Category Archives: change

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Hungry

Each time I’ve gotten pneumonia, I drop ten pounds in a week. The weight stays off, each time for longer. Then I gain it back and go past my “normal” weight. It takes work to get that extra weight off.

I have been trying to lose that extra weight since the start of the year. At first I just tried to increase my vegetable intake. The green, yellow and orange vegetables have the lowest calories and carbohydrates. The grains and rice and potatoes and bread are all more dense and have more calories and carbohydrates. I tried to go easier on them.

I did not make much progress. The climbing gym has been building muscle and clothes fitting better, but the scale did not move much.

I started having conversations with my stomach. I would eat. My stomach would demand more. “HUNGRY! WANT MORE!” This is not real hunger, as the people in occupied territories are having. This is my stomach or hindbrain fussing. It was easiest to control at lunch. I would fill half my container with spinach or mixed greens and then add more vegetables or tuna salad or egg salad or humus and vegetables. I would take a piece of fruit. Once that was done, we were done. “HUNGRY!” my stomach would complain. “That’s ok,” I would tell myself, “It’s ok to be a little bit hungry. We’ve had enough food. Stop fussing.”

My stomach fussed a lot at first. Now it is more of a query: “Hungry?” “No,” I reply, “we’ve had enough.” It seems to quiet down much more quickly. I think I am losing weight but I have no scale here and haven’t remembered to weigh myself in the last 3 weeks at work. Never mind. I have more muscle, at any rate, which is denser than flab. Muscle burns 9 kcal/gram and fat burns 4 kcal/gram. I climbed yesterday at the gym and might again this afternoon. It did take weeks or a couple months for my stomach to quiet down. Changing habits is not easy.

The tuna salad and spinach and green chili dish was my breakfast this am. I don’t think my stomach complained at all after it. It was distracted by packing and clearing out the refrigerator and cleaning. Sol Duc knows I am packing but is pretty sure she is going with me. I have been putting her toys in the carrier and she’s gone in and out to suss out the situation.

I hope all the people who are suffering from hunger get fed, today and tomorrow and the next day.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: hungry.

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Hormones and rabbit holes

Medicine is confusing right now. Ok, it is always confusing because we try to base it on science and science is always changing. There are always special areas that are currently a mess. Hormones!

I speak to a patient recently who is female, premenopausal, and is getting hormone replacement therapy for hot flushes and not sleeping well from an outside source. The person wants me to order hormone tests. I do order hormone tests but not the ones she has in mind. I test a TSH, thyroid stimulating hormone, to see if she is low or high in thyroid.

She is thinking of me testing estrogen and progesterone and other related hormone levels. The party line from gynecology MDs and DOs is that these are not useful tests because women’s hormone levels are so varible. However, there are lots of naturopaths out there and functional medicine MDs and DOs who will test levels. Why is the patient asking ME to test them? Most of those naturopaths and functional medicine providers do not take insurance and charge cash. Also, insurance may not pay for them anyhow because the party line is that they aren’t useful. Why would the cash providers check levels? One reason is CASH. Another is to prescribe “bioequivalent hormone replacement”. Sounds natural, right? Well, the natural thing was for the hormones to stop at menopause and all of the hormones are either made in a laboratory from plant pre-estrogens or from pregnant mare urine, so bioequivalent seems to imply natural but it really isn’t. Pills do not grow on trees, they are made by humans in laboratories.

However, I question party lines, and off I go down the hormone rabbit hole. The current guidelines are that female hormone replacement, after menopause, should be lowest dose possible and only for a maximum of three years because of the increased risk of breast cancer. This doesn’t address my question: does premenopausal hormone replacement count as part of those three years? I may need to ask gynecology. I don’t think it counts. A woman is postmenopausal when she has had no periods for a year. Or had her ovaries removed. Or if she’s had a hysterectomy and still has her ovaries, a yearly follicle stimulating hormone and lutienizing hormone test. Both tests rise when the ovaries stop making hormones and eggs.

Also, there is another caveat. We know that when men are on opioids, the opioids can suppress their hormones and lower testosterone. Here is a paper: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31511863/. Half the men studied in multiple studies had low testosterone when on chronic opioid therapy. 18429 subjects (patients) in 52 studies. That is a lot. Women studied? NONE. What? Yeah, none. Why? Here is part of the answer: about a decade ago I worked with the UW Telepain group and asked the head of the UW Pain clinic a question. “If opioids lower hormones in men, do they in women too?”

His reply, “I don’t know.”

“Have you ever tested a woman?”

“No.”

“Isn’t that sort of sexist?”

“Yes.”

So here I am, rechecking a decade later, and we still don’t know if giving women chronic opioids messes up their hormone levels. It would be more complicated and difficult to check women. We might have to do individual hormone baselines or something in premenopausal ones, say, 2 weeks after menses. Remember that for most of the history of medicine, clinical drug trials were only done in men, because, well, sexism. They said women could get pregnant. Yes, but then we gave the drugs to women who could get pregnant. Also, postmenopausal women can’t get pregnant. The whole thing seems stupid to me.

There is an interesting new finding here: https://neurosciencenews.com/estrogen-t-cells-pain-28548/ . Apparently in women, estrogen and progesterone work on receptors at the base of the spine to reduce pain signals using T cells, part of the immune system. The article says this doesn’t happen in men, but they were studying mice. The male mice didn’t seem to have worse pain after estrogen and progesterone were blocked. The female mice were in more pain. But wait, estrogen and progesterone are produced in men as a by product of making testosterone. Less than women, until menopause. Then the 70 year old man has more estrogen and progesterone than his postmenopausal wife. The article says that they don’t know why the receptors are in women and female mice (um, my intuitive guess would be childbirth and micebirth, right? Men don’t do that and women giving birth to a child after the first one sometimes say, “WHY did I want to do THIS again?” I think those receptors are so that women and mice can get through more than one pregnancy.) Now I need to read the article again because maybe men and male mice don’t have the receptors, even though they do have some estrogen and progesterone. Maybe they just don’t have enough estrogen and progesterone.

Maybe we can’t figure out women’s hormone because men aren’t smart enough, heh, heh. Yes, that is sexist right back at all those historical figures who didn’t study women.

At any rate, that still doesn’t answer my two questions: does premenopausal hormone replacement count towards the three year total beyond which hormone replacement increases the risk of breast cancer? And does chronic opioid treatment lower women’s hormone levels?

_________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: hormone.

I took the photograph of a Port Townsend rabbit in 2011.

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Alcohol myths

I am back working in Colorado and a recurring theme this month is alcohol and alcohol myths.

Myth: If I only drink on my days off, I am not an alcoholic. Nope. People can binge one day a week and still be an alcoholic. A standard “dose” of alcohol is 12 ounces of 5% beer, 5 ounces of standard wine or 1.5 ounces of liquor. But what if someone drinks 8% beer, 12 ounces? Well, that’s 1.6 standard drinks. An 8% 16 ounce beer? That is 1.6 times 1.3, so 2.08 drinks. Perhaps we should have an app that calculates this. And locks the car ignition when we are over the limit.

How much alcohol means that we are an alcoholic? The guidelines right now in the US say 7 drinks per week maximum for women, 14 for men, no more than one in 24 hours for women, no more than 2 in 24 hours for men and no saving it up for the weekend. Here: https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/health-professionals-communities/core-resource-on-alcohol/basics-defining-how-much-alcohol-too-much#pub-toc3. However, alcohol is bad for the liver, bad for the heart, bad for the brain, and increases cancer risk. There is not a “safe” amount.

What is binging or heavy drinking? For women—4 or more drinks on any day or 8 or more per week, For men—5 or more drinks on any day or 15 or more per week. The rate at which people drink is also part of this.

MYTH: If I don’t throw up, I’m not an alcoholic. Now that’s an interesting one. When we drink, alcohol is absorbed into the blood and goes through the liver. The liver has enzymes which break alcohol down into aldehyde. Aldehyde is a carcinogen, causes cancer. Aldehyde is broken down by other enzymes into acetate and then to carbon dioxide and water. Some people break down the aldehyde quickly, fast metabolizers. They can drink a lot and not throw up because they break the aldehyde down fast. However, the process inflames and kills liver cells. If they keep drinking, the liver slowly dies, and this is cirrhosis. Eventually they will not be able to break down alcohol fast because the liver makes the enzymes. Then they will start throwing up.

Other people make enzymes that are slower or make less, and they get sick and have alcohol poisoning more quickly. The fast metabolizers are at higher risk for cirrhosis and the slow ones for liver cancer, but they can get either.

MYTH: “My blood pressure is fine.” I spoke to a person who stated that their blood pressure was ok during pregnancy so they did not have high blood pressure. The chart shows very high blood pressure for the last three years and I didn’t look back further. I ask, “Did you stop drinking alcohol while pregnant?” “Of course.” When NOT pregnant, this person admits to 4-5 drinks a day. Also, the history in the chart states that they had blood pressure complications in pregnancy. I did not have time to go through the chart and look at that, but this person is in denial. I think of denial as the addiction taking over and the addiction lies. It lies to me but it also lies to the person. They want to believe what they say. They want everyone else to believe what they say even if it is patently a lie and ridiculous. A woman who says a friend gave her something, she didn’t know what it was, for a headache. “How did you take it?” I asked, looking at the urine dip results. “I snorted it.” “So what things do you snort for a headache?” She was positive for cocaine and pleading ignorance was ludicrous. Another person has a positive urine drug screen for multiple things. “Can I try again?” Pause. “Sure.” I say. The first one is a false sample and I am very curious to see what the real sample will have. It has nothing. He is then surprised that I won’t fill his prescription and offer inpatient drug rehabilitation. Come now, sir, you got a urine sample from a dealer when you sold the medicine I gave you for something else. Your dealer must have been annoyed or gave you the wrong sample. When someone is really out of control, they do not have convincing lies and the only person they can convince is themselves. It is interesting to watch someone be all outraged that I do not buy the story, accusing me of discrimination or hating them or hating their race or whatever. They attempt to accuse and distract. It is harder for families because they desperately want to believe their loved one, even when the evidence shouts the opposite.

What does blood pressure have to do with alcohol? Alcohol drives blood pressure up and pulse, especially when it is wearing off. Severe alcohol withdrawal is delerium tremens and people can have such high blood pressure that they have a stroke or a heart attack or encephalopathy — a poisoned brain. They can hallucinate or have seizures and it is very dangerous. “Very dangerous” means they could die or have permanent disability. Tobacco, cocaine, methamphetamines, all raise blood pressure. The number one cause of death in the United States is the heart, but it’s not just from hypertension and weight and cholesterol and inactivity. Addictive drugs have a huge contribution.

There is nothing cheap about the cost of addiction in our country.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: cheap.

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When I get older

Is it ok for me to be a bit lazy?
A bit unkempt?
Not care about dandelions?
Weigh more?
Want to lie around after lunch?
Maybe there is something I should be doing

Maybe there isn’t something I should be doing
Maybe I should be gazing at the navel of the universe
Maybe I should be gazing at the navel of the Beloved
Maybe I should not be doing all the time
Maybe I should wait
Maybe I should watch
Maybe I should appreciate
Being here

_________________________

I am posting this without a photograph.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: curtain.

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Pathos

Beloved, what is my path?

I remember. You are gone and dead
I lie on my side, close my eyes
I feel your body behind mine
your arm tucked under me
your breath on my hair
your body warmth against me
your arm lying across my side
thighs and knees relaxed against mine
you are not gone and dead
as long as I can remember

Beloved, what is my path?

I remember. A path alone
so that I can see
so that I can hear
so that I can feel
so that I can write
Beloved, you set the path before me
a brief elaboration of a tube
Beloved, sometimes I want
Beloved, sometimes I say why
Beloved, sometimes I forget

And then I remember

_______________________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: March.

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Purity’s post

The root word for Katherine is pure, so Purity will write today’s post. Purity read about illeism in this BBC article: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20230411-illeism-the-ancient-trick-to-help-you-think-more-wisely. Purity admits that it feels a bit embarrassing to write in the third person here on the blog, very egotistical, but that is not what the article is about. It is about writing that way in one’s journal. Purity has been trying it and it is interesting. It sets events at a distance and quiets and muffles the emotions related to events. How very curious.

Purity does not plan to keep writing this way on the blog nor does she plan to start speaking with a royal we. However, the United States appears to be in a state of chaotic stupidity and it is affecting everyone. Not just in the United States, but the rest of the world as well. Purity thinks of the United States as a teenage country, struggling with hormones, while the old countries stand back, watch and sigh. “At some point he will mature,” they say to each other. “Or destroy himself.” And yes, a male teenage country, stupid and boastful with testosterone. Purity thinks it will take the United States another 200 years to live down President #47 and his minions, if we survive.

At any rate, Purity hopes that the prompt of illeism might be more light hearted and be a new word to some people and tickle their fancies. Apparently our fancies mostly lie in our cats. Cats certainly seem to be experts in illeism. May you each feel as wonderful today as a cat when they own the world.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: illiesm.

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New scar and whale songs

My receptionist of 6 years at Quimper Family Medicine, Pat McKinney, died on February 6th. The photograph is from October, when I was in Port Townsend again for two weeks. She and I went for a walk. Well, I was walking and she was in a wheelchair. She was in hospice for over a year.

We had fun working together. Pat played music at her desk because the patient rooms were not quite sound proof enough. One day she was playing whale songs. I hear her on the phone with a patient. “The noise? Those are whale songs.” Pause. “Oh, Dr. Ottaway insists on whale songs.” I started laughing, because she was the one that picked them. So much for MY reputation.

When the covid vaccine came out, I got mine as a first responder. A few days later we had a lull between patients. I was standing in the hall near Pat’s desk. I said, “I don’t know why people are fussing about the vaccine, it seems fine to me,” and I gave a big twitch. Pat started laughing. I could set her off all day by twitching at her.

Patricia McKinney, 2/17/1943 – 2/5/2025.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt scars.

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A weight loss drug complication

People are ordering versions related to semaglutide (ozempic) and dulaglutide (trulicity) from compounding pharmacies for various reasons. Their insurance may not cover the prescription or they may actually not qualify by their weight and complications. Here are the guidelines from the American Gastroenterological Association: https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2023/1000/practice-guidelines-medications-weight-loss.html. Those criteria: a body mass index (BMI) greater than 30 kg per m2 or BMI of 27 kg per m2 or greater with associated complications (e.g., hypertension, diabetes mellitus, and hyperlipidemia).

I have already had requests in clinic for a prescription sent to compounding pharmacy. I am refusing to send prescriptions out of state or to compounding pharmacies, because of the FDA warning. Here: https://www.fda.gov/drugs/postmarket-drug-safety-information-patients-and-providers/fdas-concerns-unapproved-glp-1-drugs-used-weight-loss. There are a bunch of issues: some compounding pharmacies are not using the FDA approved medicines, they are using something similar, but not the same. Also, the medicine does not come in the pen that injects a controlled amount. People have to draw the drug up and inject it. Some have injected ten times the amount that they should and have been hospitalized. It’s also worrisome that the compounding pharmacies, unlike state-licensed pharmacies, do not have to report complications.

A recent patient has deteriorating kidney function, with his creatinine jumping from 1.10 to 1.58. Creatinine is produced as a waste product by our cells and the kidneys need to clear it. His 1.10 was normal but the 1.58 is high, indicating the his kidneys aren’t clearing well, and that was only a six month interval. He is taking compounded semaglutide and compounded testosterone, with some online approval. That is, he did not get a prescription from our clinic. He started the semaglutide five months ago. The testosterone has been for years. “Stop the semaglutide and we will recheck your kidney function in a month.” His creatinine drops back to 1.10. Acute renal failure is listed as an uncommon side effect of the FDA approved semaglutide, but we don’t know if that is what he’s getting. I tell him the good news about his kidney function and say, “I think you should stay off the compounded drug.” I have not seen the same thing with the FDA approved semaglutide.

It’s complicated, isn’t it? We picked up the problem because he is on other medications and I do yearly labs on people who are on prescription medicines, to check whether their kidney or liver function is deteriorating. Almost all drugs, prescription or over the counter or supplements, are metabolized by either the liver or the kidneys. I only know of two that are not absorbed and not metabolized.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: pristine. I would like a pristine pill free body for as long as possible. Ok, I took one tylenol last week and I’d be dead three times over it wasn’t for penicillin.

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Why mean?

Why do people do that smiling mean thing? Where they are teasing too close to the bone, meanly, with a smile. If you object, then you are labeled as someone who can’t take a joke or who has no sense of humor. How do people handle them? I put them on avoid and do not want to be around them. But really, what motivates them? Power? Humiliate others to feel better about themselves? What a very sad and pathetic way to go through one’s life.

This is related to me thinking about what people think about. I think about what motivates people a lot and why they do what they do. This, apparently, is NOT what most people think about. My curiosity about people dates back to being a very small child and being passed from household to household because my mother had tuberculosis. I decided that adults did not understand children and that they loved me but didn’t understand that babies should be kept and loved. My sister was born when I was three and I told people that she was MY baby. I was determined to take care of her. Alcohol continued to make the adults in my household unpredictable and sometimes dangerous, at least emotionally.

My mother could charm a room and all visitors, but sometimes she would talk about them after they left. My family tended to ignore me if I was reading, because I really did not listen if I was deep in a book. Books were an escape and a safe place. People would have to call me three times to get me out of one. But sometimes my brain would click me out and I would listen to the conversation. My mother would talk about people’s motivations and was often quite negative and not nice. Interesting, but not nice.

When I realized that most people don’t think about others’ motivations most of the time, I felt rather freed and enlightened. I promptly ran into not one, but two mean people, at different sites. I do not understand meanness. I worry that it will be in the White House soon, as well. And what, that meanness wants to annex part or all of two other countries? Is this fascist envy? That’s what I think. So there.

The photograph is Sol Duc in 2022.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: mean.

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Today and tomorrow and the day after

Good morning! I hope you are having a happy day today! I am up and having tea and reading and listening to music, waiting for the rest of the household. They may be a while.

I arrived at my son and daughter in law’s on Sunday. The glitch was that my son and I couldn’t find each other in the pick up area and got frustrated. Turns out that I was at National Airport and he was at Dulles, which does make it more of a challenge. I took my bags and hopped the metro out into Maryland, and they picked me up at the station. Whew.

We are talking, eating, wrapping things and climbing. We went to their climbing gym yesterday and I did a respectable job on some 5.6 and 5.7 climbs. Today my arms want to fall off. Last year my climbing style was panicked sloth. This year I am much better since I have been going to my climbing gym once a week. Arm muscles! How amazing!

We are going to continue wrapping today. My daughter and her boyfriend arrive late tomorrow so we aren’t going to tear paper off stuff until Friday morning. My inner little kid suggests that we unwrap today, wrap it back up, and do it AGAIN on Friday. This waiting frustrates her! Oh, well. No, dear, we aren’t going to do that.

Have a lovely today and tomorrow and day after tomorrow!

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: today!

The photograph is Elwha looking up at the Christmas stick last year. I miss him!