My mind and heart talk daily, argue back and forth. They takes sides on everything and often disagree. Why is this such a threat to some, what crooked course makes them hate my inner talk with such intensity? I thank you for the clarity, discussion and the clues. The angry bear that attacks you in your sleep. I see the split and wonder what to do. The bear protects your heart, hidden deep. I hug the bear and monsters through bars of steel. The silly mind thinks feelings are controlled. Buried and locked away but every day more real. Under horror, grief and pain lies the gold. Each must heal the split by going in alone Invite the bears and monsters of the heart to come back home.
My mind is done and unsurprised. My heart a stubborn rock. My heart does not give up: loves where it loves. It doesn’t care about reality or whether it is derided or mocked. My mind moves on and kicks my heart, wondering where this tenacity stems from. My heart is done with tears. It agrees to new friends and joys in dance. When my mind says forget, my heart jumps and steers my body into a warrior fighting stance. My mind is cynical and laughs and derides my heart. I let them fight back and forth every day. I cannot reach an end unless I start to honor my feelings, the heart must hold sway. My mind moves on, ignoring what you do. Yet my stubborn heart remains a friend, strong and true.
I found this calcedony nodule on North Beach about a week ago. The lines in it are layers laid down over years and years, as the mineral crystals lined a space and precipitated. The different colors in the stripes mean different impurities. This is one of the biggest pieces that I’ve found on the beaches here.
I found this agate on Marrowstone Island yesterday. Very clear and just lying on the sand!
The weather was a bit threatening. I was not sure it would stay sunny and I was not sure I wouldn’t get rained on. I did get a spattering of rain on the way back, but not very much. Good thing too, because I was out without a hat and in my down jacket rather than rain gear. Silly me.
It was a beautiful beach walk.
And why do the seals lie tail up and head up? Are they doing yoga? Are they tired of cold water? Are they sea sick?
That is a second seal in the water. Wondering when there will be room for two? The tide is not out far enough yet!
There were very few other people. I saw four as I arrived and two as I left and that is all.
I wish you weren’t coming back. Ever. I don’t want to see you here again. I drive down to the beach thinking never. If your car was there, I would park you in. That makes me laugh out loud at how absurd my stupid heart is longing all the time. Hurt and vengeful, all those words for a heart in tears. You won’t change your mind. My pessimistic side growls I don’t care. And thinks up gruesome ends for you. It’s sad that you’ll be torn up by a bear or eaten by Sasquatch in a stew. Just think, at last you’ve managed to be free From one thing always. It happens to be me.
On each new site we read the rules anew. Check that we are not a bot and real. Check that we will not link to porn or views traumatic, that we promise not to steal others work or game or avatar. Why is it that in each site of any and every ilk, someone has to watch and delete the bit where the rules are broken, spilling milk. The truth is we’ve learned how to behave or rebel in neglected or violent homes. I wonder if humans should be saved when again the trolls must be stoned. We think that humans should dwell on Mars. We’ll need rules and moderators in the stars.
I think of you as dead. Love is not dead, not mine for you. This is not respectful to those truly dead. Yet you are dead to me in that you lie and say forever. Torched and ashes, now it’s never and the real you is dead to me. I love the you that made a different choice, that loved me back. He holds my hand and walks with me and laughs with me daily. And there is nothing you can do to stop him and me. If anyone asks, you are dead to me, dead forever, and I will love whoever my heart chooses, for all time.
I found the chalcedony nodule on Indian Island yesterday.
Refugees welcome - Flüchtlinge willkommen I am teaching German to refugees. Ich unterrichte geflüchtete Menschen in der deutschen Sprache. I am writing this blog in English and German because my friends speak English and German. Ich schreibe auf Deutsch und Englisch, weil meine Freunde Deutsch und Englisch sprechen.
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