A gas

I don’t think the bird is aghast. Me either, walking on the beach. There is so much to see.

What is this cloud bank behind the ship? And the ships are so big close up and so small on the water. Gast and ghast are both words, but don’t mean the opposite of aghast. The opposite is unfrightened, unfazed, relaxed.

The water is never what I would call warm, yet surfers and divers and swimmers are out there, with their extra skins.

There is always something to see.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: aghast.

In Rainshadow Chorale we are learning the Rachmaninoff Vespers, All-Night Vigil. It is gorgeous. This makes me think of angels.

One fell out

This is not as static as it looks in the still photograph. Not at all! This is a happening rock!

There were ten in the bed and the little one said “Roll over! Roll over!”
So they all rolled over and one fell out

There were eight in the bed and the little one said, “Roll over, roll over!”
So they all rolled over and some fell out,

There were three on the rock and the big one said, “Roll over, roll over!”
So they all rolled over and one fell out.

There were two on the rock and the big one said, “The tide is coming in, and we are going to swim.”

These were taken in May of 2023 from Marrowstone Island and the order is reversed. As the tide goes out the island appears and the seals start hopping out to rest, digest and enjoy the sun.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: argument.

Slick

Careful, careful! That seaweed can be slick as snot and hiding a squelching tide pool. Not so deep that you fall in, but you may fall down and ouch! The rocks and barnacles are not soft.

Along North Beach, on the Olympic Peninsula.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: squelch.

Early morning light on the water.

Touch

Think of the things the thumb and fingers have built
Hunt and home and hearth and healing and hearts
The eyes to look, the brain to decide, down the body tilts
This is the stone I choose to pick up, and toss, or collecting starts.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: thumb.

Visit

It is time to visit. It has been long enough and it is time.

He is in a dungeon. I have to go down flight after flight of stairs. It gets colder and damper and there is mold growing on the walls and puddles. Light comes with me.

I can hear him one flight above finding him. He’s having a tantrum and hitting something.

I find the door in the dungeon. It is thick and moldy damp wood with bars in the window and a huge lock. It is also open. My friend is screaming at the ceiling and hitting the ceiling and walls with a yard long heavy pipe. It clangs and I feel a tremor when he hits metal. There is no window, we are too far underground.

I lean on the doorway. “If you go deeper in to the earth, it will be warm and dry.”

He turns with the pipe held like a bat. He is huge and muscular and dressed in rags and very threatening. The room is mostly dark. He sheds a faint light. He glares at me and then lowers the pipe. He shrinks to his child self, like me. About age three.

“You are awfully cute at three.” I say.

He drops the pipe and lets me come hug him. The cell smells truly awful. There is a drain in the floor that appears to be working, sort of. There is a visible liquid level below the drain.

He is still while I hug him and then relaxes. “Ok,” he says. Silence for a minute. “I didn’t really think you’d come back.”

“Friends forever, right? That’s what you said.”

“Yeah, but,” he hesitates. “You were mad.”

My turn to shrug. “Yes. I got over it.”

“Took you long enough.”

My eyebrows go up. “You could have made the first move.” Now he shrugs.

“How about a picnic?” I say. “This is icky. Let’s get out of here.”

He looks at the ceiling. The stone is scratched and chipped. “Yeah. No progress here. Might as well.”

We leave the cell and go up. “Damn stairs.” I say.

“Your lungs are good.” he says.

“Most people’s lungs are pretty good at three.” I say.

“You are pretty cute at three too.”

“Thanks.” I get tired of the stairs and transport us to a meadow in my garden. It is summer and full of wildflowers. It is on a sloped hill with an enormous willow tree. “This is from when I was 7, really.” I say.

“Nice.” he says.

I have a picnic basket and get food out. We don’t really need to eat but it’s fun anyhow. We can taste food, a bit. His keeps turning black on his plate.

“Cut that out.”

A shrug again. “I like bugs now.”

“Did you at three?”

“Naw, but I ate them if I was hungry. Ants are not good. Grasshoppers are better.”

“Are you making any progress at all?”

He leans back on the hill, about as relaxed as he gets. Still hyper alert to everything around us. “No, and I don’t think I will. He’s 69 now. Getting older.”

“Well, he’s expecting to die of a stroke at 80.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty much too late. There is too much to process. And wine and pot do not help.”

“Using more?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s talk about something more fun. Politics or taxes or something.”

He laughs.

We talk about cabbages and kings. Why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings. The sun moves like the real sun.

He is starting to fidget.

“Time?” I say.

“Yeah. You know, it’s not fair that they need us even if they won’t listen.”

“Seems like it.”

He glances at me and away. “Yours listens.”

“You’ve seen the results of that.”

He looks down. “Is she happy?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes sad, sometimes lonely, sometimes impatient. You know, all of it.”

He nods. We start packing up and we trek back to the dungeon and the endless stairs. We have gone down two flights when the landscape shifts. A forest, dark and huge trees and overcast. Damp and cool. He is morphing. “Oh!” he says, “Asleep again! And it’s 4 pm. Must be tv. And wine.” There is a small clearing in sight with a shack. It looks run down, no vehicles. My friend has morphed and split. He is a huge bear with red eyes. And an older man who smells of alcohol and reaches into his shirt for a handgun.

“Really?” I say to the man with the gun.

“They are his memories,” growls the bear. “I have to go.”

“Well, the bear isn’t. Goodbye and good luck.” I say, patting a furry leg. “I will come back.” But he is not paying attention any more, he is focused on the shack.

I go home and he goes to try again. Wake up, my friend, wake up.

_________________________________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: confusion.

Free agent

The Agency contacted me yesterday.

“Yes?” I say.

“Are you free?” Dispatch always sounds so disinterested.

“Yes, I’m free.” I try not to sound annoyed. I am too good at my job. I’ve given up on dating. This frees me up for the Agency.

“Room two.”

Room two has a woman who looks frozen. I introduce myself, a stranger, her previous person left.

“Are you sleeping?”

“No. Well, I fall asleep but then I wake up. Nightmares and my heart beats so fast. Then I can’t go back to sleep.”

“Did something happen?”

Her face tightens all over. She wants to tell me but not let the emotions out. “A scam!” Now the dam is cracking and falling apart. The story comes out bit by bit. “They opened an account in my name! Took out a loan! I am so scared. And ashamed. We could lose the house.” Not many tears. She won’t let them.

“Ok, I think this is a PTSD reaction. The not sleeping is really common. Can you talk to your husband?”

“I’ve snapped at him! We never fight! Forty two years!”

The monsters are visible now. Clinging to her, but some are coming to cling to me. Fear, shame, grief, anxiety, fatigue. They aren’t really that big, because she has been a careful person, a wise person. But this has cracked her open because she never expected it.

“Have you contacted the authorities?” We talk about what she has done, the practical bits. She has already made wise moves. It’s the feelings that are upsetting her.

We pick something for sleep, a low dose, not one of the newer addictive ones. An antidepressant that will hopefully make her sleepy. Close follow up is even more important, to be sure that she is starting to comfort the monsters. Many of the monsters are crying for her. I think they will be ok.

She is more comfortable before she leaves. She brought the feelings out and I was not horrified and I did not shame her. They weren’t so bad after all, when she brought them out in the light of day. It’s when they are fighting to be felt and heard that they feel so dark and dangerous and frightening.

I leave the room. She will be back in a week, sooner if she needs to. One of her monsters smiles at me tremulously as it clings to her. I smile back and nod. I think they will be ok.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: agency.

I write this and then start humming. Yes, this is the right song.