August 5, 2025 by drkottaway

Dissolution

I am sorting, Beloved.

I dream that my sister has drowned
in the ocean. A sailboat went down.
There were others on board.
Two friends ready me to dive and find her.
I don’t want to scuba dive, I am not trained.
I don’t know how to use the equipment.
I am afraid I will drown too.
I see her daughter, who is four.
Her daughter knows from my face that her mother is lost.
My friends say, “You will be able to find her.
You can find your sister.”
“But she is dead,” I say.
“I don’t want to find her.”
I know that they are right, I could find her.
But I might be separated and lost, in the depths.
I don’t want to die too.

I wake up.
The dream sticks.
My friends wanting me to wear a borrowed wetsuit
and scuba gear and go down untrained.
My sister floating in the depths, dead eyes open.
But she has been dead for years, I think.
And this is the sea of dreams
my unconscious
the greater unconscious
everything.
So why isn’t my sister’s body dissolving?
Changing to a skeleton.
A skeleton coming apart over the years.

I don’t need a wetsuit
or scuba gear
to dive in the sea of dreams
I can breathe in the unconscious
I have been to the bottom of the sea
many times before.

My niece is four in the dream.
She was thirteen when her mother died.
I think she was lost to me long before that.
The dream knows.
Her mother was lost to me
when my niece was four.
Drowned.

When the dream returns
I will say yes to the dive
I love the sea and the ocean and going deep
I don’t need a wetsuit
I don’t need scuba gear
I don’t need to find my sister’s body
She is gone
Dissolved
I let my past go.

I have not dreamed of the ocean

since.

__________________________________

I really don’t know where my sister is, because of the family schism after she died. Are her ashes somewhere?

This poem wanted to be born. For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: Who knew?

October 25, 2023 by drkottaway

Cinque Terre

My daughter and I went to Cinque Terre in Italy. What fantastic architecture! Five small towns perched along the Mediterranean.

And perched long before cars, so the streets are cobbled and narrow. No cars.

Trains stop at each of the towns. We walked the open part of the trail connecting them. It must be some amazing work to maintain.

Afterwards we took turns swimming, found a place for dinner, and took the train back to Pisa.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: architecture.

September 2, 2023 by drkottaway

Choices

At high tide there was mild turmoil in waiting to see Saint Mark’s Basilica. Either wet shoes, or buy plastic covers, or remove your shoes and socks until you are at the church.

We took off shoes and socks until we were inside. Worth it!

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: turmoil.

May 15, 2023 by drkottaway

Meditation

Fish fly in the ocean, water is their sky
their lives in three dimensions, they jump into the air
escaping larger fish, schools of large and small fry
but up above their ceiling fly birds who eat them there
I dwell on the flat, can jump on land or fly in planes
go right or left or back or front, but less up and down
did seals come onto land but regret the ocean main
return to ocean free again to swim around
my daughter’s team synchronized at the surface of the pool
legs held straight out then spiral down into the water’s embrace
breath held, they disappear, they seem to break the rules
of oxygen. I hold mine too until they surface for a space
fish fly in the ocean, water is their sky
sometimes we dream of heavens where we remember how to fly

_______________________

My daughter was a synchronized swimmer from age 7 to high school, then swim team. Her comfort in the element of water is way beyond most people.

My daughter entering her other element.

The close picture was taken with my zoom lens, but she was not close at all.

I was “life guarding” though she was out far enough that there was not much I could do.

_________________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: sturdy. I am not sure why. I was thinking that the ocean is sturdy and that fish can swim in more dimensions than we humans on land. And swimmers are sturdy too.

I took the first photograph in 2017 at the Baltimore Aquarium.

April 24, 2023 by drkottaway

Local lions

Our local lions are sea lions! I don’t think of sea lions as being good tempered, with the movies of them chasing prey. But out of the water in the sun off of Marrowstone Island, they seem pretty calm and I did not see displays of bad temper.

Sea lions can dive more deeply than seems reasonable because they slow their heart rates, to use less oxygen, and slow digestion. When they arrive back on the surface, they can get oxygen quickly but getting rid of the CO2 is slower. They have to sit around on the surface and the head back posture helps. I’ll bet they can beat any high school or college student in a burping contest. And as you can see, some of these are just huge. We wondered how they got on the rock. Do they have to at low tide or do they just jump?