Love gently

Honey is older, nearly thirty years since that first feeling of being bitten by ants. She is back in corporate medicine, as a temp. Temporary, short term, maybe that will work better.

It is a joy to go in a room and be alone with a person and their monsters. Theirs and hers. Sometimes the younger ones haven’t experienced it, they are terrified if one of their monsters becomes a little bit visible, they hate seeing them. Honey tries to be gentle. If they only want to talk about the sore shoulder and not the stress and violence, well, she leaves the door open a crack. Sometimes the monsters cry.

Older people may be stiff to start with, but when they realize their monsters are seen, acknowledged, this isn’t another robot doctor in to say increase your diabetes medicine, lower your diabetes medicine, tell them a plan without ever connecting, the older ones lean back, sigh, and relax. The monsters play on the floor, Honey’s monsters playing with theirs, happy, engaged.

The hard part is the clinic staff. Honey is with them daily. The medical assistants are young. They kick their monsters aside as they walk down the hall. It is terribly hard and heartbreaking to work at her desk, with the medical assistants’ monsters cowering under their desks, kicked, abused, silent tears and holding bruises. Honey’s monsters mind. They climb into her lap and hide their faces in her shirt, under her jacket, peer over her shoulder. They don’t understand! Why can’t she be nice to THESE monsters?

Honey whispers to her monsters when the medical assistants are rooming patients. “I am so sorry, loves. If I acknowledge these, the monsters of the women working, I become a demon. It is very hard to share an office, no wonder I worked in a clinic alone for eleven years.” Honey has been through that. It is still inconceivable that some people don’t see the monsters at all. Is it learned blindness? Or just not developed unless someone had to learn it? Unless someone grows up in terror and seeing the monsters is the only way to survive.

Honey thinks some people learn to see them as adults, at least their own monsters. Hard enough to do that, without seeing the monsters clinging to other people.

Honey is tired of her monsters crying in sympathy with the staff’s monsters. She thinks maybe there are small crumbs that she can leave for these demons. Little gifts. Her monsters can creep under the desk when she is the only one in the room and leave something. A flower. A dust bunny. A crumb of a crisp. A small rock. A little gift to let them know they are seen and loved. A poem. A prayer. Just a tiny bit of love.

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For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: crisp.

The photograph is me all dressed up for the 1940s ball.

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Double standard: AI technology can take jobs but improving healthcare can’t

The United States could go to single payer healthcare, but one objection has been “People will lose their jobs with health insurance companies.” Yet no one seems to object to AI, Artificial Intelligence taking jobs. It’s technology so it’s fine! The wave of the future! Coming whether we like it or not!

One form of single payer healthcare is medicare for all. Expand medicare so that it covers everyone. At first, it only covered retired female teachers. Women were only considered for teaching jobs if they were single. A married woman was expected to work in the home. The teaching pay was low. Men were expected to be supporting a family, so they got more. Women were often supporting parents or children if spouses died or divorced or abandoned a family or were disabled. Early census information was a finagle: any male in the household was listed as “head” even if it was an elderly disabled father or a boarder or a teen. So the true numbers of women as head of households were obscured.

Single payer would improve healthcare. There would be ONE set of rules. Physicians would know if something was covered. Right now there are over 500 health insurance companies and they each have multiple different policies. Not only that, but the policies can change monthly in what they cover. Did you know that? I would get monthly postcards from multiple companies saying that I could go on line to one of the 500 different websites and see what they had changed and were no longer covering. I found little time to learn 500 websites. We spend enormous amounts of healthcare money on communication back and forth from insurance companies to hospitals and clinics. Trying to prior authorize CT scans, MRIs, surgeries, referrals, medications (even old cheap ones!) and then attempting to get the health insurance companies to pay for the care. Remember that the insurance companies are allowed a 20% profit: so for 1 million dollars of healthcare money, $200,000 can go to profit. The people and computer work is not in that profit, so what percentage of your healthcare dollar goes to attempting to prior authorize and get paid? How much of your healthcare dollar would you like to go to healthcare?

Medicare’s overhead is either 1.4% or 6%, instead of that 20% profit and the prior auth/collection effort. There are two different estimates (from here):

1. There are two different measures of Medicare’s administrative costs. One figure comes from the Medicare Board of Trustees’ annual report, while the other comes from CMS’ National Health Expenditure Accounts. According to the latest trustees’ report, Medicare’s overhead represented 1.4 percent of its total expenditures. According to the latest NHEA, Medicare’s overheard was 6 percent of expenditures.

2. The discrepancy between the two figures is due to Medicare Parts C and D. Mr. Sullivan wrote that the difference between the trustees’ measure of overhead and the NHEA measure “is due almost entirely to the fact” that the NHEA figure includes administrative expenses incurred by health insurers that participate in Medicare Advantage (Part C) and Medicare’s prescription drug program (Part D). In essence, the overhead associated with the private insurers involved with Medicare raise the program’s overhead by almost 5 percent, or $24 billion in 2010.

People worry about “socialized medicine” but really, the closest system to socialized medicine is the Veterans Administration. I don’t think anyone wants to take their healthcare away, and some of it is specialized depending on where they were deployed and what they were exposed to. I saw veterans in my clinic because we were more than 30 miles by car from a VA hospital.

What about medicare fraud? I saw way more fraud with the insurance companies. Companies will maximize revenue by sending equipment at the exact interval insurance allows (like sleep apnea equipment and diabetes glucometers). It doesn’t matter to them if it’s being used or not. After my father died, there were 16 full oxygen tanks full in his house. The company was happy to pick them up and no, they did not want to reimburse the payments. A biller told me that often the health insurance companies will pay less then the contracted amount. When challenged, they say, “Oh, that was a computer error! We will fix that!” She said, “I have never once seen the error in the physician’s favor.” When I had cobra insurance, they would not pay my bills and I had to call them every single time to force them to pay. It took enormous amounts of time and again they claimed, “Oh, computer error!” I finally called their counseling line and said, “I want to be counseled for your company refusing to call me back and screwing over this cobra policy, and by the way, I have a family member dying of cancer.” That finally made them fix it.

WHY is our culture ok with technology taking jobs, while improving healthcare can’t? Get rid of the health insurance companies! Medicare for all! If we all had secure health insurance, think of the work innovation in our country!

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: finagle.

Work again

I have been wondering whether to try to work again. It’s risky.

I asked the pulmonologist from Swedish Hospital if there was any way to keep from getting pneumonia number five. “We don’t know.” Is it safe for me to return to work? “We don’t know.” I like the plural in the answer, is he speaking for pulmonologists or Swedish or what? Anyhow, the risk is pneumonia number five and death or ending up permanently on oxygen or needing a lung transplant or something stupid like that.

It’s not raining yet and I promised not to even attempt to return to work until it rains.

I saw my cardiologist yesterday. He thinks I should return to work. Early on he said that I am smart, “like one of those old fashioned internists who read everything.” I laughed, because yes, I am a science geek. At the next visit he said, “The family doctors aren’t always as thorough as they could be.” I replied, “I don’t know, after all, I’m a Family Practice Doctor.” “Oh.” he said, “I thought you were an internist.” Which made me laugh because it’s a sort of back handed compliment. Cardiologists do a three year internal medicine training and then more years of sub specialty to become a cardiologist. Most specialists seem to scorn Family Practice a bit, though not all. And I have definitely had specialists ask me for help. A perinatologist: “How do I help people stop smoking?” I laughed at that, too, and replied, “Do you want the five minute , the ten minute, the thirty minute or the one hour lecture?” A med-peds doc asks me to put a cast on a child’s arm because even though she is board certified in internal medicine and pediatrics, she has almost no orthopedic training. I was at that clinic to see obstetric patients that day, but was happy to do the cast too. I love the broad training and the infinite variety of rural Family Practice. It is SO INTERESTING and OFTEN FUN THOUGH NOT ALWAYS. Sometimes it’s sad.

Here is an article about a physician doing what I want to do: https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/long-covid-treatment-lisa-sanders.html. She thrives on complexity, she thrives on diagnostic puzzles and she writes the column that the television series “House” was based on. When I watched House, what I noticed was the nearly all of the patients on the show were either leaving something out or lying. In reality, I think it’s just that sometimes we need a lot of time to pull together the complex picture and clues. I always pay attention to the pieces of the puzzle that do not fit and sometimes those are the key to finding a diagnosis that is unexpected. Dr. Sanders spends an hour with a new patient. That is what I did in my clinic for the last decade, because that hour gave me so much information and it allows people to feel heard. A ten or fifteen minute visit doesn’t let people speak. It’s slam bam here is your prescription ma’am. What I see in the multitude of notes from all the doctors I’ve seen since 2014 is that they leave most of the conversation out of the note. Things I think are important. I think most of the clinic notes about me are crap and the physician is not listening and doesn’t know what to do. I include the stuff that doesn’t fit and doesn’t seem to make sense in the notes I write. Patient appreciated, when I gave them their note at the end of the visit. “You got all that?” Oh, yes, I tried.

One of the Long Covid symptoms that Dr. Sanders mentions is people “feeling like they are trembling inside.” I’ve seen that before Covid-19. That was a symptom that I did not pin down in a particular patient, but now there is more than one person complaining of the same thing. Really, why don’t physicians include those complaints? It’s egotism to cut out anything you don’t understand and most patients want help so are motivated not to lie. Ok, they might admit that they’ve been out of their blood pressure medicine for two weeks and that’s why their blood pressure is too high, or they’ve been drinking mochas and that’s why their blood sugar is way too high, but they are really in to get help. I think it is a terrible disservice not to document what they say, even if it’s not understood and the physician thinks it’s unrelated to their specialty and they don’t know what to do.

So: I want to do a Long Covid Clinic, with an hour for the first visit, and longer than usual follow ups. Part time because of my lungs and the fatigue. We shall see, right? I am going to look for grants to help set this up.

Think of how much work went in to this statue and this church. The Basilica di San Marco took at least 400 years to build and decorate!

Medicare Disadvantage

Medicare Advantage plans, from for profit insurance companies, are being rebranded Medicare Reach.

They seem like a good deal. They are if you are healthy forever! So what is the catch?

In Michigan I go to look at a nursing home with a friend. The administrator shows us around. Small rooms with two beds. We also look at an assisted living. Much larger rooms, the friend can stay overnight in the private room with the parent, at a cost of $4000.00 per month. Her insurance will not cover it.

But back to the nursing home. The administrator tells us that it’s good that her parent does NOT have a medicare advantage or medicare reach plan. “It is nearly impossible to get the insurance companies to approve a rehabilitation stay at a nursing home.”

“Really?” I say.

“Oh, really.” She says. “The insurance companies certainly don’t want you to know that when you buy their “deal”.”

So, the for profit insurance companies want you if you are of medicare age and are well. BUT the catch is that they really don’t want to cover if you are sick. Think carefully before you buy a pig in a poke!

Physicians for a National Healthcare Program is working to stop the insurance companies from skimming profit off the healthier elders and then abandoning them when they are not healthy. I wish that the United States citizens would clue in, get mad, and vote for single payer! Write your congresspeople and put pressure on them! They listen to money but in the end, they live by votes. Make sure you look at the fine print, because the insurance company is there to make a profit off you, not preserve your health.

The picture is Mordechai, our plastic clinic skeleton, distrusting Profit-Over-Health Insurance Companies.

Why I hate insurance companies: 1

I had cobra from my job in 2009 and the insurance company refused my bills. Not one bill. Not once. EVERY BILL EVERY TIME: 1. my healthcare 2. my son’s healthcare 3. my daughter’s healthcare 4. my daughter’s orthodontia 5. my dentist 6. my son’s dentist. I had to call EVERY TIME to get them to pay. Calling an insurance company takes 25 or 30 minutes, right? Eventually I asked for customer service who first said it was my fault because “you probably paid the bill late”. I said, “No, I was on time every month.” Then customer service wouldn’t call me back. I finally called their COUNSELING HOTLINE, since it said I would be “paid” $30 to get counseled, and said, “MY LITTLE SISTER IS DYING OF BREAST CANCER AND THE THING THAT IS MOST STRESSING ME OUT IS YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY WON’T PAY THE COBRA BILLS AND I HAVE CALLED CUSTOMER SERVICE OVER AND OVER AND THEY WON’T CALL ME BACK. HOW ABOUT YOU COUNSEL ME HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT!” And I cried. I got a call back from the head of customer service saying “Oh, it’s a computer glitch and we had you misfiled. We have fixed it.” They “misfile” people all the time, or drop patients if they get sick, or say the person didn’t pay on time. I HATE INSURANCE COMPANIES. Anyhow, be warned that insurance companies are there to earn money and will try to avoid paying you in all sorts of ways, including ways that are illegal.

We need single payer healthcare, medicare for all. If we all have healthcare, think of how many small businesses would start up. And why don’t we have single payer healthcare? I think the big corporations don’t want it.

Physicians for a National Healthcare Program: https://pnhp.org/

Medicare for all: https://medicare4all.org/

And my dear friends not on the road any more: http://madashelldoctors.com/

Who is the man in the photograph? I don’t know. This is an old tintype. They came from my Great Aunt, Esther White Parr, married to Russel Parr. Perhaps they are Parrs, because my Uncle Rob did not know any of the people in the four tintypes I have. My sister and I used them for portraits in our china doll houses. I hope he is not the CEO of an insurance corporation, but then, all the white collar white men tried to dress that way then.

failure of the medical non-system

One thing that makes me gloomy, as a Family Practice Physician: the only person who has read my medical notes from the multiple specialists is ME.

Since March 2021, I have seen Family Practice, Cardiology, Pulmonology, Infectious Disease, Immunology and Psychiatry. I am in a rural area, so this involves three different hospital systems. They all use the EPIC electronic medical record, but they won’t release information to each other. I have gotten two of them hooked together under ONE of my names and passwords but guess what: my primary care physicain can’t see the notes from the other sites. Only I can. “Proprietary infromation.” Hey, you stupid medical non-systems, this is MY healthcare, MY notes, and YOU SUCK.

My primary care physician COULD request the notes from my pulmonologist but she hasn’t. I find this incomprehensible. I have been on oxygen for over a year. I guess my doctor frankly doesn’t care. Has she farmed my lungs out to pulmonology and doesn’t have to pay attention any more? My goal in practice was to have all of the specialists’ notes. If that was five different specialists, I requested them. Ok, it is next to impossible to get psychiatry notes. I keep wondering if psychiatrists really write notes. The patients never seem to know what diagnosis the psychiatrist is using. One hundred percent of the people that I have seen put on an (addictive) benzodiazepine say that it is for sleep. Meanwhile, at the conferences, the psychiatrists say that primary care should not give the patients benzodiazepines for sleep. I raise my hand: “Even when you psychiatrists have started them? The patients all say it’s for sleep. We don’t know WHAT you have them on it for.” When I try to stop the benzo, the patient has a fit and says that psychiatry said they have to have it. And the psychiatrist has retired or left or changed the phone number and there are no notes ever.

Anyhow, I am counting up specialists. I had really bad strep A pneumonia in 2012 and 2014. Since 2012 I have seen 20 specialists. That is counting the three Family Practitioners, because Family Practice is a specialty too. I thought it was about taking care of the whole person, which to me means reading all the specialists notes, but not one of the ones I have been to has done that.

So the medical system is an abject failure. I blame the US citizens. We choose the system with our votes. We need medicare for all, single payer healthcare, and one electronic medical record for all of the United States. Right now, there is a push to privatize medicare and turn it over to For Profit. We need to fight this and we need to demand better healthcare. Hospital organizations should not be refusing to send my clinic note to my primary care doctor. It is stupid and bad care.

https://pnhp.org/ Physicians for a National Healthcare Program for more information.


On The Edge of Humanity Magazine

Huge thanks to The Edge of Humanity Magazine, for publishing two essays.

The first one on May 9, 2022, that abortion must remain legal for women’s health:

The second today, about behavioral health in a pandemic and war. As caring humans, how could we NOT respond with distress to the suffering and deaths from both Covid-19 and disasters and wars?

I am so delighted to be featured on this platform. I enjoy so many of the artists and writers and poets who are featured there and I am very happy to contribute!

how doctors think, a dual pathway

A friend calls today and says that another person is bleeding and yet they have been set up to be seen Monday. Why isn’t this an emergency?

Based on the limited information the friend tells me, I agree with the doctors. It is NOT an emergency and I explain why. It is uncomfortable for the person because it may be cancer. Why is that not an emergency?

Let’s use chest pain in the emergency room as an example. Doctors have two brain tracks that are triggered simultaneously by every patient. The first one is “What could kill this person in the next five minutes?” The second is “What is common?” Common things are common and more likely. In medical school the really rare things are nicknamed zebras. You know there are a lot of horses but you can’t miss the zebra. I suppose that in Africa the common things are zebras and the rare ones are orcas or something like that.

Anyhow, the killers for chest pain are heart attacks, sudden death. But there could also be a dissecting aortic aneurysm, where the largest artery in the body is tearing. That person can bleed to death really really fast and that is a surgical emergency. No doctor wants to miss it. There could be a pulmonary embolism, a clot blocking the lung. Chest pain could be from a cancer. A very rare chest pain is from the valve leaflets in the heart tearing so that the person goes in to flash pulmonary edema. And there is Takayasu’s Arteritis, “broken heart syndrome”, where the heart suddenly balloons in size and again, heart failure ensues. Heart failure is actually pump failure, so fluid backs up in the lungs or the legs or both. It is usually slow but rarely very fast and dramatic. A collapsed lung can also cause a lot of pain. And my list is still not complete, I haven’t mentioned pericarditis or myocarditis or a compression fracture.

The common things do include heart attacks, but also anxiety, musculoskeletal problems, inflamed cartilage of the chest wall, fibromyalgia flares, broken ribs, trauma and other things. I was very puzzled in clinic by a woman with pain on both sides of her lower chest wall. In front but cutting through her chest. I ruled out many things. I thought that it was her diaphragm. I sent her to a rehab doctor for help. The rehab doctor sent her to radiology. She had a compression fracture of her spine and the nerves were sending pain messages on both sides. That was not even on my “differential diagnosis” list, because she had no back pain at all. My list changed that day.

Physicians and nurse practitioners and physicians assistants and registered nurses and licensed practical nurses and medical assistants are all trained to think of this differential diagnosis. We are alerted by the history and have to think down both pathways. Last year working as a temporary doctor, the medical assistant came to me saying, “This patient’s blood pressure is 80/60.” “Is he conscious?” I asked, as I went straight for the room. “Yes, he’s talking.” He WAS talking, which means that he’s gotten to 80/60 slowly or is used to it. His heart rate was fast, up near 120. I immediately had him drink water and keep drinking, as soon as he denied chest pain. The problem was dehydration: he was developmentally delayed and had only had one cup of fluid that day and it was now midafternoon. I spent time explaining that he needed 8 cups each day. Not more than that, because if he had too much fluid, it would lower his sodium and make his muscles weak. Most days he drank 3-4 cups. His chart graphed the problem: some days he had normal blood pressure and a normal heart rate. Other days his blood pressure was below normal and his heart rate was fast, his heart trying to make up for the low level of fluid. Cars don’t do so well when there is almost no oil, do they? His kidneys were affected as well. I asked him to drink the 8 cups a day, discussed the size of the cup (not 8 gallons, please) and then recheck labs in 2 weeks. If his kidneys did not improve, he would need a kidney specialist. It turned out that he had nearly fainted that morning in the waiting room. His group home person admitted that no one had noticed that he really was not drinking fluid. I thought that the patient understood and would try to drink a better amount of fluid.

So back to the person I was called about. Infection has been ruled out. This is blood in the urine. A kidney stone has been ruled out, but there is something in the kidney. This is urgent, but if the person is not bleeding hard, it is not emergent. When there is blood in the urine it does not take very much to turn it red. If there is a lot of blood, that can be an emergency, but from the story I got third person, it’s not very much. The emergency things are ruled out but there is still not a clear diagnosis. Yes, cancer is one of the possibilities but it could also be benign. Now a specialist is needed to figure out the next step and the differential diagnosis, the list of things it could be. They will order tests in the same dual order: what could kill this person quickly and what do we need to rule out as common? People often can be very anxious during this period, which is normal. The person says, “I don’t care what it ISN’T, I want to know what it IS.” But sometimes it is a zebra and it takes a while to get to that specific test.

Another example is a woman that I sent to the eye doctor. The optometrist thought it was something rare and bad. He sent her to the opthamologist, who ruled out the first thing, but thought it was something else rare and bad. He sent her to a retinal specialist. The retinal specialist ruled out the second rare and bad thing and said, “No, you have something very rare that is benign.” My patient said, “I have three diagnoses. Who do I believe?” I replied, “No, you have one. The optometrist knew it was unusual and sent you to an eye doctor. The eye doctor know it was unusual and sent you to an even more specialized eye doctor (a “sub specialist”. We keep them in basements.) Now you have a diagnosis. It was a scary process, but I think you should focus on the third opinion because hey, she said it’s benign and it won’t hurt you! That is the best outcome!” She thought about it and agreed. The process was frightening but the conclusion could not have been better.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: disquieting.

Baby doctor

I pick up a Steffi-baby doctor while I am in Michigan.

For whom, you say?

For ME. I collect mother/baby images and statues. I have photographs, statues and toys, of mothers and babies and of pregnant women. Some family ones too. I am a Family Practice doctor, after all.

The Steffi is in with a bunch of Barbies. I am glad to see Barbie Princesses that are ethnically diverse. Next I hope the Disney will decide that adult women who are not virgins are human too, but judging by the way the second Frozen was received, I am not holding my breath. The only good Disney Queen is a dead one. The ones who survive, well, sex apparently turns them evil. It is pretty consistent in the Disney animated movies.

So, Steffi. I was thinking of Skipper, Barbie’s friend, but I realize that Steffi is not Skipper. Note that the baby has a facial rash. This apparently resolves if a cool washcloth is used on the baby’s face. I wish all babies were that easy to treat.

I look up Steffi on the internet and she is German. The packaging confirms this, with an instruction sheet in German and multiple other languages. I like Steffi a lot better than the Disney Princesses. She has tools: a stethoscope and a bottle and an otoscope and a thermometer and a rather mysterious looking caliper set. She has a green version of the white coat and a dress with hearts to reassure the babies. And LOOK! Steffi is wearing a MASK!

I love it. Up with Steffi, who can do things. I am not totally against princesses, I am just against the whole princesses are waiting for some prince to arrive and then their life will… well, they will die in childbirth if they remain nice and they will turn evil if they live. It seems like a poor choice of careers, honestly. My favorite princess is the Dealing with Dragons series, because that princess decides not to follow the usual princess path. The first thing she does is follow a frog’s advice and runs away. And the dragons are wonderful too.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: worry. I worry about the message of the Disney Princesses.

where you can’t find me

Poem: where you can’t find me

It is easy with you
All the places you’ve been offended
Where you haven’t been treated right
A bike shop
Food co-op
Coffee shops
Restaurants

It’s easy to hide my physical body
Where you can’t find me

But what of my mind and heart

You always feel it when I go

I go to the Beloved
I give up
I cast myself into the abyss
Grief, denial, loss, bargaining, abandonment, hopeless grief
I throw myself over the cliff
Over and over
I resist
And then let go

It’s not wings
Because the cliff is a waterfall
I don’t want wings
And the Beloved laughs

Wings form
I refuse to fly
I won’t I won’t I won’t
I fall towards the water

Each time I wonder
If this time the Beloved will not shift
I hit the water

Safe again
Scales and tail
And I can breathe

And swim free
To the sea