tears falling

I am back in grief
in the ocean of tears
someone has to go there
and I can swim

I can swim on the surface
and I can swim in the depths
no trench is too deep
for me to explore

they think it is dark
in the deepest trench
it’s true that the pressure
is very strong

but all of us
in the deepest depths
learn to glow
and shine

that is what the trench does
at first you are terrified
an ocean of grief
an ocean of tears

but then you see light
beings glowing
some are eating each other
but others smile and wave

if you are not too frightened
if you do not fight and struggle
if you take a breath, calmly
you find you can breathe

and you look at your hands
in wonder as you breathe
in the ocean of grief
in the ocean of tears

you too are glowing softly
in the ocean of grief
in the ocean of tears
you feel welcome

Hurricane Ridge

This is my mother’s biggest watercolor painting. I have it hanging in my guest room. It is huge and gorgeous, nearly the width of the double bed.

I miss her. Helen Burling Ottaway. I will put more of her artwork up. She died in 2000, but I still have the art.

rapt

I took this from North Beach at sunset three days ago, zoomed in. I got this wonderful silhouette of Protection Island. I am rapt.

I am submitting this to today’s Ragtag Daily Prompt: wrapped. Heh, heh, messing with words.

Covid-19: Long Haul

https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-58918869 Some people with Long Haul Covid-19 are having to relearn how to walk and talk.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-leicestershire-59674203. Patients who were hospitalized are still affected at 5 months and one year after they are released from the hospital. Being female and obese are big risk factors. The article says “Long Covid has the potential to become highly prevalent as a new long-term condition.”

One more:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8146298/ ” While the precise definition of long COVID may be lacking, the most common symptoms reported in many studies are fatigue and dyspnoea that last for months after acute COVID-19. Other persistent symptoms may include cognitive and mental impairments, chest and joint pains, palpitations, myalgia, smell and taste dysfunctions, cough, headache, and gastrointestinal and cardiac issues.”
“One puzzling feature of long COVID is that it affects survivors of COVID-19 at all disease severity. Studies have discovered that long COVID affects even mild-to-moderate cases and younger adults who did not require respiratory support or hospital or intensive care. Patients who were no longer positive for SARS-CoV-2 and discharged from the hospital, as well as outpatients, can also develop long COVID [24,30,31,41,50]. More concerningly, long COVID also targets children, including those who had asymptomatic COVID-19, resulting in symptoms such as dyspnoea, fatigue, myalgia, cognitive impairments, headache, palpitations, and chest pain that last for at least 6 months [51–53].”

And the symptoms? “The most common ongoing symptoms were fatigue, muscle pain, physically slowing down, poor sleep and breathlessness.”

Yes, the same as mine.

My initial evaluation of Long Haul Covid-19 patients will cover three areas:

1. Behavioral Health. Are they having brain fog, feeling slowed, feeling like they can’t think? Is that what happened during the Covid-19 or did the opposite happen? Were they manic/ADHD/OCD etc? What happened in the weeks leading up to getting sick? Any major worries or life trauma? Lose a job, a relationship, someone in the family die? I am looking for a dopamine antibody pattern.

2. Musculoskeletal Chronic Fatigue. What muscles work and which muscles don’t work? If they need to lie in bed for 20 hours a day, both slow and fast twitch muscles are affected. If they are short of breath, they should have pulmonary function tests, including a loaded and unloaded walk test. Are their oxygen saturations dropping? They also need a sleep study. Check for sleep apnea. Any signs of ongoing infection with anything? Teeth, sinuses, ears, throat, lungs, stomach, lower gut, urinary, skin.

3. Musculoskeletal Fibromyalgia. WHEN do their muscles hurt? Is it after eating? Do they fall asleep after they eat or does their blood pressure drop after eating? What diet changes have they made? Are there things they have identified that they can’t eat? Gluten, lactose, meat, sucrose, fructose, nightshades, whatever. I am looking for antibodies to lysogangliosides.

Treatment:

High antibody levels can be lowered somewhat just with “lifestyle changes” aka no drugs.

A. Treat infection if present. Look for strep A with an ASO, since we have an occult one that is in the lungs, not the throat. For fungal infection, even just on the skin, lower blood sugar as much as tolerated. This may mean a ketotic diet.

B. Treat behavioral health with drugs if emergent. If suicidal or really losing it (meaning job/relationships/whatever), then drugs may be needed. But not forever. Avoid benzodiazepines. Check for addictions.

C. Lower antibody levels:
a. Lower stress. Many people will resist this. Counseling highly recommended, ‘cept they are all swamped. Have the person draw the three circles: a day in the present life, their ideal life and then what their body wants. Listen to the body.

b. You can sweat antibodies out: hot baths, hot shower, steam room, sauna, exercise. Daily in the morning, because cortisol rises when we get up, and so levels should be lowered.

c. Is there a stimulant that works for this person to calm them down? Or an antidepressant if they are slowed instead of sped up. The relatives of dopamine that work for ME are coffee caffeine and terbutaline. Ones that do NOT work for me include albuterol and tea caffeine. Ones that I have not tried include theophylline, that new relative of albuterol and ADHD meds like adderall. This will be individual to the person because we all make different antibodies. We are looking for a drug that displaces the dopamine antibodies. For people who are slowed or have brain fog, the stimulants may not work. I would try the SSRI antidepressants first, like sertraline and citalopram, unless the patient tells me they don’t work or make them anxious. I would screen for PTSD. For high PTSD scores and high ACE scores, I would use the old tricyclics, mirtazapine (which is NOT a benzodiazepine), wellbutrin or trazodone. Again, avoid benzodiazepines. Also check how much alcohol and marijuana are on board, because those are definitely going to make brain fog worse. The functional medicine people are treating mystery patients with hyperbaric oxygen chambers and I suspect that this works for the people with blocker tubulin antibodies.

d. Muscle pain/fibromyalgia symptoms. Avoid opioids, they will only work temporarily and may addict. Avoid muscle relaxants, they will only work temporarily. Again, the tricyclics may help. The newer antiseizure drugs that are indicated for fibromyalgia are possibilities, though as an “old” doctor I am conservative about “new” drugs. Gabapentin, pregabalin, and if the person is sped up, antiseizure medicines that are used for mania. GENTLE exercise. The line between me having a good day today and overdoing is knife thin. On the overdoing days I go to bed at 5 pm. I went to sleep at 5 pm yesterday and 6:30 last night. I sang for church last night and even though I’d driven myself there, one of the quartet offered to drive me home. “Do I look that grey?” I asked. “Yes.” he said. I turn grey from fatigue and it can be sudden. Right now it’s after my second meal. If I am active, I will fall asleep after lunch if I can. If I go really light on lunch, I crash right after dinner. And remember, I am one of the lucky people who only have fast twitch muscles affected, not fast and slow twitch.

I am adding this to yesterday’s Ragtag Daily Prompt: hopeful.

freezing level

Yesterday a trip to Forks is in order. There is snow around Lake Crescent and you can see the freezing level part way up the mountain. It is beautiful as we rise into the pass between the Elwha Valley and the Sol Duc Valley. In the Sol Duc Valley there is less snow at road level, but it’s still in the mountains. A gorgeous day.

In the Sol Duc Valley.

Strangels

Angels can take peculiar form.

This is for my Ragtag Daily Prompt: angel.

These Strangels are spotted at the Kinetic Sculpture Race in 2015.

This is during the water trial, to make sure that they float. The sculptures have to be human powered and have to move on land, through mud and through water. The water temperature is between 50-55 degrees, which is cold.

The Strangels are support for this Kinetic Racer.

We have angelic Kinetic Kops too. Sometimes the structures look so peculiar that people forget that they can weigh tons. You do not want to be run over by one.

A Kinetic Kop with wings.
Another racer. It’s a lot to paddle.

Hooray for Strangels and all the other racers. I hope Kinetic can happen in 2022.

After the rains

This is East Beach on Marrowstone Island. After the rains, sections of the sand cliff have come down, with trees in the process of dying and the grass still intact in some piles. There are some seriously large chunks of clay that you would not like to be under when it came down.

New section of fallen cliff

We can see where the tide is starting to break the pieces of clay up and wash out the rocks.

Rocks embedded in fallen section.

So is the land encroaching on the sea or the sea encroaching on the land?

For today’s Ragtag Daily Prompt.