Cindy gets real and skips the ball

We had a lovely dinner with family and friends. I look at the tablecloths and napkins that I have inherited and I am glad that I live in a time where I can work as a female physician and am not embroidering elaborate tablecloths and napkins. Some of the ones that I have WERE done by female relatives. Amazing and work that is currently not very valued.

So my centerpiece was an acknowledgement of the changes: Cindy is not going to ride in the coach. She has a canoe and paddles and a backpack, sleeping bag, stove, water bottle and GPS. She is going to find her own way and paddle her own canoe.

Good girl

Qia works hard. She enjoys most of her work and she enjoys time off too. She enjoys many activities.

She wakes one day and she is in a space. It is not inside: no ceiling. It is not outside: no clouds or sky or sun or moon.

She is standing in a box. There are more boxes for as far as she can see. They are made of wood. Some are plain and some are ornate. Some are inlaid or carved. Some have rare wood.

She steps from box to box. They are up to her thighs. She is careful. Some are beautiful.

A male voice says “You need to pick a box.”

Some are square, a triangle, octagonal. All shapes.

“You need to pick a box.”

“I am looking.” says Qia. She doesn’t want to pick one. She wants to look at them and examine them. She could spend years looking.

“You need to pick one and stay.” Says the voice. “Sit down.”

Qia starts to sit but feels panicky instantly. “It’s too small.” she says.

“If you sit down and put your head to the side, you will fit.” says the male voice.

Qia has a vision of someone nailing a lid on the box. She is not going to obey. Who is this male voice telling her what to do?

Qia wakes laughing at the dream. But she thinks about it.

Qia tells a few people about her dream.

Her massage person says, “Maybe you need to kick a box.” Her kicking muscles are very very tight this week.

She laughs, but she does go home and kick a box. It helps some, but the male in the dream is a part of herself.

One woman says,”That dream would mean that I needed to pick a box.”

Qia doesn’t like that idea. But she considers it as she continues working. The boxes are too small and claustrophobic and yet, the male voice is part of her. How can she satisfy everyone including herself?

Qia thinks carefully.

Qia is happy. A solution appears, when a third person comments.

Qia is at work. The woods are there. Deer, grass, birds. Roses are there. The ocean is there too and the Beloved, in the shape of a dolphin or a horse or a deer or an orca. She works, happy.

Men come. If she doesn’t see them first, they might see a bird or deer or the ocean. As soon as she sees the man, she calls the box. As she sits, it is there.

“What are you doing?” says the man, if he sees her first and sees the woods or the orca.

Qia looks up at the man from her seat in the box. If the man likes women to smile, she smiles. Some men like her to look frightened; she can do that too. Some men want dull or mean or subservient.

When she sees the men first, they see a good girl, sitting in a box.

When the men see her first, they are upset for a moment. They saw a bird, an orca, the ocean. But then they see a good girl, in a box. Some shake their heads and think that they had too much to drink or smoked too much the night before. But Qia is a good girl.

A few, a very few men, don’t trigger a box. She sees them. They see her. They see the deer or the orca. They have animals and forests or mountains or stars with them. They don’t say much.

Qia thought at first that she would have to change for each man. Change into energy, into a star, to fly as fast as light, to the box appropriate to that man. But then she thought, no, she could just move the boxes. And the men have stopped hammering lids down, mostly. When they used to seal women in, the women were not available for cooking or housework or admiring the men or sex. They often died, suffocated or killed themselves. So most boxes have no bottom and have straps for the woman’s shoulders, so that she can do the housework while she wears the box. The consequence, of course, is that many women escape, running like rabbits into the woods. Or they switch from box to box, almost like Qia. But many women do not feel safe unless they are wearing one of the wooden boxes.

Qia is happy. She wears wooden boxes for the men when she has to. She is a good girl. But the box she has chosen is the universe.

Hurricane Ridge

This is one of the watercolors in the Mother Daughter Show III by Helen Burling Ottaway, titled Hurricane Ridge. My parents moved from Alexandria, Virginia in 1996 to Chimacum, Washington. My mother loved the northwest and traveled out to paint, but they did not move to the northwest until my maternal grandmother died. My grandmother lived into her 90s. My mother was diagnosed with stage III ovarian cancer in 1997, one year after the move. She did not get to paint the northwest nearly as much as she and we hoped. She died in May of 2000.

Still, I do have some of her gorgeous northwestern watercolors. I have more to frame, but this show will have some of the ones that she framed.

Mother Daughter Show III

The Mother Daughter Show III is hanging, with a few additions still to come, at Pippa’s Real Tea, in Port Townsend, Washington.

Gallery Walk is Saturday June 6, 2015 from 5 to 8 pm and the first Saturday in July as well.

The photo is of four framed etchings: state I, II, III and IV of the Four Seasons. Each is a limited edition etching individually run and numbered, twenty of each edition. Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. These are by my mother, Helen Burling Ottaway, not by me.

I have not done a full inventory of our art, so I don’t know how many I have of each of these etchings. These are 18 by 24, so technically difficult. I do not have the press, but I may have the plates, though they may have been damaged. And even though I know how to run etchings, I don’t have her skills in inking the plates and more importantly, wiping the right amount of ink off. I may have notes about the ink colors, but the trick would be finding them. And is the same paper still made?

At any rate, I am really delighted to have our work up and ready to show for the months of June and July.

I lost my father today two years ago, so am thinking of both my parents.

Kite

K for the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.

“Let’s go fly a kite, up to the highest height
Let’s go fly a kite and send it soaring.”

Mary Poppins was a movie that scared me as a child and worried me a bit. We didn’t have a television until I was nine, and so movies were a bit overwhelming. Animated movies could be scary but were clearly not real. Oliver Twist was the first movie that I saw with real people and the scene where the villain is shot and his body swings back and forth on a rope gave me nightmares. Way too vivid.

Mary Poppins worried me in a number of scenes. I knew that the fierce women singing about “suffragettes” were important, but I did not know what a suffragette was. I was aware that there was some tension between men and women, but did not know why. I did not ask about it.

I also found the bank scene terrifying. The frightening old men, formally dressed and the very old man in the sterile bank setting, with him nearly slipping and falling on the floor. I did not trust any of them and hoped Micheal would not give them his money. I thought they were ganging up on Micheal. The topic of whether a bank can be trusted is timely over and over again: will our money be safe or are we being lied to and manipulated?

I found the scene up on the rooftops frightening but exhilarating. Here is light and air and birds and flight and a view of the world.

All of this sparked by the word kite….

Just, Justice, Juxtaposition

J in the Blogging from A to Z.

Just, Justice, Juxtaposition

It is funny

R says that I should not
associate with J
leave the wrong
impression
everyone watches
judges in a small town

I am committed
to J

J wants more
pushes

I can’t tell
if J thinks
I’m joking
or just
is pushing me
past my limits

I don’t know

but it is funny

because J and R
are alike
passionate
idealistic
madmen

ethical
committed

R does money
J does improv

yet alike

and R is the joker
and J is the taskmaster

and everyone
is not
what they seem

and my reputation
is shards
anyhow
in the surf
my X
told all
that I wasn’t
putting out

before
we were X

one
in the surf
was my office manager’s
daughter
and my office manager
asked me
next day
couldn’t
I control
the X

I laughed

someday
I want to bring
J to R
or
R to J
and watch

them
circle
like cats
antipathy
or recognize
the heart
that stands open

which is why
I love them both

previously published on everything2.com