

  1. Antibodies to dopamine 1 and dopamine 2 receptors.

The antibodies are like keys fitting in a lock. The key may fit in the lock and BLOCK or fit in the lock and OPEN IT. So, there are a very large number of patterns that could arise from this, especially when we remember the rat neuron with 300 different receptors for serotonin in one neuron. Think of the possibilities here.

If this antibody BLOCKS, an ANTAGONIST, it will cause slowing/brain fog/depression/and I don’t know what all.

If this antibody is an AGONIST and the key turns, it apparently can cause mania, ADHD, OCD, oppositional defiance, clinginess, separation anxiety, anxiety, etc.

We do not know what causes psychiatric disorders. Now we have a category called neuropsychiatric, where it is caused by an antibody. Or antibodies. What percentage of psychiatric disorders are caused by this? I am betting high rather than low.

  1. Antibodies to tubulin.

If the antibody is an ANTAGONIST, blocking, then slow or fast twitch muscles won’t function correctly. It could block both. I think if it blocks both, that is the severe lie in bed chronic fatigue. I have trouble with my fast twitch muscles but my slow twitch ones work just fine.

If the antibody is an AGONIST, you get some super athletes. I know a number of people that I would suspect fall into this category. I can name five off the top of my head, friends.

  1. Antibodies to lysoganglioside.

This one worries me. Lysogangliosides lyse ganglions. These antibodies are used in soap making, among other things. They break down fatty cell walls.

When I have a high antibody level, I have trouble eating any carbohydrates. As I improve, I have trouble mostly with sucrose, fructose and gluten but not lactose. Also, when I eat gluten, I get acidic. When you get acidic, your body tries to compensate by slowing your breathing to hold on to CO2, because you need to balance the acid H+ with a base, OH-. So: triple whammy. Acidic I automatically breathe slower, which is not helpful when I am already hypoxic and tachycardic.

I have not figured out whether my antibody is an agonist or antagonist.

An agonist would lyse more ganglions. This could be bad for the brain and for peripheral nerves. Neuropathy and dementia.

An antagonist would stop ganglion lysing. Um, in theory, cancer. Lysogangliosides are supposed to clear out bad cells.My guess is that I have an antagonist because of the family history. At least, on my mother’s and sister’s side. My father smoked two packs of Camels for 55 years and did not get cancer: tough bugger, right? Or did he have an Agonist? This line of thinking makes me very highly motivated to eat in whatever way the antibodies want me to. I do not understand why gluten would trigger this and why the gluten effect in me lasts longer than the fructose and sucrose effect. Gluten intolerance and other gut problems are on the rise and this would certainly explain that. This is the cause of at least some fibromyalgia patterns. Not only does eating gluten screw up my breathing, but it makes any muscle that I have used recently hurt like hell. I ate some meatballs without reading the stupid package back in April. Two hours of chest wall muscle pain and honestly, heart pain. I dug the package out and duh: bread crumbs. Gol dang it, I hate it when I am stupid. However, it hurts like hell but at it’s worst I had normal cardiac enzymes and no heart attack. Weird.

Ok, but WAIT, you said ADAPTIVE. How can this nightmare be adaptive?

Sure, adaptive. Remember the back up system for when we are starving? We switch from metabolizing glucose to metabolizing protein and fats, our own if necessary. We go from glycogen metabolism to protein/fat metabolism which produces ketones.

This is the crisis shit hits the fan emotionally and in plagues system.

So, can be caused by stress or infection or a combination.

Why why why?

Because if the stress gets too high or the infection gets too bad, our body switches gears and runs a back up system. I’ve thought of chronic fatigue as some sort of switch the body throws for years, because it’s the hypercrazy work too hard workaholic Type A people who get it. Type B people do not get it or don’t notice or don’t care. Type B people just say, wow, I’m tired, I think I will rest. The Type A people flip out and say “Put me back like I was!!!!” and then they go to 47 doctors and refuse to do anything the doctors say and do internet research and see any kind of quack you can imagine and they are the most exhausting patients.

Why the psychiatric stuff? Ok, take mania. If there is plague or you are in a really dangerous abusive situation, mania suddenly makes sense. Overnight you are different and what’s more, it scares the hell out of everyone. You are shunned. You are alone. You may get thrown out of a job, family, friend group or all of the above. This would tend to protect you against both plague and the really dangerous abusive situation. Whether you like it or not.

And how clever of the brain/body. Here is a back up system. It changes at least four systems, so you are now a different person. You freak your employer, friends and family out. AND you are sick as shit and they won’t listen. You have to get out and go elsewhere for help or hide in your castle or house or whatever. You can’t move or you have super muscles. And every single person has a different pattern.

I look at the long haul covid. The most common symptoms are psychiatric, shortness of breath and fatigue. Sound familiar?

Now, will someone PLEASE fund my NIH west?

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Guidelines for treating PANS/PANDAS: https://www.pandasppn.org/jcap2017/

No pandas

Today is PANS/PANDAS awareness day. I wrote this a couple weeks ago.

PANDAS PHYSICIANS NETWORK: PANS/PANDAS AWARENESS DAY

___________________________________

No pandas

I don’t have PANDAS because in the United States we barely believe in it in children and we don’t at all in adults.

I don’t have PANDAS because even though one psychiatrist said I did, he retired, and the next one says I don’t. Then not sure then no. They don’t agree.

I don’t have PANDAS because my primary care doctor won’t read the guidelines even after I have been her patient for seven years.

I don’t have PANDAS because my pulmonologist has never heard of it.

I don’t have PANDAS because it would be a lot easier to put me on a mood stabilizer to shut me up than listen to me.

I don’t have PANDAS because I am labelled difficult because I am afraid to take a mood stabilizer because I do not get a fever or a white count so my main symptom of infection is that other doctors think that I am manic though I am hypoxic and short of breath. They want to fix my mood while I want to not die of pneumonia, so our goals are at odds.

I don’t have PANDAS because I am a doctor and if I had PANDAS my fellow local doctors would feel guilty that they have told each other that I am bipolar and manic for the last 18 years and have shunned me at the county medical meetings and won’t even send me the invitations, except for the one that forwards them. He says he has given them my email and he doesn’t understand why they don’t send me the invitations.

I don’t have PANDAS because Seattle Children’s doesn’t allow the Cunningham Panel to be drawn and they say there is not enough evidence yet.

I don’t have PANDAS because I can’t afford to pay $925 on my own for the Cunningham Panel and anyhow my antibody level is back to whatever is my new baseline, higher than before no doubt.

I don’t have PANDAS because the other doctors are frightened: if I have PANDAS then who else does and if I have chronic fatigue caused by hypoxia and fibromyalgia and it’s related to PANDAS then who else would they have to test and neuropsychiatric is a whole different thing from psychiatric and we swear that we don’t know what causes chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia.

I don’t have PANDAS because I am an adult who lives in the US though if I was in Canada or Europe I could in fact have PANDAS.

I don’t have PANDAS because in the United States we barely believe in it in children and we don’t at all in adults.

Pandas and the toughest yarn

After my sister died, I eventually got a box from her home.

People were cleaning it out. My cousin Ko, my friend Caroline, other friends.

Among other things, they sent part of her yarn stash.

What they sent me was the very very fine yarn and the fuzzy yarn. The mohair.

Oh gosh, I thought, they sent me the toughest yarn.

Well, as part of the dealing with the ADHD/OCD antibody annoyance, which makes me wired while the OTHER antibodies make me physically not able to do much, what am I doing?

Sorting my yarn stash, for one. I have a LOT of that lovely fuzzy soft superfine mohair and other superfine yarns. It is tricky to work with because the fine needles are hard on the hands and because if you screw up, it’s hard to take it out. I know some of the tricks: freezing the sweater is one. It makes it easier for the fibers to untangle.

I’ve also been sorting the knitting books and magazines. I have more books. My mother gave me a whole hardcover book on edges and casting on. I’ve used it twice so far. But now I am home, buzzing with antibodies (yeah, sometimes it feels like ants or bees or pins. On the inside.) and so: knit.

And lo, I find this book. Fine knitting. It even has a mohair t-shirt pattern! Awesome, I am going to be knitting up some of my sister’s mohair. Wonderful. I think she’d approve. Also, I plan to be just as glam and sultry as the woman on the cover, heh.

I think I’ll submit this to the Ragtag Daily Prompt: Country Comfort.