Tag Archives: love

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You can have some of the things some of the time

My father’s name is Malcolm Kenyon Ottaway. He went by Mac. He died in 2013. I miss him and I still follow Mac’s Rule.

Mac’s Rule is simple: You can get one third of the things that you think you can get done in a day.

I played with this on my days off for quite a while. I would write a list of all the things I wanted or needed to get done. Once I write the full list, it looks silly. Soon it is clear that he is correct.

When I am working full time in Family Medicine and have a five year old and a new baby, I think about getting something done on the weekend. Clear my desk, organize photographs, that sort of thing. After a while I realize that the weekend was more like this: Meals. Get kids clean and dressed. Laundry for the next week. Clean the house a bit. Do some fun family things! Read to kids and put them to bed! My list changed and instead of the ambitious “organize photographs”, I would think of something very small. Perhaps take one roll of developed photographs, pick some of the duplicates, send them to the grandparents. That was it for the entire weekend.

If I apply Mac’s Rule to my life and list all the things I want to do, which third will I pick? For years I write lists for a day off and then pick the top third that I want to get done. If something is added to the list, a friend calls to go to coffee, I take something else off. I make sure that the list always has something that I need to do on it (and often don’t want to: start taxes, pay bills, clean a bathroom, whatever). And something fun.

I don’t try to do it all. It’s very satisfying to get that 1/3 done on the list. And I feel like superwoman if I get an extra thing done! I get to choose which third to do and think about it. And the stuff that I don’t want to do slowly gets done over time. It isn’t that awful to do one of those duty jobs, thank you letters, tax information, dental appointment, mammogram, every day and then it gets DONE.

I am working with someone who puts RUSH at the start of every single email subject line. I have to say that it makes me want to dig my feet in and not even read the email. What kind of rash haste are they working under and why would I pay any attention to the RUSH by the ninth email? It is annoying and ludicrous. I move those emails to the next day list and don’t read them on the day of arrival. No pressure, so there.

Blessings on my father, for Mac’s Rule.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: rash.

The photograph had to be taken before May 2000, because my mother died on May 15 and she is on the boat. I don’t know who took it, another group sailing. Both my kids are there, my father with the tiller, and I am tucked behind the friend facing the camera. Why haven’t we pulled the motor up? This is Sun Tui, the boat currently in my driveway on a trailer.

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Spirit take flight

Death from memory loss is a mixed bag for families.

In the past, the average time to death from Alzheimer’s was 8 years. I don’t find a number on the CDC website, CDC Alzheimer’s. I find these statistics:

  • Alzheimer’s disease is one of the top 10 leading causes of death in the United States.2
  • The 6th leading cause of death among US adults.
  • The 5th leading cause of death among adults aged 65 years or older.3

The site also says that the number of people with Alzheimer’s doubles every five years after age 65. Sigh. Those numbers are the same ones that they taught me years ago, in a different format. 6% at age 60, then 2% more every year. By 70, 26%, by 80, 46%, by 90 66%. Like hypertension, if you live long enough, you may well get it. And yet, I have had patients over 100 years old with intact memories.

The death of a family member with memory loss can have complicated grief. On the one hand, loss and grief. On the other, a burden is lifted. If the person is in memory care, the cost may be very heavy. In our town, the memory care facility costs $7000 per month. That is a heavy burden to carry when the person no longer recognizes the family or speaks. The family may feel hugely relieved when their person passes and at the same time, feel guilty. This is someone that they love and loved. And yet, they are relieved by death. I think of it as a patient of mine described it: “The grief group at the hospital said that my husband isn’t gone. I said, yes he is, he just left his body.” It is very very hard for a family to watch their loved one deteriorate, lose skills, become confused and/or frightened and/or paranoid and the process can happen for years. With an average death at 8 years, some people live beyond 8. Maybe 12 years. It is very hard.

Blessings on those who care for the memory loss people and the families who do their best for them. Alzheimer’s is one sort of dementia, but we now have many. Pick’s disease, frontotemporal dementia, Parkinson’s dementia, multi stroke dementia, alcohol induced dementia, illegal drug dementia, primary progressive supranuclear palsy, and others.

The spirit has already taken wing and let the body follow.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: wing.

My son took the photograph while he was visiting.

Here is the top ten causes of death in 2022: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db492.pdf.

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Sunrise

I was at an AirBnB for a few days last week. The great blue heron landed in the top of the tree in the next yard before sunrise. Then she stayed there waiting and enjoying the warmth when the sun was up. Eventually an eagle headed for the tree. The heron took off and the eagle landed.

The next two mornings I did not see an eagle or a great blue heron in the tree, perhaps because it was gray and cold and overcast both mornings.

That is why we have such big trees in the Pacific Northwest, so that eagles and great blue herons can build massive nests.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: landing.

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Clementine

If I lose my memory, at least, if it’s Alzheimer’s, it’s like a trip back through time. People seem to lose recent memory and then they are in past memories, which burn out like small fires. Like matches, taking the neuron with it.

I have joked that if I was in memory care, I would be singing. I know 9 verses of Clementine and I would sing and sing and sing, because my earliest happy memories are singing.

I know the silly add on verses.

“Now all ye boy scouts, learn a lesson
from this dreadful tale of mine
Artificial respiration
would have saved my Clementine.”

“How I missed her, how I missed her,
how I missed my Clementine
‘Til I kissed her little sister
And forgot my Clementine.”

“In my dreams she still doth haunt me
dressed in garments soaked in brine
In my life I would have kissed her
Now she’s dead, I draw the line.”

Here is Pete Seeger, banjo and all.

The words change. Second verse for me is “Light she was and like a feather”. His version is “like a fairy”. It’s lovely to see how the versions change over time. I did not learn the churchyard verse, and he does not sing the three verses that I add above.

Meanwhile, Steeleye Span did not do Clementine, at least not on Youtube. But this is my favorite moral song from their albums. Would you run as, well, you’ll have to listen to the ending to hear the three seven year penance punishments.

Anyhow, I learned to sing at the same time that I learned to talk. Singing was the happy and safe part. That is where I will go if my memory fails me.

The photograph is from my father’s 70th birthday, in 2008. He is the one with the guitar. Andy Makie is on harmonica and CF is in the back. I don’t know what song this was, not Clementine. My friend Maline took this photograph. She died in 2023. My father died in 2013 at age 75. He was not confused when he wore his oxygen. Without it, he sounded drunk.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: dementia.

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Winged week

This week has been mercurial. Both my daughter-in-law and I have birthdays. All three of my children were home, my son and daughter-in-law from the east coast and my daughter from Colorado. This feels luxurious after Covid-19. My son and daughter-in-law are making the rounds, spending time with her parents and friends on the Olympic Peninsula, Seattle and Portland, Oregon. It has been delightful and busy too and this is the first week in ages that I’ve missed a day blogging (yesterday) and I think THREE Ragtag Daily Prompts. I have driven round trip to Bremerton twice and once to Kingston over the last three days. My daughter leaves on the Port Townsend ferry later this afternoon. The cats are still wondering WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT? I think that Sol Duc wonders, but Elwha is mostly just in a state of wonderment. He found my son large, fast-moving and quite overwhelming at first, even though Elwha is the biggest cat we’ve ever had.

The photograph is the table all decorated and ready for family guests, on Tuesday. The cats were quite mystified because they got closed out of two bedrooms for the week and then people arrived. Very confusing!

We had a lovely time.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: mercurial.

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Ages

Here is my daughter on the lap of her great grandmother Evelyn Ottaway. I think my daughter was a little over one and my grandmother was 90 or very close. We flew from Colorado and visited friends and family. My grandmother was living with my aunt Pat right then. My daughter was very relieved when we got home, but she let many people that she didn’t know hold her. This was the only time she saw her great grandmother.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: age.

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Air and water

I took a wonderful limnology class at the University of Wisconsin, Madison in college. The study of inland aquatic ecosystems, lakes, reservoirs, ponds, rivers, springs, wetlands and so forth. I loved this course because it is such a generalist course. We talked about the chemistry of water, the physics, the ecology, the geography. The plants and animals, microscopic to bigger than us. And lakes that freeze, the ice floats on top, because it is most dense at 4 degrees C and less so at 0 degrees C. This oxygenates the entire lake as the water turns over until the entire lake is 4 degrees. Tropical lakes do not do this.

The photograph is of the Salish Sea, so not an inland space. The liminal space for me is the surface, the border between water and air. Sometimes swimming, if air and water are both warm, it’s hard to feel the exact liminal space, wet skin in the air and then the water.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: liminal.