shy

This is for Virtues and views, Blogging from A to Z, the letter S.

There is more than one feeling that the fog could raise: shy, sneaky, subtle, sleepy. Scary if I am in a sailboat and the fog slides off Marrowstone Island and reaches fingers towards my boat. If I am smart, I am prepared with charts and radio and GPS and radar and I know that the ferry comes through and I will stay out of it’s way.

From dictionary.com: shy.

1. bashful; retiring.

2. easily frightened away; timid.

3.suspicious; distrustful:
I am a bit shy of that sort of person.

4. reluctant; wary.

5. deficient: shy of funds.

6. scant; short of a full amount or number:
still a few dollars shy of our goal; an inch shy of being six feet.

7.(in poker) indebted to the pot.

Yet these all seem negative. Can’t shy be a positive feeling? From everything2.com and Webster 1913:

The embarrassed look of shy distress
And maidenly shamefacedness.
Wordsworth.

That isn’t what I want either, that women should be shy and retiring.

No, I am thinking of the shy delight and mystery of the fog lying over Marrowstone Island while it’s clear on the water. And wondering shyly if the fog will expand as the tendrils reach down to the water… or will it dissipate slowly to a bright clear sunny day?

My shy and secret delight at the beauty of the world.

 

 

I is for introverted

I is for introverted…. welcome to 7 sins and friends where we are welcoming and admitting all feelings, even those we don’t approve of, as human and as ours.

From dictionary.com
noun
1.a shy person.
2.Psychology. a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings (opposed to extrovert).
3.Zoology. a part that is or can be introverted.

Odd. Introverted sounds much more selfish than I think of it! I think of introverted as people who get energy from being alone and who like to play in their own minds! I tested as more introverted than extroverted on a Myers Briggs test at the start of medical school, in the 1990s. I thought then that I was an introvert. But the test merely expresses people’s preferences, so everyone can act in an introverted or extroverted way, depending on their mood and how they are feeling at that moment. And part of continuing to grow is to learn to use the parts of ourselves that we avoid or that are poorly developed. I tested as an introverted thinker and what did I avoid? Exactly what I am writing about: feelings. I had to do a lot of work over the years to develop that part of me and I avoided it until my mother died. Then I had to do the work and it is well worth doing. Not that anyone is ever done….

adjective
4.Psychology. marked by introversion.

I

verb (used with object)
5.to turn inward:
to introvert one’s anger.
6.Psychology. to direct (the mind, one’s interest, etc.) partly to things within the self.
7.Anatomy, Zoology. to turn (a hollow, cylindrical structure) in on itself; invaginate.

I took the photograph behind a church in town, walking around on Sunday. I had not been behind it and didn’t know that there was a labyrinth. A labyrinth makes me think of introversion, all the turns and walking a path in a small space, focused and yet open to whatever thoughts arrive.

safe enough to have a fence and roses

A friend said that he observed me for a long time before we got to know each other a little.

I asked what he observed. He said, “Thoughtful, deliberate and shy.”

I started laughing and said I am not shy. But….that is not true. I am guarded all the time with people. Even with him, still.

So what am I guarding and what is shy?

I have a little girl self that is very very shy. Hidden for a very long time. Now I have felt safe enough that she can play. I see her as playing in a wild place. Sun and a forest and a stream and a field. Sometimes it rains. She plays alone in the sun with rocks by the stream or runs in the field or climbs the trees.

I think many people have a small child hurt and hidden. I think it’s common. I think sometimes it’s so well hidden they can’t even reach it.

At any rate, my small child can’t be reached by any sort of force or intimidation. She could only be reached by gentleness. Another small child with daisies and even then, trust would take a long time. At first she would run away and hide. And I don’t think it will happen and I have given up, but I can still love her and protect her. And she is happy in her wild place, lonely sometimes, but happy.

Every time I see the pink soft romantic roses in my front yard I laugh, because those roses are for that little girl part, shy and romantic. She feels safe enough to have a fence and roses.

the photo is from my front yard and the rose is Betty Boop