Songs to raise girls: lullaby

Just you wait: new stories. We visited my Aunt Pat, Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Joan, all in their 80s. I want more stories!

My Aunt Pat and Uncle Jim were married for two weeks and then took a newborn home: me. My mother was in a tuberculosis hospital for active tuberculosis and could not be around me. I would be infected and die. So I went with my father, my aunt and uncle, my paternal grandparents and my great grandfather Malcolm Kenyon Ottaway and Florence Henderson Ottaway, who were visiting from Lincoln, England for two weeks. My father, aunt and uncle were all in college at the University of Tennessee. My aunt says it was rather chaos.

My great grandfather Mal would walk up and down singing this lullaby: “With her head tucked underneath her arm.” It’s about Anne Boleyn as a ghost after being beheaded, haunting the Tower of London. So this was one of my lullabies. Some of the songs to raise me were fairly peculiar choices. This might explain some things about me. My Aunt Pat says that Great Grandfather Mal said “‘ead tucked underneath ‘er arm”.

Here are the lyrics: https://genius.com/Stanley-holloway-with-her-head-tucked-under-her-arm-lyrics.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: just.

The photograph is Aunt Pat and Aunt Joan playing four hands Christmas songs. YouTube sometimes does not approve of my music choices. After finding these four versions of “With Her Head Tucked Underneath Her Arm”, it plays this to try to mellow me out. Just stop that, YouTube.

Covid-19: Long Haul III

The CDC has guidelines for Long Covid and it can qualify for disability in the United States.

Here: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/long-term-effects/index.html

And here: “As of July 2021, “long COVID,” also known as post-COVID conditions, can be considered a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). Learn more: Guidance on “Long COVID” as a Disability Under the ADA, Section

Here is the list of “most common” symptoms from the CDC:

General symptoms

  • Tiredness or fatigue that interferes with daily life
  • Symptoms that get worse after physical or mental effort (also known as “post-exertional malaise”)
  • Fever

Respiratory and heart symptoms

  • Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath
  • Cough
  • Chest pain
  • Fast-beating or pounding heart (also known as heart palpitations)

Neurological symptoms

  • Difficulty thinking or concentrating (sometimes referred to as “brain fog”)
  • Headache
  • Sleep problems
  • Dizziness when you stand up (lightheadedness)
  • Pins-and-needles feelings
  • Change in smell or taste
  • Depression or anxiety

Digestive symptoms

  • Diarrhea
  • Stomach pain

Other symptoms

  • Joint or muscle pain
  • Rash
  • Changes in menstrual cycles

There are recommendations for a work up by physicians. Depending on symptoms, this may include labs, ECG, echocardiogram (heart ultrasound), CT scan and other tests.

A friend has just gone through those four tests . They are “normal” except for her heart rate. At rest her heart rate is 70 with a normal oxygen level. Walking, her heart rate jumps to 135. Over 100 is abnormal in this athlete who is NOT exerting heavily.

So WHAT is going on with NORMAL testing? I think this is “Covid-19 Viral Pneumonia”, a complication of Covid-19, just as “Influenza Viral Pneumonia” is a complication of influenza. Ralph Netter MD has an illustration of lungs from a person who died of influenza viral pneumonia: the lungs are swollen and inflamed and bruised. WHY is the testing “normal” then? The swelling is throughout the lungs, so a chest x-ray sees it as all the same density and a CT scan also sees it as all the same density. The lungs may have mildly decreased breath sounds, but the sounds are even throughout the lungs. The useful TEST is a walk test. I have tested patients with “walking pneumonia” in clinic for years: get a resting heart rate and oxygen level. Then have my patient walk up and down the hall three times and sit back down. Watch the heart rate and oxygen level. If the heart rate jumps 30 beats up or is over 100, the person needs to continue rest until the heart rate stays under 100 or jumps less than 30 beats. It is important to observe the heart rate until they recover. Sometimes the oxygen saturation will drop as the heart rate comes down, and some people qualify for oxygen. Steroids do not seem to work for this. The length of time to healing is not totally surprising, because a lobar pneumonia that is visible on chest xray takes 6-8 weeks to fully clear. It is not too amazing that a bad walking pneumonia could also take 6 weeks or more to clear. If the person returns to work too soon, they prolong the lung inflammation and they are at risk for exhaustion and for a secondary pneumonia. The treatment is REST REST REST and support.

Do they need oxygen? Currently oxygen is covered only if the person’s oxygen saturation drops down to 88%. However, I think that oxygen would help recovery and make them less exhausted. With my first walking pneumonia, which was influenza, my walking heart rate was 135 and my resting heart rate was 100. Both were abnormal for me. Neither I nor my physician could figure it out. This was in 2003. I did look in my Netter book: I took one look at the painting of the influenza lungs and shut the book. “Oh.” I thought. “That’s why I can’t breathe.” The image is here, though I wish it were bigger.

It took two months for my heart rate to come down, the lung swelling to improve, and me to return to work. I read the text of Dr. Netter’s image a year later and then I read an entire book about the 1918-1919 influenza. Since then I have walked people who come in complaining of exhaustion after a “cold” or “bad cough”. Viruses can cause this and so can bacteria: mycoplasma pneumonia, chlamydia pneumonia, pneumococcal pneumonia, legionella and strep A. If the fever is gone, the infection has probably resolved, but it still can take days or weeks for the lung tissue to recover.

For Covid-19, I would add a third test: walking with weights. We test cardiac patients by asking if they can carry two bags of groceries up a flight of stairs. That is 3 Mets, a measure of the heart load. We need to measure the lung load as well. If the lung tissue is swollen, the amount of airspace is cut down and can be half normal. The heart attempts to take up the slack. The person may tolerate a heart rate of 135 for a while, but it is like running a marathon. If they are older or have heart disease, this can trigger a heart attack. I would walk the person carrying hand weights, and see the recovery.

Also, brain fog is unsurprising. If your oxygen level is borderline, it is darn hard to think. I write really strange songs when I am hypoxic. I get goofy and feel weird. The fast heart rate also feels like anxiety: I think that the body is trying to tell me to rest.

The definition of Long Covid is symptoms after 30 days. Please see your physician if you are still ill and continue to have symptoms.

Blessings.

Here is a recent article about T-cells and inflammation in the lungs of Covid-19 patients: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8460308/

and this: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fimmu.2020.589380/full

kooky klothes

I took this May 31, 2022. I was still pretty sick with pneumonia and needed oxygen to do practically anything. I had dropped ten pounds the first week of being sick, March 20th. In 2014 it was six months before I could return to work and then only part time and exhausted. So I knew I was likely to be in for a six month haul. I hadn’t figured on needing oxygen, but it made me feel so much better and be able to think again!

Anyhow, I was entertaining myself by going through my closet and putting on things that I did not wear to work. I like the sun lighting up my legs in this photograph. The dress is shorter than it looks and the jacket has tags in Japanese and is a soft woven silk. I thrift shop by feel, because silk and mohair and cashmere and wool and cotton feel so wonderful.

Later the same day, I took this photograph:

I would wear out very quickly during the day. Today it is pouring here and last summer by now it was much much warmer! The sun made my lungs hurt less.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: kooky.

what would YOU choose?

Here is a story of a choice about an abortion, a theraputic abortion, where a mother has to make a difficult choice. I have seen Family Medicine patients since 1991, so this will not identify a particular person. No HIPAA problem.

I see a new patient in clinic, a woman, who already has children. She has back pain. All is routine until she says, “Sometimes my leg goes numb from the knee down.” I stop. This is NOT normal. “Completely numb?” I say. “Not patchy?” “Yes.” “How often?” I ask. She shrugs. “Not very.” “If it happens again, call me and I want to see you right away.”

Why? This is unusual because most numbness follows dermatomes if it is from back pain. The dermatomes on the skin wrap from the back down the leg all the way to the toes. When someone describes numbness or the pain of shingles in that distribution, we know which nerve is affected. Numbness from the knee down can come from diabetes and other causes, but it is not on one side and it doesn’t come and go. So the unusual stands out for me.

“Anything else weird?”

“I had vision problems in my last pregnancy. They sent me to specialists, even a neuro opthamologist. He couldn’t find anything.”

“Ok.” I shrug. We move on.

She calls two days later. “Both legs are numb from the knee down.”

“Come in today,” I say.

Both legs ARE numb from the knee down. She also can’t lift her feet. The muscles from the knees down are weak. I get neurology on the phone. “MRI her from the top of her head to the base of her spine.” I call the hospital and set it up. That day.

She has seven brain lesions suspicious for multiple sclerosis. She did have an MRI in the previous pregnancy, which was negative. I do not remember how old the child was, 2-4 years or more when I saw mother.

I call her back in for results, we talk about specialists, and I call a neurologist in the nearest big city, three hours by car from where she lives. We start medications and my patient is scheduled.

She has multiple sclerosis. The flare improves. The visual symptoms were MS in the previous pregnancy, but it was not yet visible on brain MRI.

Then she gets pregnant again. Her symptoms immediately flare. She comes to me and I call the neurologist.

The symptoms are not a little worse. Much worse. “I suggest she terminate the pregnancy.”

My patient is horrified. Until the neurologist’s next words. “She needs to terminate if she wants to be able to walk for the children she has.”

My patient chooses an abortion, to terminate the pregnancy. Because she has a bad version of MS*, she remembers the symptoms in the last pregnancy, she is young, she is clearly progressing and she wants to take care of the children she already has.

What would YOU choose? For yourself, for your sister, for your wife. If you are male, do you have any right to make that choice? Now picture yourself pregnant with that choice. And thank you for reading this.

*Addendum: present evidence says that multiple sclerosis does NOT worsen with pregnancy. However, another illness, NMO (neuromyelitis optica) instead tends to become more active in pregnancy. It previously was lumped in with MS until the antibodies (anti-NMO) were identified and it was realized it’s a different subtype of demyelination disease, with its own treatment options. Medicine changes over time and the woman, the neurologist and I were working with the information available at that time.

Covid-19: long haul II

A few days ago my primary care doctor texts that she wonders if I have the autoimmune form of fibromyalgia.

Red alert. I have not heard about this.

I did a search last night and find this: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/07/210701120703.htm.

Now, if you have been paying attention, you know that I was diagnosed with PANDAS in 2012, though Isuspect that it is really PANS. Both are autoimmune disorders. I also think that long haul covid is the same thing or something similar.

Meanwhile, they are now saying Covid-19 Long Haul may ALSO be an autoimmune disorder. Multiple sites below.

There is a paper in Nature that I don’t have access to, annoyingly enough. The fibromyalgia story in the above story is that they have spun antibodies down from human serum of affected and unaffected people and then injected them into mice. The mice get fibromyalgia symptoms from the affected antibodies but not from the unaffected ones. The symptoms in the mice go away when the antibodies fade out, in a few weeks. Aha.

The long haul story says that death from Covid-19 may be an autoimmune response, the antibodies going really nuts and making people bleed or their lungs close down. That is, swell shut. They have been drawing blood to study at different stages of Covid-19 and also checking autopsy patients. Usually autoimmune diseases are more prevalent in women then men but Covid-19 seems to be worse in men. This: “The mechanisms behind the production of such autoantibodies aren’t yet clear. Widespread and long-term inflammation during severe COVID-19 may cause the immune system to produce antibodies to pieces of the virus it wouldn’t normally recognize. Some of those pieces might resemble human proteins enough to trigger the production of autoantibodies.

Excessive inflammation could also boost production of autoantibodies that had previously only existed in the body at very low levels. Vaccination against COVID-19 is much less inflammatory than infection with the virus. In a separate study that looked at COVID vaccination, none of the healthy volunteers developed autoantibodies.” (2)(*)

Here is another fibromyalgia paper: https://www.verywellhealth.com/autoimmunity-neuroinflammation-in-fibromyalgia-5197944. That paper lists the autoantibodies that they are finding in fibromyalgia including gangliosides. The fourth antibody in PANDAS/PANS is anti-lysoganglioside. Aha! So this is sparking a serious revolution in medicine: it is looking like many of the mysterious and difficult to describe and quantify diseases may be autoantibody disorders. The anti-ganglioside antibodies were found in 71% of fibromyalgia patients. There are seven antibodies listed, including one to serotonin. In PANS, they are blaming two anti-dopamine antibodies. None of the fibromyalgia patients had ALL seven, but all of them had some of them. A different pattern in every patient, because we all make different antibodies. Fascinating.

One more: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28339361/. People with lupus are more likely to have fibromyalgia and visa versa. “Increasing evidence indicates that N-methyl-D-aspartate receptors (NMDARs) play a major role in the induction and maintenance of central sensitisation with chronic pain. In this study, we evaluated the role of anti-NMDAR antibodies in the development of FM in patients with SLE.” Lupus and fibromyalgia share an autoantibody. Holy cats. NMDA is ALSO a neurotransmitter. Makes me wonder quite a bit about “psychiatric” disorders.

Remember that we make up all the words. So the autoimmune diseases are usually found by testing for a few antibodies. In the most common autoimmune disorder, hypothyroidism, we usually check the TSH and T4 level, so patient hormone levels rather than antibody levels. Over the last 30 years, we are able to test for more antibodies. Systemic lupus erythematosis, celiac, rheumatoid arthritis, juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. When I was in medical school in 1989, the rheumatology book was an inch and a half thick and there were loads of different patterns of disease. I am sure it is twice as thick now. Our initial test for autoimmune disease is for inflammation: an antinuclear antibody and an erythrocyte sedimentation rate. Some people have rheumatoid arthritis but their RF is negative: they have “sero-negative” rheumatiod arthritis, which is more likely “a different autoantibody that we have not tracked down” rheumatoid arthritis. In chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia, the antinuclear antibody and erythrocyte sedimentation rate are usually normal. I suspect both disorders of being “post” inflammation.

My prediction is a serious medical revolution, where we start regularly testing for autoantibodies. Whether that will be something like a pregnancy test but with hundreds of autoantibodies tested for, or whether there are some key indicator ones that we can find, is not clear. At any rate, trauma, stress and infection all increase the likelihood of getting one of these disorders and we have to figure out how to lower the load of all three.

Do you think people are instinctively quitting their jobs?

I had a phone visit with my pulmonologist yesterday. She was running about 35 minutes late, I sat on Zoom until she showed up. She looks exhausted. “We have less doctors and more patients.” she says. “I was on call for the critical care unit last week and I am on call Monday and Tuesday.” “Please take care of yourself,” I say, “We really need you.” She is smiling the whole time. She is worried about me dropping weight and I am worried about her.

Prayers and blessings all around.


1. https://www.cedars-sinai.org/newsroom/covid-19-can-trigger-self-attacking-antibodies/
2. https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/autoimmune-response-found-many-covid-19
1. https://www.cedars-sinai.org/newsroom/covid-19-can-trigger-self-attacking-antibodies/
2. https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/autoimmune-response-found-many-covid-19
3. https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/591528-long-covid-study-author-explains-four-factors-that-can-predict-how-you-get
4. https://www.the-scientist.com/news-opinion/studies-identify-risk-factors-for-long-covid-69648
5. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-10436473/Is-people-sicker-Covid-19.html
*If that paragraph does not make people get the vaccine, they are living completely in a mad dream world, IMHO.
6. https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/misdirected-antibodies-linked-severe-covid-19

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: flickering. As in flickering hope.

adaptive theory of PANS/PANDAS

This is my working theory on PANS/PANDAS. Pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric syndrome/Pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric disorders associated with Strep A.

Four or more antibodies. The antibodies can take different patterns in different people.

  1. Antibodies to dopamine 1 and dopamine 2 receptors.

The antibodies are like keys fitting in a lock. The key may fit in the lock and BLOCK or fit in the lock and OPEN IT. So, there are a very large number of patterns that could arise from this, especially when we remember the rat neuron with 300 different receptors for serotonin in one neuron. Think of the possibilities here.

If this antibody BLOCKS, an ANTAGONIST, it will cause slowing/brain fog/depression/and I don’t know what all.

If this antibody is an AGONIST and the key turns, it apparently can cause mania, ADHD, OCD, oppositional defiance, clinginess, separation anxiety, anxiety, etc.

We do not know what causes psychiatric disorders. Now we have a category called neuropsychiatric, where it is caused by an antibody. Or antibodies. What percentage of psychiatric disorders are caused by this? I am betting high rather than low.

  1. Antibodies to tubulin.

If the antibody is an ANTAGONIST, blocking, then slow or fast twitch muscles won’t function correctly. It could block both. I think if it blocks both, that is the severe lie in bed chronic fatigue. I have trouble with my fast twitch muscles but my slow twitch ones work just fine.

If the antibody is an AGONIST, you get some super athletes. I know a number of people that I would suspect fall into this category. I can name five off the top of my head, friends.

  1. Antibodies to lysoganglioside.

This one worries me. Lysogangliosides lyse ganglions. These antibodies are used in soap making, among other things. They break down fatty cell walls.

When I have a high antibody level, I have trouble eating any carbohydrates. As I improve, I have trouble mostly with sucrose, fructose and gluten but not lactose. Also, when I eat gluten, I get acidic. When you get acidic, your body tries to compensate by slowing your breathing to hold on to CO2, because you need to balance the acid H+ with a base, OH-. So: triple whammy. Acidic I automatically breathe slower, which is not helpful when I am already hypoxic and tachycardic.

I have not figured out whether my antibody is an agonist or antagonist.

An agonist would lyse more ganglions. This could be bad for the brain and for peripheral nerves. Neuropathy and dementia.

An antagonist would stop ganglion lysing. Um, in theory, cancer. Lysogangliosides are supposed to clear out bad cells.My guess is that I have an antagonist because of the family history. At least, on my mother’s and sister’s side. My father smoked two packs of Camels for 55 years and did not get cancer: tough bugger, right? Or did he have an Agonist? This line of thinking makes me very highly motivated to eat in whatever way the antibodies want me to. I do not understand why gluten would trigger this and why the gluten effect in me lasts longer than the fructose and sucrose effect. Gluten intolerance and other gut problems are on the rise and this would certainly explain that. This is the cause of at least some fibromyalgia patterns. Not only does eating gluten screw up my breathing, but it makes any muscle that I have used recently hurt like hell. I ate some meatballs without reading the stupid package back in April. Two hours of chest wall muscle pain and honestly, heart pain. I dug the package out and duh: bread crumbs. Gol dang it, I hate it when I am stupid. However, it hurts like hell but at it’s worst I had normal cardiac enzymes and no heart attack. Weird.

Ok, but WAIT, you said ADAPTIVE. How can this nightmare be adaptive?

Sure, adaptive. Remember the back up system for when we are starving? We switch from metabolizing glucose to metabolizing protein and fats, our own if necessary. We go from glycogen metabolism to protein/fat metabolism which produces ketones.

This is the crisis shit hits the fan emotionally and in plagues system.

So, can be caused by stress or infection or a combination.

Why why why?

Because if the stress gets too high or the infection gets too bad, our body switches gears and runs a back up system. I’ve thought of chronic fatigue as some sort of switch the body throws for years, because it’s the hypercrazy work too hard workaholic Type A people who get it. Type B people do not get it or don’t notice or don’t care. Type B people just say, wow, I’m tired, I think I will rest. The Type A people flip out and say “Put me back like I was!!!!” and then they go to 47 doctors and refuse to do anything the doctors say and do internet research and see any kind of quack you can imagine and they are the most exhausting patients.

Why the psychiatric stuff? Ok, take mania. If there is plague or you are in a really dangerous abusive situation, mania suddenly makes sense. Overnight you are different and what’s more, it scares the hell out of everyone. You are shunned. You are alone. You may get thrown out of a job, family, friend group or all of the above. This would tend to protect you against both plague and the really dangerous abusive situation. Whether you like it or not.

And how clever of the brain/body. Here is a back up system. It changes at least four systems, so you are now a different person. You freak your employer, friends and family out. AND you are sick as shit and they won’t listen. You have to get out and go elsewhere for help or hide in your castle or house or whatever. You can’t move or you have super muscles. And every single person has a different pattern.

I look at the long haul covid. The most common symptoms are psychiatric, shortness of breath and fatigue. Sound familiar?

Now, will someone PLEASE fund my NIH west?

_________________________________________________________

Guidelines for treating PANS/PANDAS: https://www.pandasppn.org/jcap2017/

released like stars

I have had strep A sepsis and pneumonia twice. It was terrifying and I ended up having to take care of myself. I would be dead if I was not a physician.

Not to be named obscure website helped to sustain me, because it was a place I could go while I was alone, terrified and very very ill. The bout in 2014 took me out of clinic for six months and then I was barely able to work seeing half my usual number of patients. My local hospital refused to help me, but other people did. I am deeply deeply grateful to the people who did help me, including people on everything2.com that I have never met.

I wrote this in June 2014.

released like stars

________________

My sister used to tell me

“Everything2 is like a brain.

That’s what attracted me.

All the nodes, like neurons

Connected to each other more and more.”

Or something like that.


Isn’t it annoying?

Now that I’ve taken that memory out

Dusted it off

Embellished it

Who knows what she really said


Flashes of light now

And some where I blank out entirely

For just a moment

Only when I’ve eaten

I’m still avoiding carbs


Could be absence seizures

But she said seizures hurt

These do not hurt

And are accompanied by muscle twitches

Or muscles rolling gently across my frame


I am scared at first

Because I think they are neurons

Bursting into brain flame

And burning out

Brief candles


But I don’t think that’s right either

I think it is plaques

Deposits of antibody

Small pushpins in the wrong place

Being released like stars

pigs and fishes

is it ok

if I don’t make sense for a little while?

this is hard

it’s really hard
sometimes
to communicate

I never did
join the mainstream
of medicine

I went to class
to medical school
and wondered
and noticed
that the classes resembled
descriptions of cults
how they train people

and I thought
I am not joining any cult

and I kept my mouth shut

in the elevator
when another student says
“The other day
I threw out all of my husband’s plaid shirts.
I hate them.
They are too low class.”
If he loves them, you’ve hurt him, right?
and I think
I could say
“Yes, I hate it
when my husband
wears my plaid skirt
he stretches them all out
and ruins them.”
I would be outed
even more than I already am
as weird.

I don’t say a word
I just think
words

Medical school is four years
Residency is three
I am quiet there too
impression that I am shy
which is a lie
even so, the faculty fear me

I hear, 25 years later

and I am surprised

5 foot four
130 pounds

what the hell is there to fear?

though a boyfriend says
“You turn into an ogre
when you are angry.”

but I am quiet
in medical school
in residency
except when a patient
needs me
to speak

morph to ogre
morph to werewolf
if needed

as I get older
slowly
slowly
I learn
more subtelty

mostly from my children
who are subtle
and very very smart

at any rate

I never bought in to
the give opioids to everyone

and eventually
it turns out
that my intuition
or instinct
or whatever the hell you want to call it
study of addiction from the experience
and reading in college
matches
the studies
that come out

now I have another one
an intuition

the data is catching up with me

it’s funny
in my small community

I feel so lonely
after 21 years
mother’s death, sister’s death, father’s death
divorce
single mother 2 children
niece don’t go there
I am labeled by the medical community
I hear that the senior doctor
in the community
tells a woman midlevel
at a party
that I am crazy

maybe so

but I was right about opioids

pigs and fishes

is it ok

if I don’t make sense for a little while?

maybe
just maybe

they could listen to me this time

but I don’t think

they
will

that would be ok
but it is hurting people
and I can’t bear that

so I put myself
back in the traces

once in a massage
I thought
I can’t bear this
I am not strong enough
and suddenly I was in a dream world
where my back was enormous
huge
unending
and I thought, oh, I can bear this
thank you
I think

I put myself back in the traces
I am an ox
I plant my hooves

I begin
to pull
hard

pigs and fishes

even as I cry

The photograph is from 2014. Two pairs of glasses frames ago….

Illness Anxiety Disorder

“Please write something from a medical perspective about anxious people who worry every little thing is some serious disease.” — reQuest 2018

This is quite a brilliant and timely question.

Here: https://www.anxiety.org/hypochondriasis-replaced-by-two-new-disorders-in-dsm-5.

The DSM V was published on May 18, 2013. This is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders version 5,  and it redefines various disorders. For example, opiate dependence has disappeared and so has opiate addiction. Instead, there is one diagnosis: opiate overuse syndrome. Which really combines both opiate addiction and opiate dependence and makes it a spectrum.

The DSM V drops hypochondriasis. Wait, you say, that diagnosis no longer exists? Well, yes, correct. So the diagnoses are made up? Yes, as my daughter says, “All the words are made up.” So psychiatry changes and the diagnosis definitions change and some diagnoses disappear. Medicine is like the Oregon Dunes, really. The information is changing daily. I went into medicine thinking it is like a cookbook, where I just have to learn all the recipes. Nope, sand dunes: the wind and waves and new information change the contours daily. It drives my patients nuts. “My insurance won’t cover the medicine I’ve been on for 26 years.” Um, yeah, sorry, work for single payer and shut down the insurance companies, ok? “This combination of medicines has never killed me yet.” Um, yeah, sorry, but you are in fact getting older and we no longer think that combination is safe and first do no harm: I can’t prescribe combinations that I think may kill you.

Hypochondriasis has been replaced by two diagnoses: Somatic Symptom Disorder and Illness Anxiety Disorder.

From the Mayo Clinic website: https://www.mayoclinic.org/medical-professionals/clinical-updates/psychiatry-psychology/diagnostic-statistical-manual-mental-disorders-redefines-hypochondriasis.

“Patients with illness anxiety disorder may or may not have a medical condition but have heightened bodily sensations, are intensely anxious about the possibility of an undiagnosed illness, or devote excessive time and energy to health concerns, often obsessively researching them. Like people with somatic symptom disorder, they are not easily reassured. Illness anxiety disorder can cause considerable distress and life disruption, even at moderate levels.”

“To meet the criteria for somatic symptom disorder, patients must have one or more chronic somatic symptoms about which they are excessively concerned, preoccupied or fearful. These fears and behaviors cause significant distress and dysfunction, and although patients may make frequent use of health care services, they are rarely reassured and often feel their medical care has been inadequate.”

So, subtle difference. Broadly, the illness anxiety disorder people are sure they have SOMETHING and are worried about ALL THE SYMPTOMS. The somatic symptom disorder people are worried about A SPECIFIC SYMPTOM OR SYMPTOMS and WHY HAVEN’T YOU FIXED ME.

Some of the people complaining of weird symptoms do have a medical diagnosis that has not been sorted out. Take multiple sclerosis for example. The average time from the start of symptoms to diagnosis is 4-5 years.

Here: http://biketxh.nationalmssociety.org/site/DocServer/Facts-about-MS.pdf?docID=54383).

Also here: https://www.nationalmssociety.org/Symptoms-Diagnosis/Diagnosing-Tools.

Another one is sarcoidosis: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sarcoidosis/symptoms-causes/syc-20350358. It’s hard to diagnose, can affect different parts of the body, and it’s still pretty mysterious. Add to that list chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, and numerous other diagnoses.

With multiple sclerosis, you may be thinking, well, if they had just done the brain MRI sooner, the diagnosis would be made. Not necessarily. I did find a patient with a bunch of MS brain lesions: made the diagnosis. She had had a brain MRI 3-5 years before because of suspicious symptoms during pregnancy. At that time her MRI was entirely normal.

The DSM V does not have a diagnosis called psychophysiological disorder. This is an ongoing discussion:
1. https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/7f7f/21a9b524fb677d575428bea11aab4c8d70c5.pdf
2. https://thoughtbroadcast.com/2011/01/21/psychosomatic-illness-and-the-dsm-5/
This site: http://www.stressillness.com/ is my current favorite about psychophysiological disorders. I heard a lecture from the physician who runs the site. He is at OHSU in Portland and gets the gastrointestinal patients where “they can’t find anything wrong” from all over the state. He is really good at this. He and I are in agreement: the symptoms are real. However, the symptoms may come from emotional suffering and from emotional trauma in the past and present.

It is clear that fibromyalgia is a “real” disorder: functional MRI of the brain shows the pain centers lighting up more with a standardized pain stimulus than “normal” patients. PTSD is “real”. It is interesting that there is more stigma surrounding fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue than PTSD: is that because the former two are more often diagnosed in women, and the latter is legitimate (finally) for male (and a smaller number of female) veterans?

And what do I, your humble country doctor, think? I think that chronic fatigue and PTSD and fibromyalgia and illness anxiety disorder and the others all may be variations of the same thing. Our body will handle and “store” or “stuff” emotions that we cannot handle or are not in a safe situation to handle it. Eventually our body decides that we are now safe enough and will notify us that we have to handle the emotions. Currently our culture is terribly unsupportive of this and there is huge stigma attached to dealing with it. We are all supposed to just be nice.

In the end, we can’t judge how a friend feels or whether they are well or not. We have to treat them with respect and kindness.

The photograph is me on my grandfather’s lap. He became a psychiatrist and I am a family physician. Taken in 1962 or 3. We are at cabins in Ontario, Canada. What a pair of grubs, but happy…..

I miss your skin

I miss your skin

the planes of shoulder blades
layers of muscle overlying them
the trapezius sweeping up to the base of the skull
and down to the tenth vertebrae
like a wing pointed inwards
on your back
and attached to bones

more and more in clinic
I pull out Netter’s beautiful drawings
and show people the bones
and that the bones are not just floating
in a sea of muscle and organs
every bone is attached to muscles
to tendons to ligaments
together in an elaborate
beautiful
working system
and if one muscle is torn too loose
or tightens to protect itself
and heals scarred calcified
too short
it pulls on the other muscles
and tendons and bones

I miss your skin
your muscle
your tendons
your ligaments
your bones

and all the rest

 

I took the photograph in the boatyard in 2016. Sometimes I dream I have feathers….