I’ve let myself come down again

it’s not really quiet down here
the earth shuddering
new mountains being born
the ebb and flow
as the earth makes love to the moon
and small bubbles

I am quiet
when I let myself
go all the way down

the ocean is not quiet, but it is dark
dark as a dungeon
damper than dew
I keep sinking

and my eyes slowly adjust
my lungs adjust too
it hurts like knives at first
but I adjust faster than i used to
like the sea lions
I can go down and get back up
no bends
I have learned from them
I hold the oxygen
and let the nitrogen out slowly
through my gut

my eyes adjust
and then they come
the glowing ones, slow and fast
like ghosts swimming towards me
maybe they are my dead
someday I will join them

I expect to return this time
or not
I don’t know if I will find pearls
or a leviathan
who will swallow me whole
and barely notice

this time I walked in
I don’t blame you
or family or past or circumstances
it is time for me to go down
I go
down and down and down



I walked on East Beach the other day. I thought the clouds were amazing. Then I thought they were a bird. Then a Thunderbird.

From a mythology site, about the Thunderbird:

Thunderbird Causes a Great Flood and Separates the Quileute Peoples

It is said that once, Thunderbird became so angry with the people that he caused a great flood to occur. The oceans rose so high that the Quileute were forced to get into their boats to take shelter. The oceans rose so high that even the tops of the mountains were covered with water. This went on for four days.

After four days the Quileute sailed with no sun or landmarks to guide them. When the waters receded (again for four days) it was discovered that many of the Quileute had been scattered. When they found land again, some of the Quileute found that they were in Hoh. Others discovered themselves in Chemakum. Both of these groups decided to stay there to live out their lives. Very few of the people forced to flee were able to find their way back to Quileute.

Meanwhile, I could also see the smoke from the fires in the east.

The Thunderbird is facing to the southwest first.

Then she is facing me.

Thunderbird punishes people who are immoral. I must examine my conscience. What have I done that is immoral and what must I do to correct it? That is private, between me and Thunderbird.

The story website says that “any man who has a vision of the Thunderbird during a fast will one day become a mighty war chief.” But what about a woman? I was fasting, in the early morning. Not war, please. Perhaps if a woman sees a Thunderbird she will work towards peace, she will peace the world. That is what I would like, to peace even one other person.

And the Thunderbird is hanging over the fires east of me. I can see the smoke and smell it later in the day. The Thunderbird is here about the environment: the Thunderbird controls weather, doesn’t she? I am paying close attention. Reduce, reuse, think about reducing our effects on the environment.

Blessings and may peace creep upon you like a warm blanket, a daydream, a laugh.

Getting ready

Rainshadow Chorale is practicing, masked, but practicing, for our concerts the first week of November.

I think it’s going to be fabulous!

Our website:

Now all we need is the audience! Mark your calendars!

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: audience.

only when I’m hungry (2)

sometimes I still miss you
but only when I’m hungry

sometimes I wish I had gone slower

sometimes I wish I had waited
I wish I hadn’t rushed

sometimes I wish I had just tasted you
saved you
no biting

but you tasted so delicious
I couldn’t wait
I tore into you
I didn’t want to wait
or share you
you were all mine

sometimes I still miss you
but only when I’m hungry

there is always someone else
even if they aren’t
as delicious
as you

only when I’m hungry (1)

I still miss you
then I have to check
if I am hungry

I’m doing well, you see
I only miss you when I’m hungry

I’m moving on
but sometimes I still get hungry

hunger is tied up with fear
in childhood
and grief and abandonment

When you fed me
that was huge

You don’t feed me any more

Sometimes I still miss you
but only when I’m hungry

I think you’ve joined the dead
the angry dead
who didn’t feed me
and didn’t love me

or loved me during anger
and wouldn’t feed me

Sometimes I still miss you
but only when I’m hungry


Photo taken by my friend JB.