Tag Archives: trust

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Free agent

The Agency contacted me yesterday.

“Yes?” I say.

“Are you free?” Dispatch always sounds so disinterested.

“Yes, I’m free.” I try not to sound annoyed. I am too good at my job. I’ve given up on dating. This frees me up for the Agency.

“Room two.”

Room two has a woman who looks frozen. I introduce myself, a stranger, her previous person left.

“Are you sleeping?”

“No. Well, I fall asleep but then I wake up. Nightmares and my heart beats so fast. Then I can’t go back to sleep.”

“Did something happen?”

Her face tightens all over. She wants to tell me but not let the emotions out. “A scam!” Now the dam is cracking and falling apart. The story comes out bit by bit. “They opened an account in my name! Took out a loan! I am so scared. And ashamed. We could lose the house.” Not many tears. She won’t let them.

“Ok, I think this is a PTSD reaction. The not sleeping is really common. Can you talk to your husband?”

“I’ve snapped at him! We never fight! Forty two years!”

The monsters are visible now. Clinging to her, but some are coming to cling to me. Fear, shame, grief, anxiety, fatigue. They aren’t really that big, because she has been a careful person, a wise person. But this has cracked her open because she never expected it.

“Have you contacted the authorities?” We talk about what she has done, the practical bits. She has already made wise moves. It’s the feelings that are upsetting her.

We pick something for sleep, a low dose, not one of the newer addictive ones. An antidepressant that will hopefully make her sleepy. Close follow up is even more important, to be sure that she is starting to comfort the monsters. Many of the monsters are crying for her. I think they will be ok.

She is more comfortable before she leaves. She brought the feelings out and I was not horrified and I did not shame her. They weren’t so bad after all, when she brought them out in the light of day. It’s when they are fighting to be felt and heard that they feel so dark and dangerous and frightening.

I leave the room. She will be back in a week, sooner if she needs to. One of her monsters smiles at me tremulously as it clings to her. I smile back and nod. I think they will be ok.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: agency.

I write this and then start humming. Yes, this is the right song.


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Keeping watch

“I’ll keep watch for you and then you keep watch for me.”

“Let’s all get cleaned up.”

“What a beautiful day!”

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: trust.

Taken at Fort Worden yesterday, with a Canon Powershot SX40 HS.

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out

For the Daily Prompt: talisman.

What an interesting word. Talisman. What makes me feel safe? Where do I feel most safe, most loved, most joy?

Outdoors. Outside. With the birds, the deer, the trees. I am safest in the forest, away from people.

The latest news regarding Facebook and apps certainly reinforces that. I don’t trust technology, I don’t trust corporations, Big Data puts profit and money first, I do not trust people. Not in groups. Individually in clinic, yes. On Facebook, no.

And I realized the secret reason that I don’t twitter this week: I am a terrible speller. Yes, I am thinking of our twitter in chief and the spelling of counsel.

I would rather be outdoors trading songs with a bird than be indoors with a screen. Our television was turned off four years ago. I check varied news sources for a few minutes in the early morning. And then I turn them off.

Health to you and everyone.

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Playing Poker with Putin

People keep saying, “I don’t TRUST Hilary Clinton.”

And they say, “Her smile is not sincere.”

I am confused and dumbfounded. Uh, I thought that is the POINT of politics. NAME A POLITICIAN YOU TRUST.

I DON’T TRUST ANY POLITICIAN.

So here is a game: Playing Poker with Putin.

This requires three people, of any sex.

Player 1 is Hilary Clinton.
Player 2 is Donald Trump.
Player 3 is the moderator who in this case happens to be Mr. Putin.

NOW. The moderator begins to ask questions. Every time the moderator asks Hilary a question, Donald interrupts. Donald, you can be as foul and rude as you want, though you should not swear, because you are on national television. You can talk about “lady parts” and the size of your hands. And all the rest of it.

Putin: go for the jugular on everyone.

Hilary: you have to smile. The entire time. You cannot object to being interrupted, because that is bitchy if you are a girl and manly if you are a man. You cannot show anger. You cannot show any emotion at all except a totally sincere smile no matter what the two men say and no matter how many times you are interrupted.

If the person playing Hilary loses her temper she (or he if a guy is playing the part) loses. Then Donald and Putin have to stage a mock battle throwing pillows at each other and insulting each other’s wives. At the top of their lungs. Be as mean as possible. Then Donald will turn the country into a dictatorship because “I have to be equal to Putin.”

So….my definition of politician is someone who can keep their head no matter how nasty the conversation gets. No matter how many lies are told. No matter how many insults are given. And you do the best you can in office to represent the entire country and for the good of the world.

Play on, Hilary. You win Best Politician Ever in my book.

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Kite

K for the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.

“Let’s go fly a kite, up to the highest height
Let’s go fly a kite and send it soaring.”

Mary Poppins was a movie that scared me as a child and worried me a bit. We didn’t have a television until I was nine, and so movies were a bit overwhelming. Animated movies could be scary but were clearly not real. Oliver Twist was the first movie that I saw with real people and the scene where the villain is shot and his body swings back and forth on a rope gave me nightmares. Way too vivid.

Mary Poppins worried me in a number of scenes. I knew that the fierce women singing about “suffragettes” were important, but I did not know what a suffragette was. I was aware that there was some tension between men and women, but did not know why. I did not ask about it.

I also found the bank scene terrifying. The frightening old men, formally dressed and the very old man in the sterile bank setting, with him nearly slipping and falling on the floor. I did not trust any of them and hoped Micheal would not give them his money. I thought they were ganging up on Micheal. The topic of whether a bank can be trusted is timely over and over again: will our money be safe or are we being lied to and manipulated?

I found the scene up on the rooftops frightening but exhilarating. Here is light and air and birds and flight and a view of the world.

All of this sparked by the word kite….

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Just, Justice, Juxtaposition

J in the Blogging from A to Z.

Just, Justice, Juxtaposition

It is funny

R says that I should not
associate with J
leave the wrong
impression
everyone watches
judges in a small town

I am committed
to J

J wants more
pushes

I can’t tell
if J thinks
I’m joking
or just
is pushing me
past my limits

I don’t know

but it is funny

because J and R
are alike
passionate
idealistic
madmen

ethical
committed

R does money
J does improv

yet alike

and R is the joker
and J is the taskmaster

and everyone
is not
what they seem

and my reputation
is shards
anyhow
in the surf
my X
told all
that I wasn’t
putting out

before
we were X

one
in the surf
was my office manager’s
daughter
and my office manager
asked me
next day
couldn’t
I control
the X

I laughed

someday
I want to bring
J to R
or
R to J
and watch

them
circle
like cats
antipathy
or recognize
the heart
that stands open

which is why
I love them both

previously published on everything2.com

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Trust in the dark

Writing201’s prompt today is trust. This article in the NY Times about how there is no right way to grieve moves me: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/01/10/getting-grief-right/?_r=0

Trust in the dark

Oh Beloved
   Help me to trust in the dark
      Help me to take each step
         Down into grief
            As needed
Oh Beloved
   Help me walk in the caverns of despair
      Each step slow
         As if I walk through molasses
            The air is thickened
               My chest hurts
Oh Beloved
   Help me to trust you
      That just as I descend into grief
         That just as I move through despair
            That the steps will someday lead up again
               That I will rise and spring will come
Oh Beloved
   Help me to thank you
      For tears and joy