Monthly Archives: October 2022

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split

The pandemic splits the thin veneer of civilized behavior
like a heavy maul falling on delicate antique wood
and wild fear emerges and riots through the streets
while some hide, some stay calm
and try to sooth the selfish unleashed beast

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: veneer.

Taken in 2015.

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Songs to Raise Girls: three songs

The Ragtag Daily Prompt today is memorize, and oh, what I have memorized! I saw a t-shirt at the Nowhereelse Festival in Ohio that said, “My memory is 80% lyrics.” Yes, me too, a mix of songs, poetry and books that I have read. My sister Chris and I were busily memorizing songs as soon as we could. Here are three very educational songs for young girls. The last one we learned from our cousin, who was a girl scout and a girl scout leader. She was in the calendar one year, making cookies. I was very very impressed and a little jealous.

I bought a four hour recording session at a silent auction and the recordings are me and my sister and my father. We did them in two sessions. We made a list of songs and lost it immediately so we all took turns suggesting songs. My mother had already died of cancer. My sister died in 2012 and my father in 2013. I am so glad to have these recordings. We called it Mocoko for Malcolm Ottaway, Chris Ottaway and Katherine Ottaway. We sang most of them just once and so they are not polished, but I still am happy to have them.

Bridget O’Flynn

I sang Bridget O’Flynn to my daughter when she called me about dancing. “Mom! I love to twirl!” Um, well, yes, your parents met at a contra dance at Glenn Echo Park in Maryland. We love to twirl too.

Late in the evening

A cautionary song, an old barbershop quartet song, that we sang.

Fascinating Lady

I wonder if the girl scouts still sing this.

The photograph is my son scaring me. Ok, that boulder is sitting there balanced BUT! GET OUT OF THERE! Taken in Palm Springs in 2011 up on the mesa. Beautiful.

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always on your mind

This is a compilation poem from more than one song and more than one person I’ve dated. A friend and I really dislike a song her husband sings that has the “I wish that you had told me” line. We make faces at each other and whisper, “We wish that you had listened.”

Sometimes I am treated as an admiring audience by a male. At least, that is the role he would like me to play. I get pretty bored pretty quickly. If he doesn’t give me reasonable floor time, if he doesn’t listen, well, goodbye. Find another female slave. One male tells me that my poetry doesn’t matter. I think, oh, I guess it doesn’t matter to YOU, but it certainly matters to ME. There is a certain wicked enjoyment in writing poetry that references his words, heh heh. Enjoy!

October 8, 2022

________________________

always on your mind

the songs you sing
I was always on your mind
you wish that I had told you

isn’t that a lie?
you told me never to ask you
to do anything. Ever.

what was always on your mind
you told me many times
you could read mine

what was always on your mind
you said you could read mine
I wish you had. Even once.

what was always on your mind
was your fantasy me
who obeyed your every wish

what was always on your mind
was that I would wait at home
available to listen or for sex

what was always on your mind
your terror of the ball and chain
that I’d entrap you into marriage

what was always on your mind
had nothing to do with me
I tried hard to tell you

what was always on your mind
had nothing to do with me
I tried hard to tell you

what was always on your mind
was a fantasy. Not me.
How can you be surprised I’m gone?

you wish that I had told you
you say I was always on your mind
I wish that you had listened even once

_______________________________

I took the photograph on Marrowstone Island a few days ago.

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Boa Black in dishabille

This is my beloved cat who died in February 2020. She was named Boa Black or Feather Boa, depending on the situation. We got her as a tiny kitten at the pound. She had the softest fur and purred the instant I picked her up. She was 17 when she died.

For the Ragtag Daily prompt: dishabille.

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stone

stone shaped heart
refuse to love me
refuse to let me in

I don’t try to change you
I am here to change me
not you

not to bury or change or rewrite my past
but to unearth past feelings
to examine them without prejudice or fear

to hold them with love and care
so that they don’t inform the present
so that my feelings are now and not mixed with past

I listen to what you say
I am here with you to learn
what are you saying to me?

you say you are always truthful
but you break laws
you smoke some stuff, legal now

you say you do not speed
sometimes you do not speed
sometimes you do

you say you never watch series
when I suggest a series
now you tell me you are watching a series

you say you never try to hurt me
mostly you never try to hurt me
except when you do

you say you never lie
you seem to believe what you say
I don’t

I try to pay attention to what I say
I try not to say never
I try not to lie to myself

I watch you and wonder
what lies do I tell over and over
to myself and others?

_______________________

Written 6/22/22

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Reblog: Desertification

I don’t want to argue about global warming. Let’s talk about deserts instead. Overgrazing, cutting down all the trees and losing topsoil: we have seen this in the United States, with the dust bowl. We have a lot of people in the world to feed, even after all the deaths from Covid-19. We need to take care of land.

Healthy Forest Project launched to protect Mongolia forests for future generations

Ok, I am lame, that is embedded, not a reblog. I will have to figure out the difference. Feel free to laugh at me. My problem with technology is that it is NOT intuitive. I was horrible with computers until I realized that they are linear and stupid. That is, they only follow the exact right command and they have very little capacity to guess what I mean. I decided that computers were glorified hammers and very very annoying and that the manuals are usually written by people who speak computer, not English. That made it much easier for me to work with computers.

Anyhow, plant a tree. Blessings and peace you.

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A good reaction

The last ten days sucked but the results are probably good.

What? Wait, why?

I saw the pulmonologist week before last on Wednesday. Her office does not give the new Covid-19 shot but does give flu shots. I got my flu shot. It didn’t seem to bother me much except that I felt a bit tired and grumpy.

I saw my family practitioner on Tuesday, after my pulmonary rehab. For the first time I did not improve in pulmonary rehabilitation (12 weeks, twice a week). I also seemed to have a faster heart rate, up to 140 beats per minute, on the treadmill. My doctor had me walked and even going around the block, my heart rate went to 115. Weird, I thought.

My family doctor did have the new Covid-19 vaccine so I got that. The next day I was more tired and grumpy. On Thursday I lost ground on the treadmill and felt awful and my heart rate just seemed high all the time.

Oh. This is an appropriate reaction for me to two vaccines one week apart. What? you say. Well, when I get pneumonia (four times), I have a fast heart rate response, shortness of breath, fatigue and I feel grumpy and wired. The theory is that I have antibodies to the dopamine receptors, that turn the receptors ON. Dopamine can raise your heart rate. At the same time, I have antibodies to tubulin. Those antibodies make my fast twitch muscles not work right, as well as lung cilia. So: fast heart rate, treadmill is much more difficult, and I started sleeping ten hours a day.

This means my immune system is working. It is making LOTS of antibodies, which is what I theoretically want it to do, though I would rather not have the dopamine and tubulin ones. Just antibodies to influenza and Covid-19. However, my immune system seems to have PTSD and when it makes antibodies, it makes them to EVERYTHING. This makes me very tired, grumpy, screws up exercise and gives me shortness of breath and a fast heart rate.

How long will it last? I am not entirely sure. With infections, antibodies rise and then fall over 3 to 6 or more months. The naturopaths say that food intolerance antibodies fall in three weeks if you stop eating the offending item. I want my Covid-19 antibodies to persist for 3-6 months or more, flu antibodies as well, but I’d like the ones that give me a fast heart rate and shortness of breath to drop right away!

I guess I will find out. At least my immune system works, however oddly.

Blessings and peace you.

I took the photograph of the Great Blue Heron just after she took off yesterday. I am trying to catch more birds in flight! Mostly I catch parts of birds, the tip of a wing, or feet. I am really pleased with this one.