Signed, sealed, delivered but not aligned we arrange ourselves with hands like fins we arrange ourselves according to time the island shrinks as the tide rolls in the island hides in the moon pulled sea our fur warmed in the sun’s brief kiss we roll in the waves and dive so deep we roll into the water to play and fish the fish flock to school to avoid our teeth we chase and catch and eat our fill now the island is a shallow rock reef the flash of the fish as they come to grief the tide rolls in, the tide rolls out we climb back on our island as it climbs out
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I walked south on Marrowstone Island two days ago. The tide was starting to come in. The little island is covered when the tide is high and everyone has to go swim. I think they were enjoying the sun as much as I was.
Home meadows are becoming more common, for pollinators. Unmown, with wildflowers. There is a movement for a no mow May, to help pollinators and insects survive. This will help the birds too, because insects are food.
I quit mowing half my lot in 2007, after checking with the neighbors. I had just finished a divorce and I was paying my ex and I did not have time to mow it, nor money, nor inclination. My lot is L shaped. The 1930s garage extends onto the second lot, which is perpendicular to the first lot and goes to the middle of the block. The plumbing goes there too.
The lot is a deer stop. The deer circle a route that is often the same from year to year. This lot is not very visible from the road because a huge rosa rugosa, well over my head, fronts on the street. The deer come in through the driveway. There are high fences around it now, but there are still two other exits. One at the other end, to another driveway, and one past the garage next door. I watch for fawns in the spring, the mothers will leave them there some days.
I have birds and nests and sometimes raccoons and squirrels. I have seen coyotes within a block. This year I have a pair of “swamp robins”, also known as varied thrush, at my bird feeder. That is a first. My present cats are allowed out on leash or in the cat cage, so I have lots more birds all around the house. The birds apparently know that the cats are contained.
The lurker in the cover picture is Sol Duc. The grass is already deep.
My front and back lawn are still lawn, sort of. I have not used any weedkiller ever, and have lived here since 2000. Siberian squill and parsley and daffodils and forget-me-nots are busily invading the lawn. Also oregano and thyme. The deer are unenthused about most of these. They can come through the sometimes mown back of the house, but the front yard is fenced to protect my roses.
The deer do eat the squill. Maybe I could have a lawn of squill, mown by deer.
I like my lawn full of weeds. I am not very interested in grass and I like birds and insects much more. Ok, not cockroaches or fleas. We are not warm enough to have a lot of mosquitoes in my yard.
Maybe the deer like the leaves but not the flowers.
The wild has taken over the center of the block and now is creeping through my back yard and my front yard. And I am rooting for it all the way.
My lungs are much much better than a year ago, shown by no problem at altitude at rest. Of course, I did not exercise heavily above 5000 feet, but walked a lot.
The last three days I have been waking up very very stiff, knees hurting when I walk downstairs, and throat closed again.
I think it’s about work. I am contemplating going back to work. I am getting a clear “not yet” message from my body. I was sick for two years and it’s only been a month that my muscles have been working normally. Same with lungs. So I think the stiffness is the body resisting.
In clinic sometimes I would have people draw two charts. A pie chart of a day. The first chart is how they are spending their days now. The second chart is what they want. In order to do more of what you want, you have to do less of something you are presently doing. What are you going to cut out? Not food or sleep or baths or maintaining the home. How about television?
Anyhow, I added a third chart, to do a few days after the first two. Draw a pie chart of what your body wants. I had one person say, “But my body just wants to sit and do nothing!” I said, “So when are you going to do that?” At first she said, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. After a while she said maybe. Then she rearranged work and took a two week vacation. She said, “After a week, one day I had a book, a cup of tea, the cat on my lap, the dog on my feet, and suddenly my body just entirely relaxed. And then it stayed relaxed.”
She went back to work. “Are you still relaxed?” I asked. “Not all the time, but when I start tightening up, it’s often because I am taking on someone else’s problem. I am learning to let it be their problem, not mine.”
I am listening to my body too. What does it want? Not yet, for work. I have some work at home, or some jobs to do there first.
A relatively young man comes to see me.
Problems, a bit intricate, I type a thorough
history as we talk. I make suggestions
and he is to return in a few weeks.
He receives a copy of the note and plan
spit out by the printer.
He returns. There is a pain component.
He does not bring the journal I suggested.
He seems no better. I add a little to the plan
and suggest that he return again.
And again and again. Fourth visit. No journal.
“What have you tried that I have suggested?”
He replies, “I haven’t read your notes yet.”
“You haven’t read my notes yet? In three months?
I’ll tell you what: how about you return after
you read my notes and try some
of my suggestions. Why come in if you aren’t interested
in trying anything?” I do not go to rage.
It is not my problem. It is his problem.
If he doesn’t like the plan or doesn’t want to read
(yes he can read) or doesn’t want change,
that is his choice. Don’t waste my time.
He does not return.
It is a mystery. What did he want?
Why didn’t he tell me if he wanted something else?
If it was opiates perhaps he asked around
and decided I am the wrong “provider”
since I am very careful about those provisions.
A mystery. I wonder if it could have played out differently. Then I let it go and move on.
I was up above 5000 feet last week and did not need oxygen.
This is wonderful! I was on oxygen continuously from March of 2021 for a year and a half. I was really getting better and then had my Covid booster in early October. I crashed again. Do I regret the shot? No, because the crash is because antibodies went back up. Only some of them, though. My muscles and lungs were not working well again, but brain was fine (ok, some people do not like my brain, but they are idiots) and aside from having to avoid gluten, no digestive stuff.
About a month ago I really started feeling my fast twitch muscles work again. It was two years in March since this fourth pneumonia and I’ve had something Long Covid like after each one. Recovery took 2 months in 2003, 2 months in 2012 and 6 months off in 2014 and then an ongoing mild chronic fatigue, so I worked about half of a regular family medicine schedule. I saw 7-10 people per day instead of 16-22. I was also a single parent running a business with two children, so that has a lot of energy draw as well.
On the second morning there, my pulse was 61 and oxygen level 98% on room air. HOORAY! I am back to baseline from 2014. Since it took 2 years to recover, I really do not want to do this again. No more pneumonia. I have had two more rounds of Covid, but apparently the super high antibody level made it really really mild. An immunologist tested the antibodies since I keep getting pneumonia. He said I have the highest Covid antibody level he’s ever seen. Protective was over 50 and mine was 25,000. I seem to be darn good at making antibodies.
Now what? I have felt better for the last month. I still get tired and have about a half day of the energy level from my 20s or 30s, which was high. I am hiking, up to 6 miles in a day twice two weeks ago. Now to start biking and maybe running. I don’t like to run but it’s good training. I want to ski next winter at least one day. Maybe I will swim too. I used to swim a mile twice a week, but it’s been a long time. Also my swim team daughter expressed scorn for my freestyle stroke. Sigh, children are born to humble us, which sucks.
I am still trying to see if I can work with Long Covid patients. I have rather too much experience with something very like it. But I think I would like to enjoy feeling well for a month or two, first!
Hooray! I hope other Long Covid folks are working their way out of the woods too.
Sometimes water looks light and flighty in photographs, but here is Crocker Lake, with the water looking thick and deep. A mirror, inviolate. A surface that we can almost believe we can step on. Water IS heavy.
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The weight of water
You don’t realize the weight of water
I say I am a sea, deep, the emotions on the surface only you dismiss me, female, lesser, emotional, unimportant except for your uses. I should be receptive, listen, not speak. You have no interest in my life, except when you want my services.
You don’t believe me until the day you look down and fall. The waters close over your head. The weights you’ve tied around your ankles carry you down down. Welcome to the depths.
I did manage to cross the finish line for the Blogging from A to Z.
It was a bit tricky because I had a last minute trip. I got the tickets last Sunday and flew on Tuesday. I flew back on Friday and got home on Saturday. I traveled super light: no laptop, no big camera, only phone and a small day pack and one change of clothes, so I washed some by hand daily. I am proud that I still got the A to Z done!
I feel more like a finisher than a winner. It does feel good to share so much of my mother’s artwork. Helen Burling Ottaway died at age 61 in 2000, so her artwork did not have much of an internet presence. She is present in the Lake Matinenda Cottage Owners Association here. She and my uncle and other family and friends worked on a Matinenda flora of the wildflowers and plants. There have been two more since.
Hooray for everyone who contributed to or supported or read the Blogging from A to Z this month and hmmm, what should I do next year?
Discover and re-discover Mexicoβs cuisine, culture and history through the recipes, backyard stories and other interesting findings of an expatriate in Canada
Engaging in some lyrical athletics whilst painting pictures with words and pounding the pavement. I run; blog; write poetry; chase after my kids & drink coffee.
Refugees welcome - FlΓΌchtlinge willkommen I am teaching German to refugees. Ich unterrichte geflΓΌchtete Menschen in der deutschen Sprache. I am writing this blog in English and German because my friends speak English and German. Ich schreibe auf Deutsch und Englisch, weil meine Freunde Deutsch und Englisch sprechen.
KO Rural Mad As Hell Blog 
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