Longing

When I am little
I long to be old

I adore my grandmother
she is wise

when I come to her
at four months

I am angry
and turn my head from the spoon

my mother tells the story
I do not remember

my grandmother studies me
and says, "Yes,

you may feed yourself."
My mother laughs and tells

"You lived on cheerios
and chunks of banana

and would not let anyone
put anything in your mouth."

There might be a darkness there
that I don't want to think about.

And the finger thumb skill
does not appear

until nine months.
Before that it is a sweep of the hand

to pick things up.
Difficult with cheerios.

I held the bottle too.
I am returned to my parents

at nine months
the grandmother gone

1000 miles away.
I do not like my mother

or my father
nor do I trust them

at first. But one must live
and I do

At two I play falldown
tackling my father

like the people on the television
and he falls down

and I laugh
It is only later that I realize

that only men play falldown.
I think to myself

nothing will stop me
if I want to do something

being a girl
will not stop me

if I want to play falldown
or anything anything else.

My grandmother gives me
the gift of anger

the gift of independence
permission to refuse

the spoon. Permission
to feed myself

and feel my feelings.
And I never ever stop.

I learn to hide some feelings
from my parents

because they cannot allow them.
Sorrow, fear and humiliation

three monsters that I must hide
or refuse to feel.

On a boat my father says
to my young daughter

"Don't be scared
or go below."

I say, "No.
What are you scared of?"

"I am scared that we are stuck
aground

we can't get to shore."
I say, "Look.

We are very close to shore.
I can swim there.

We could wait for the tide
to come back in

and float us free.
But we have two strong mothers

who are trying to winch
us off to float free."

My daughter is satisfied.
Soon another sailor sends a rowboat

taking the four children
to play on shore

while my friend and I
continue to use all our muscle

to winch the boat off
the stubborn earth.

I think it is the tide
coming in

that finally frees us
and we are too tired to sail

by then
and return to the slip.

We have entertained
every live aboard

and they tease us
mercilessly

and we do not care.
But my father's words

"Don't be scared
or go below."

resonate. I chose
to go below

as a child
to hold my feelings sacred

and refuse to entirely
stuff them.

As an adult
a friend says

"You feel things too strongly."
I clam up

immediately.
I feel things too strongly

for HER
but not for me.

My feelings are
MINE and sacred.

My feelings are
prayers to the Beloved.

Your feelings are
prayers to the Beloved.

My best work
as a physician

is when I open the door
to someone's feelings

and they let them out
terrifying

to them.
But not to me.

And when they are done
I say

"It seems to me
your feelings

are perfectly reasonable.
I would feel that way too."

Sometimes I ask
would they still want

the antidepressant?
A counselor?

A follow up visit?
They look surprised.

A weight lifted
for now.

"No.
I will see how I am doing.

I will call if I need
to come in."

"That's fine."
I say.

Somehow I don't
think the AI

can really do this
as I do.

I may be wrong.

When I am very small
I want to be old

and wise
as my grandmother

who saves my heart
and lets me feel.

Now I am middle aged.
I don't want to be old

and wise
for a while yet

but it isn't my choice now,
is it?

Bring it on
Beloved.

Bring it on.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: partner.

I think the Beloved is my partner in joy, in sorrow, in wicked humor. Thank you, Beloved.

Watching my sister die

I wrote this today thinking about my sister's write up "Watching my mother die" here: https://everything2.com/title/Watching+my+mother+die
Her write up is the fourth one down.

______________________________

Watching my sister die


I know before she does
but maybe not
maybe she knew
that last year

brave front
while soliciting money
on the internet
as the cancer progresses

she describes new treatments
I forget
how many rounds of chemo
she endured

eight years
from diagnosis
to death

I stop visiting
for a year
after she bullies 30K more
from our father

and he calls me crying

I give myself permission
to change
to be a physician
more than a sister

because as a sister
my sister is
cruel

she destroys my reputation
with my mother's family

or maybe they already
don't like me
because I think the family rules
are ludicrous and stupid

and I won't follow them

I suppose each generation
has someone who says
wait
these rules make no sense

why are we following these?

I think she will die
by February 2011
but there is another death
unexpected

the death of my hope
for a sister who loves me
for a sister who treats me well

for a sister who loves me

and I let that hope die
and I rise from the ashes
and I choose not to visit

and she uses this
tells people I won't visit
though I don't say I won't

people sent me checks

I sent them back
with thanks
saying

it is too soon
to leave my nascent business

my sister
stays in touch
this year

at last
in February 2012
she calls me

my oncologist
referred me to hospice
but I am not going

yes, I know
you are refusing to go

I don't saybut the cancer
is progressing
and like it or not

you will go

my sister
applies for a clinical trial
miles away

and at last
her enthralled circle
refuses

they say
we are so tired
we cannot drive you there

daily

I fly down
for a long weekend
and the hospice interview

I am excluded
but ask to step in
at the end

I ask the nurse
is this like where I live
that if there is a stroke

or a blood clot
or bleeding
or whatever horror

hospice will keep
her comfortable

but will not treat it?

yes

says the nurse

my sister stands
pushing away from the table
NO she says

I AM NOT READY

yes, I knew that

you are not going

I don't say
but you will go
willing or no

I fly down a second time
and as I leave
she cries

I am surprised

we have not talked
really

there are so many people
in and out
and I've been portrayed
as a villian

there is still time

I fly down a third time

she is angry, angry
now in hospice
angry that she is dying

I start to sing a lullaby
and she says NO

I study her
I sing Samuel Hall

To the gallows I must go
I must go
I must go

To the gallows I must go
with my friends all down below
saying Sam I told you so

damn their eyes
damn their eyes

saying Sam I told you so
damn their eyes

she smiles
a vicious secret smile

she is in renal failure
strange
says

I have to take a trip

I say yes
you do

I don't know how

You will figure it out

How will I find you?

I am surprised again
the connection is still there
buried deep

You said I can take the dragon home
the one I made in college
and gave you

You are born in the year of the dragon
you will have wings
find the dragon

and you will find me

oh, good
she says
relieved

she speaks of a bad pig

I say maybe it isn't bad
maybe it's done some bad things

she shakes her head

I say shall I take the
bad pig away?

she still is not satisfied

I guess: do you want me
to keep the bad pig
from hurting anyone else

yes
she smiles
yes

again we are alone

I am Bad she says

You are not bad
I say
You have done some bad things

Very bad

She is crying

I say I love you anyway

and she blooms
like a rose
soft in a dark orange blanket
with matching lip gloss

forgiven
and reconciled

flying home
I name the dragon
Bad Pig

and gird myself
for death

three days later
she dies

and then the fallout
and the aftermath
begins

_____________________

I will attach this to the Ragtag Daily Prompt "escapade", though I think of escapades as fun.
The escapade is the photograph. She and I were dancing before my wedding, in 2007.
I am the short one and clearly I was teasing her about something.

Sorrow never dies, quite.

Neither does love.


Complicit men: Epstein’s accessories

Trigger warnings: human trafficking, sexual abuse, crimes against humanity, Epstein

The men listed in the Epstein files are silent or are saying, “Not me. I didn’t do it.” But men did do it. And YOU men were at the parties and saw the young women, teenagers, underage. You may have been offered a massage. Maybe you didn’t do it: but if not, why aren’t you speaking up? Why aren’t you saying who DID do it? You are complicit and protecting the rich and powerful and protecting criminals. You are Epstein’s accessories to crime and you are guilty.

Wikipedia: “An accessory is a person who assists, but does not actually participate, in the commission of a crime. The distinction between an accessory and a principal is a question of fact and degree:

If two or more people are directly responsible for the actus reus, they can be charged as joint principals (see: Common purpose). The test to distinguish a joint principal from an accessory is whether the defendant independently contributed to causing the actus reus rather than merely giving generalised and/or limited help and encouragement.

The principal is the one whose acts or omissions, accompanied by the relevant mens rea (Latin for “guilty mind”), are the most immediate cause of the actus reus (Latin for “guilty act”).”

When my son is 16, his friend gets suspended. The friend and my son are outraged, because he wasn’t the one who “did it”. “But you were there when the crime was committed. That makes you an accessory to the crime.”

I explained. “If someone is doing something illegal and you stand by and don’t leave or stop them, you could be arrested as an accessory. For example, if you go to a party and underage people are drinking or smoking pot, even if you aren’t doing it, you could be arrested too. You need to leave.”

“We need to know the laws!” said my son.

Years later I heard that there was a party that they decided not to attend, “because either it will be boring or it will be busted.” It was busted. The father of the young man who threw the party was outraged that his son was benched from the basketball team. I disagreed and my son knew very well that I would have turned off the computers and seen him benched from sports and grounded if he had been involved.

So, people who partied with Epstein, explain your thinking to me? I keep reading that it’s not illegal to party, but it is illegal to stand by when young women are trafficked and sexually abused. Teenage girls at the party? Massage offered? What did you think was going on? You thought they were whores or no better than they should be. You thought it was just fine that a 15 year old girl was having sex with a forty year old man. Or you were a little creeped out but you didn’t do anything. You just turned your face away. You are complicit. You are an accessory. You remain silent and don’t name names. You protect the other rich men, not the teen girls. You are guilty.

Early in my medical career, a teenager was lured from home by a man more than twice her age. He got her pregnant and abandoned her in Mexico. She managed to get home. I called the attorneys for our clinic and said, “Can’t we take him down for sexual abuse?” The answer was that only the girl or her parents could press charges because of the “age of consent” in that state. So a teen can’t make any decision except whether or not to have sex? Do you realize how twisted that is and how it still victimizes young women and makes sex and pregnancy their fault? Legally I cannot see a sixteen year old in clinic or treat them for anything in clinic without parental consent EXCEPT for sexually transmitted disease, birth control and pregnancy. The first baby I had the honor of helping at delivery in medical school was to a 14 year old: her second child.

I wrote about this regarding Bill Cosby: the women spoke up but all the men around him were silent.

So: to Epstein’s partyers: you are complicit, you are accessories to his crimes, you are guilty. When you choose to continue to deny and be silent, you protect all the other men. You are criminals, you are filthy, and you are guilty.

Epstein files: β€˜No one is too wealthy or too powerful to be above the law’; rights experts demand accountability

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: vertigo.

Balancing act

I am working at a site in the greater Seattle area, but I am not going to say where. Why? Two reasons. One is that the patient diversity is huge: the organization is organized to take care of low income, uninsured and immigrant patients. The second is that I am still trying to decide if the balance of the organization is working. It may be working but it might not be working for me.

I am at a large clinic, with primary care, dental, behavioral health, a nutritionist, a pharmacy and three in person translators. In any one day I will probably use translators for at least six languages. English, Spanish, Dari, Hindi, Punjabi, Arabic, French, Somali and sometimes languages that I have to look up the country because I don’t know where that language is spoken. The work is fast and furious.

The overall no show rate is 20%. This makes the day very unpredictable. It can be very very fast and busy with everyone showing up and then later there are three no shows in a row. I think that the no show rate has been less than 20% but on Tuesday it was more. However, everyone showed up in the morning and there was a hospital follow up that should have had 40 minutes and only had 20 and of course then we ran later. My lunch theoretically starts at 12 but I went to lunch at 12:50 and came back 6 minutes late, at 1:06. Then people no showed while I worked to finish off everything from the morning. It did feel a bit nuts.

We are using the electronic medical record EPIC. I find EPIC epically frustrating. It is “feature rich” which means it has too many ways to do things. If I ask someone how to record a phone call to a patient, it takes eight steps. A week later I have to do it again, I ask again, and the next person shows me a DIFFERENT set of eight steps. And there have to be at least eight ways to do anything, so it is very confusing. Also, the “home” page can be personalized to the extent that people look at my version (I have not personalized it much) and say, “Mine looks different. I don’t know how to do that on yours.”

Whew. So, how to cope with the fast furious unpredictable schedule? I am “precharting”. For this Tuesday, I spent 70 minutes going through the patient charts on Saturday. Then I may know why they are coming in, if they had a heart attack two weeks ago and are following up, if it is a well child check and the last one was two years ago, if there are outstanding issues like a elevated liver tests or they have not been in for their out of control diabetes for a year. Then, of course, some of them do not show up. It is so busy that all I feel when someone no shows is some relief, like a ray of sunlight in a dark forest. Ok, the person who was horribly sick and in the hospital for a week and had surgery, they really do need to follow up. But I cannot make them, no one can.

We have live translators, outside translators who come with the patient, family sometimes translates and two phone translation systems. Our live translators cover the following. One Spanish only, one Dari, Arabic and ?maybe Russian. A third language. The third does Hindi, Punjabi and something else. I can’t tell by language who is a recent immigrant or refugee or who is a citizen of the United States for thirty years.

The clinic system has high standards for care of an often vulnerable population. However, I have not decided if it falls into a statement by my grandfather: “The higher the ideals of an organization, the worse its’ human relations.” My job in Alamosa had very high ideals, but I was fifth senior doctor out of 15 in a mere two years. A burnout job. This one has three new doctors coming in soon. My training and assistance to learn EPIC has been sparse and not up to my standards. If the new doctors are treated the same way then this is a burnout job as well. This is a place that I could work in intermittently alternating with other places in the country, but only if it is balanced for both the patients and the physicians. The jury is still out, but there are many red flags. It is a six month job and I am two months in, so we shall see.

Hugs to everyone.

_____________________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: nuts.

The photograph is from Larrabee State Park this weekend. My daughter came out and saw many of her friends, stayed with me, and we camped for one night at Larrabee.

Dissolution

I am sorting, Beloved.

I dream that my sister has drowned
in the ocean. A sailboat went down.
There were others on board.
Two friends ready me to dive and find her.
I don’t want to scuba dive, I am not trained.
I don’t know how to use the equipment.
I am afraid I will drown too.
I see her daughter, who is four.
Her daughter knows from my face that her mother is lost.
My friends say, “You will be able to find her.
You can find your sister.”
“But she is dead,” I say.
“I don’t want to find her.”
I know that they are right, I could find her.
But I might be separated and lost, in the depths.
I don’t want to die too.

I wake up.
The dream sticks.
My friends wanting me to wear a borrowed wetsuit
and scuba gear and go down untrained.
My sister floating in the depths, dead eyes open.
But she has been dead for years, I think.
And this is the sea of dreams
my unconscious
the greater unconscious
everything.
So why isn’t my sister’s body dissolving?
Changing to a skeleton.
A skeleton coming apart over the years.

I don’t need a wetsuit
or scuba gear
to dive in the sea of dreams
I can breathe in the unconscious
I have been to the bottom of the sea
many times before.

My niece is four in the dream.
She was thirteen when her mother died.
I think she was lost to me long before that.
The dream knows.
Her mother was lost to me
when my niece was four.
Drowned.

When the dream returns
I will say yes to the dive
I love the sea and the ocean and going deep
I don’t need a wetsuit
I don’t need scuba gear
I don’t need to find my sister’s body
She is gone
Dissolved
I let my past go.

I have not dreamed of the ocean

since.

__________________________________

I really don’t know where my sister is, because of the family schism after she died. Are her ashes somewhere?

This poem wanted to be born. For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: Who knew?

Done and undone

I am done with my third Grand Junction travel doctor assignment and packing to go home. I don’t think much of my temp company at the moment. I had to nag them for two weeks regarding the travel plans. I had to call both airlines (one hour 18 minutes and one hour 38 minutes) to be sure that taking Sol Duc on board the plane is arranged (it wasn’t). I called the hotel for the day between planes and they do not take pets. I called the company that takes me from the airport the last two hours home and they DID know about the cat. One out of four. They finally switched the hotel on Friday, the last day of work.

Then at 5:18 pm I am sent an email saying I have to vacate on the 19th. The first plane is on the 21st. It was sent by the rep who is covering me and knew the travel arrangements are for the 21st. I am glad that I pay way more attention to detail as a physician than they do to my travel and housing. They frankly suck. And I am not vacating until Monday. They may charge me at which point I will say they need to pay me for spending more than 5 hours fixing their travel screw ups.

I did say to the rep on Friday, “Well, if it’s not arranged today, I will just call the emergency travel line at 5:01 pm. They will help me.” The emergency travel folks cost them more money. That apparently caused them to do the last arrangements. I am doing the travel in two days because otherwise my cat would be in the carrier for 12 or more hours. That is not reasonable.

I am done except for travel home. Today I finish packing and cleaning.

The photograph is Sol Duc in front of our rental house yesterday. I think she will miss the heat here. She seems to quite enjoy 90+ degrees.

________________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: done.

Taste

I am back in Colorado for another work stint.

I am in a different house.

I am in a neighborhood, of cul de sacs that don’t connect. My house is quiet in front but backs on a very busy road, an artery. The speed limit is 40 mph but people often go faster.

The house seems odd to me. There are curtains and shades on every window, all closed when I arrived. I open them, because I like light. There is a 3 by 4 foot television in the living room, another in the master bedroom and a third in a guest bedroom. There is a large kitchen with tons of shelves and cupboards, but a table only seats two, and there are two more chairs at the counter. This feels very odd to me. It seems as if the whole house is arranged to watch television.

I go for a walk in the neighborhood. There are many houses. There are beautifully trimmed lawns and there are flowers and some roses. What is missing? There are no people. Walking a mile and a half, finding the mostly hidden corridors from one cul de sac to the next, I see one man working on his lawn. Even though it is Saturday afternoon, I seen no children, no dogs, no toys. I see two garages that are open, one with a man and in the second I hear a child. Why are there beautiful lawns and no people? And many of the lawns have little flags saying, poison sprayed.

I do turn on one of the televisions after my first day of work. The living room one says that the antenna is not hooked up. The guest bedroom one works. I look on the service. Nearly every movie is about violence and conflict.

I do a little research on the internet. I go to the library and take out 8 books. One is Nonviolent Communication, by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD. Most of the others are fiction. Yet so much fiction is about conflict too. Good triumphing over evil. I am pretty good at nonviolent communication in clinic after 30 years: I want to meet each patient somewhere that is helpful. Sometimes they don’t like what I find, or don’t want to do what I recommend, but I have a deep and abiding faith that everyone can change, that they are smart, that I can make a difference and that they are capable. I think that belief helps daily in clinic.

I choose this book because I want to be better. Some of my family is estranged. I thought that was rare and horrifying at first, years ago. Now I think that it is horrifyingly common, much more common than I realized. How do we heal this? What can we change? I don’t want to be in a dark house with the shades down watching “good” triumph violently over “evil”.

There is a pond, man made, with a fence around it, half a block from my house. There are two male mallards, a female, and eight ducklings. They are fuzzy and delightful. I stop my car and watch the first time I see them, and I walk over too.

I haven’t seen anyone else there. I think we can change. I have hope. I have a deep and abiding faith that we can change.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: garlic.

On guard

My nurse’s breath catches. “Oh, no,” she says.

I am new here. Less than a year. “What?” I say.

“We have Janna Birchfield on the schedule.”

“Who is Janna Birchfield?”

Tonna leans back in her chair at the nurse’s station, a high set desk that runs behind the front office. We have new glass barriers along it to make it more hipaa compliant. It is also more claustrophobic. She throws her pen down. “She’s one of the most hostile people here. She’s known for throwing a brick through her second doctor’s plate glass window.”

“Ah,” I say.

“She was Dr. M’s patient but apparently she and Dr. K got in a screaming fight in the hallway. She is banned from that clinic. So we are the last clinic in town.”

My nurse knows the local stories and she has seen a lot. She doesn’t have a lot of unconscious monsters. Yeah, there is some impatience and some anger there, but she’s pretty good. No real fear, nothing cringing at her feet.

“Hmm. Let me talk to Marnie.” Marnie is our office manager.

Marnie and I talk. I read the last notes from Dr. M and an account of the screaming fight with Dr. K. I call Dr. K. I don’t know of anything that scares her and she is tough. I rather enjoy envisioning her yelling back at this patient.

The day arrives and Mrs. Birchfield is put in a room. Vitals are done. I go in.

Janna Birchfield is big. She weighs about twice what I do, and it’s muscle rather than fat. She looks solid. Not like a body builder, just strong. She tops me by nearly a foot. She looks sullen and unfriendly.

And I am looking at her monsters. Three are guarding a fourth, at her feet. Fear is there, anger is the biggest and posturing, like a body builder, in front. The third is morphing back and fourth: envy and hostility. The fourth is in a stroller, guarded by the other three. Asleep? Unconscious? Well, yes, duh, but it’s not often that a monster is so undeveloped that it is still an infant. Not good.

“Hi, Miz Birchfield. I am Dr. Gen.” I hold out my hand, moving slowly and smoothly. Her monsters alert, fear flinching and anger ready to punch. I stand with my hand out. She eventually touches it, glaring.

“Hi,” sullen.

“We need to talk about the clinic rules first.” I say calmly. Anger puffs up and her shoulders rise as the monster swells and takes control, her elbows rising and hands are fists. Her eyes don’t turn red, but nearly. “I have heard about your argument with Dr. K.”

Furious voice, “She screamed at me. She’s a horrible doctor! She got me thrown out!”

I am smooth and calm, “I am not going to discuss Dr. K,” I say. Honestly, it’s even more fun to think of Dr. K taking this on and not budging an inch. Dr. K is my size, small. “In this clinic, I need you to understand that you are not allowed to yell at anyone at the front desk, in the hallways or on the phone.” Anger flees immediately, small again and she looks confused. “You may not yell at the staff, at the other patients, or at anyone on the clinic property.”

“Why would I agree to that?” she says. She is mostly confused because I am not scared or angry. I am not behaving the way she expects, the way most people behave around her.

“If you are upset, the only people you can yell at are me or the office manager and you need an appointment.”

“They are rude to me!” Basically she means everyone. “You can’t make me do that!”

“Take it or leave it.” I say. “You need to agree and keep the agreement, or we will discharge you immediately. If you say no, leave now, and I won’t charge for the visit.”

Her monsters are confused. Anger has shrunk back down and they are conferring, heads together. Confusion has shown up as well, morphing though different colors and stripes, stars and paisleys. She stares at me, frozen hostility. I just wait, sitting in front of my laptop, serene. This is going well. She isn’t yelling and she hasn’t left.

“What if they are mean?” she says.

“You will make an appointment with me or the office manager, and we will help you.”

“Ok,” she says. The monsters are still surrounding the carriage, but really, now confusion is in charge. We work through the rest of the visit, as I get to know her a little. She has had a hard, hard life.

I let the front office and the nurses know the rules. The office manager and I let them know that this is a contract with the patient and she has agreed. They feel protected. They feel protected enough that they are nice to her. She behaves and starts, infinitesimally, to relax. She is still angry and hostile in the exam room but it’s not directed at me. It is directed at the entire world, the rest of the world outside the clinic. I try to help her medically but also let the monsters have their say. The visits start with anger and hostility but tend to subside into confusion. I am not getting at the fear or whatever is in the stroller. It is one of the large old fashioned ones, heavy, navy blue, where an infant can lie flat. Clearly it does not fold up to go in a car or anywhere else convenient. There are no toys hanging from the top or across it, no stuffed animals. Only a form under the blankets, always still.

I may reach that form, or not. I do not know.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: paleontology.

Purity’s post

The root word for Katherine is pure, so Purity will write today’s post. Purity read about illeism in this BBC article: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20230411-illeism-the-ancient-trick-to-help-you-think-more-wisely. Purity admits that it feels a bit embarrassing to write in the third person here on the blog, very egotistical, but that is not what the article is about. It is about writing that way in one’s journal. Purity has been trying it and it is interesting. It sets events at a distance and quiets and muffles the emotions related to events. How very curious.

Purity does not plan to keep writing this way on the blog nor does she plan to start speaking with a royal we. However, the United States appears to be in a state of chaotic stupidity and it is affecting everyone. Not just in the United States, but the rest of the world as well. Purity thinks of the United States as a teenage country, struggling with hormones, while the old countries stand back, watch and sigh. “At some point he will mature,” they say to each other. “Or destroy himself.” And yes, a male teenage country, stupid and boastful with testosterone. Purity thinks it will take the United States another 200 years to live down President #47 and his minions, if we survive.

At any rate, Purity hopes that the prompt of illeism might be more light hearted and be a new word to some people and tickle their fancies. Apparently our fancies mostly lie in our cats. Cats certainly seem to be experts in illeism. May you each feel as wonderful today as a cat when they own the world.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: illiesm.

Impersonal Day

After I post my story about nuisance on Thursday, I have a bigger nuisance show up. I get ready for work, tell my cat to have a lovely day, get in the car, open the garage door, back out and press the button to close the door.

It doesn’t close.

I try again.

It won’t close and is wonky at the base.

Dang it. I pull back into the driveway and investigate. Two of the wheels are out of the track and it’s obviously broken. There is a button lock between the garage and the house, but the garage also has stuff in it from the owners, including tools. I get a chair, stand on it and am clear very quickly that I can’t fix it.

Next I call work and apologize, but I can’t secure the house and can’t leave. They cancel my day. I have to dig around for the rental number but I find it. I call once, text, wait a bit and call again. He calls back and sends a person over.

The person take about half an hour to get there and he can’t fix it. They call a garage door company.

So now I am cooling my heels and stuck here. My kids all have wishlists for Christmas so I get everything ordered and sent off to my son’s. They will be rather inundated with packages since one Amazon order generated 7 packages all on different days. Goodness. I do some cooking, read a novel, and wait.

At 3 pm I let the rental person know that I am still waiting.

At 4:15 two garage door people show up. The wire at the opposite side from where the wheels are off is all tangled and off the rails. They have some specialized tools and it is fixed by 4:45. Part of the time is just them waiting for payment permission to go ahead with the fix. The garage door now opens and closes! I thank them and they head out. Turns out that their boss lives on my street.

A friend says, “You called in a personal day.”

“No,” I reply, “I called in a stuff goes wrong day. A very impersonal day.” My work did not give me any grief at all about it. We were already shorthanded but what could any of us do? Apologies to any patients who got canceled! We all do the best we can, right? Things break down sometimes.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompts: shopping and nuisance.

I deleted some past posts to make room but apparently not enough, sigh. Another bit of a nuisance. I can post a phone photograph but not one from my bigger camera.