This is for Norm2.0’s Thursday doors.
Look! I finally took some photographs of local doors! Hoorah! This is our new school, Salish Coast Elementary. My son was visiting this last week and we walked around the school on Monday. The sun was bright and there is a lot of glass, so I could play with the reflections in my photographs. The school opened in the fall and I missed the grand opening. Yesterday’s Dr. Suess picture is from the school as well. My son tried out the new playground equipment too. His hat and something about his position makes me think of both the Cat in the Hat and Waldo.
For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: delate.
Boa Cat says not to tell, that sometimes even at 15 a cat can be goofy. She won’t tell my secrets if I don’t tell hers. I’m not to relay stories or delate her silliness to any dignitaries.
And anyhow, de opposite of de early is delate, right?
I am trying to wrap my mind around an aspect of Adverse Childhood Experience Scores. Ace scores.
Raised in war or chaos or an addiction household or a crazy household, kids do their best to survive and thrive. I acknowledge that first. “You survived your terrible and terrifying childhood. You are amazing. You have crisis wiring in your brain. You had to wire that way in order to survive.”
And what does that mean? High alert, high adrenaline, high cortisol, reactive. One veteran says that the military loved him being able to go from zero to 60 instantly.
“Yes, and how is that serving you now?” I ask. “Do you want to change it?”
“No.” he says.
“Why not?” I say.
“Because I know I can protect myself.”
He can protect himself, as I can too. But being on the alert for a crisis, being good in a crisis, being able to fire up like a volcano, is that what I want and is that what he wants? If not, how do we change it?
I think of it as being able to see monsters. Other people’s monsters. My crisis childhood wiring is to pay attention to the non-verbal communication: what people do not what people say. The body language, the tone of voice, what the person is not saying in words, when someone is being polite but the body language is a shut down, a rejection, a dismissal, posturing, aggressive, they don’t like me no matter what the words are, belittling. But if I or my high ACE score patients respond to the body language and emotional feeling, we have named the monster. And the person is being “polite” and will not admit to the monstrous feelings. Those feelings are unconscious or at least the person does not want to admit if they are at all conscious.
In clinic I have learned to dance with the monstrous feelings. I don’t always succeed, but I keep leveling up. It’s a matter of delicacy, inviting the person to admit the monstrous. Some do, some don’t, some don’t the first time or second or third, but the fourth time the monsters are brought out. And they aren’t monstrous feelings after all. They are normal. All I do then is listen and say that the feeling sounds normal for what is happening. It’s like letting off a steam valve.
So how do I and my high ACE score folks learn to do this in social settings as well? When someone is talking to me with a monstrous feeling, meanly, I challenge it. Because I am not afraid of that monstrous feeling. But I have then broken a social contract and the person will like me even less then they already did. And maybe that monstrous feeling is not really about me at all. It’s about their own current life events and the feelings that they try not to feel, are ashamed of, are afraid of. It’s not polite of me to challenge that feeling in a social setting, I am not this person’s doctor or therapist and they didn’t ask me. It’s hard because I feel so sorry for the monstrous feeling and for the person feeling it. I am moving to compassion and love for that feeling rather than taking it as directed at me, taking it personally.
That is my intention. We will see how well it goes.
A natuopath told me to have the intention to release old grief. It’s not old grief though. It’s ongoing grief. Grief for all of the monstrous feelings that swirl around daily and the monsters that are not loved. Most people try to ignore them. I don’t. I love them, because someone has to and because they are so lonely and sad. They are crying. Don’t you hear them? That’s what love is, when you can love your own monstrous feelings and other people’s too.
And our own are the hardest.
I took the photograph in the Ape Caves, the lava tube at Mount St. Helen’s.
Our snow is gone, but I heard on bird note how the Anna’s hummingbirds survive. One morning the temperature here was 14 degrees F, and then the hummingbird was out as soon as it was light. Dive bombing me as I brought out the feeder after thawing it. Bird note says that they can slow their metabolism, like a mini hibernation, during the freezing temperatures. This helps them expand their range and get a jump on the humming birds that go south.
For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: wan.
How will we know if the black cat is feeling wan?
For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: garden.
We have beer gardens at many local events. Centrum music, the Wooden Boat Festival. People have to show identification to get into the beer garden and must keep the drink in there.
I want to start a Sober Garden as well as a Beer Garden. Let’s have a substance free area, roped off, for families and those who are choosing not to use substances, alcohol, opioids, tobacco, meth, whatever. At the events with families, the Beer Garden is roped off, but let’s rope both off. Let us have a Sober Garden and have food trucks and drinks and welcome families and welcome people who are not drinking alcohol or using other substances.
Let’s bring children out to the music and let families set a conscious example. There is no stigma if it is a Sober Garden for families and to support the whole community, including those recovering from addiction. Let us make it conscious and attractive.
When we rope off the Beer Garden and check identification to get in, aren’t we sending the message to the youth, especially teens, this is special, you are not allowed. Let us reverse that and have a bracelet for those going in to the Sober Garden. A sticker, a garden for families, a garden for people healing, a garden for making a different choice.
music by Mike and Ruthy: simple and sober. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsFlHuhDP0A
Sometimes it takes a while to warm up to an idea. But spring will come and warmth.