harbor

sometimes when
we are alone together
and just talking
wandering from topic to topic

and you say I always disagree
and I say …(I don’t say no I don’t)
and I say I like to think about things
from all sides

and you listen some too

sometimes when
we are alone together
and just talking

it is as if we have reached a harbor
and feel at home

where you can’t find me

Poem: where you can’t find me

It is easy with you
All the places you’ve been offended
Where you haven’t been treated right
A bike shop
Food co-op
Coffee shops
Restaurants

It’s easy to hide my physical body
Where you can’t find me

But what of my mind and heart

You always feel it when I go

I go to the Beloved
I give up
I cast myself into the abyss
Grief, denial, loss, bargaining, abandonment, hopeless grief
I throw myself over the cliff
Over and over
I resist
And then let go

It’s not wings
Because the cliff is a waterfall
I don’t want wings
And the Beloved laughs

Wings form
I refuse to fly
I won’t I won’t I won’t
I fall towards the water

Each time I wonder
If this time the Beloved will not shift
I hit the water

Safe again
Scales and tail
And I can breathe

And swim free
To the sea

Agates

This is a song that needs a tune. Message me if you have one for it…. and thank you

Let’s go to the beach and take a walk
Wander down the sand and share a talk
You have your life and I have mine
Meet for a little while, that suits us fine

We’re searching for agates
You show me how
I’ve lost interest in beach glass now
The clear ones let the light shine through
Like a friend that is always true

Short walks, long walks, walks for miles
Talk wanders, past, present, sorrows and smiles
You show me how agates catch the sun
You find three and I find one

We’re searching for agates
You show me how
I’ve lost interest in beach glass now
The clear ones let the light shine through
Like a heart that is always true

You say in the winter the agates hide
With rain and dark you say we’ll go inside
Make music and sing and learn new songs
And see what else comes along

We’re searching for agates
you show me how
I’m getting pretty decent at finding them now
The clear ones let the light shine through
They almost shine as much as you


written 10/9/20

even if

even if

I never see you again
you never speak to me again
you never love your bearish parts
you never let yourself get angry
you never let yourself get sad
you never let yourself feel
you tell yourself you are happy
you tell yourself everything is the way it should be

even if

I never see you again

I still love you
I still forgive you

I still love you

I hope that you truly do

find happiness

Welcome home

Two friends texted welcome home and a third picked me up. I was in the east, visiting a friend who has known me since birth. I had a good trip. She is twenty years older than me.

It was very much an adventure traveling on oxygen, but it worked. It’s like having a cell phone that weighs ten pounds, plugs into your nose, the batteries are the size of my hand, my carry on weighs 50 pounds (batteries, oxygen concentrator, camera, flute, laptop and phone) (also a book, I’m retro) AND you still have your phone AND you can’t breathe if you leave part of it at home….. So why can’t I have ONE wire to charge all of these stupid electronics instead of a cord for the phone and a cord for the oxygen concentrators and a car charger and a cord for the laptop and a cord and charger for the camera. Hello Electronic Hell.

Anyhow, made it there and back, double masked on the plane and taxi and ferry and…. the number of people who were ignoring the “you must wear a mask” on the ferry was impressive. About half. Well, fifty percent of people are dumber than the other 49%, right? Right now I can pick them out in a crowd really easily. Hey, I am on oxygen, I really do not want covid-19 or strep A or flu or whatever else you are coughing into the air.

What do you see?

What do you see in this rock?