Yesterday on our early morning walk, Sol Duc rushed up a driveway, all fierce hunter, and attacked the pile beside a garage. Not our garage. I wondered if it was a mouse? Nope. She lost interest once she’d flushed the prey. The tailless prey was quite relieved.
I miss my Salish Sea. At home I can’t see it from my house, but stand in the middle of my street and there it is.
All that water. There are mountains here and trees, but they are very different. Here it is high desert, 4600 feet and up. The Grand Valley is at 4600 feet and the mesas rise from here. I miss Port Townsend Bay, and the big trees.
Gold sky and blue water. Look! A grebe! Catching breakfast!
Rumi writes about the wound being where the light gets in. Leonard Cohen says the cracks are where the light gets in. My poems about being reborn or changed seem to involve either burning or the sea. I wrote this in 2009.
Forgiveness
I want to forgive something Someone In fact a group Something that hurt a lot I’ve tried logic I tell myself “It was an expression of concern”
My heart doesn’t agree It is sullen Immobile and grumpy It whispers “They have not apologized” It whispers “When people say you’re crazy It could be a joke An expression of concern It wasn’t It was a palm held out At arm’s length To distance me.”
My head argues “That’s what it felt like to you. You don’t know their intentions.”
I want to write A poem of forgiveness Hoping my heart will follow
My conscious doesn’t write my poems My conscious wrestles with an idea The poem comes out of this struggle I look at the poem I’ve written I think, “That is what I would like my conscious heart to feel.” My poem is often more generous than my conscious feels
My poems are not mine They are a gift From the unconscious It is much larger Than the small conscious me I dream of feeling envy I climb into a bathtub And transform myself To battle a trickster We are transported To the bottom of the ocean
In the ocean The trickster and I are one It is unlimited It is not my unconscious There is no separation It is all unconscious
I did not think A poem would give forgiveness But pain drove me Into the sea I am connected You gave me these pearls Thank you
Facing a wall or lying in bed
breathe slow: four seconds in
one two three four
four seconds out
one two three four
keeping count
or facing a wall sitting
on a zafu, bell rings to start
how can forty minutes be so long?
fall asleep and body weaves
waking me up OH don’t hit the wall
adrenaline then slithering down
towards sleep again
zen mind, blank mind?
my mind wanders off again and again
what is for dinner? grocery list?
that annoying thing or person
at school or work
the mind busy as a squirrel
burying nuts and digging them back up
bring the mind back again
again again again
to the breath the wall letting go
of this well trodden mind trail
only to have the mind wander off
down another: this with briars
and falling into a pond
that has ice and cold
back shake like a dog
shake it off
focus on the breath the wall again
vivid multicolor cats
with paisley and stripes and spots
there is the BELL
forty minutes
Bow to the wall
and stretch
get up
ready zafu for the next time
meditation
mind
I keep wondering at the stubborn part of me that will not let go. That wants to reconcile with all, no matter what they’ve done. I go inside, deep and deeper, in the depths all is slow. That part is the holy part that longs for the One. I have been told to let go of things, forget, no more longing. But the longing is a sacred place, a longing for the Beloved. I think that excising it would be a horrid evil wronging. Handle gently, with care, with love, and gently gloved. I meet someone who says, “You are very in touch with your inner child.” I know it’s not a compliment, I smile and pay little mind. My Child is my connection to the Beloved, fierce and mild. Jealous judging rolls right off, people can be unkind. I won’t excise the holy core, the Beloved inner child. I feel the Beloved’s laughing play and joy, heart running wild.
There must be a bell here somewhere. I am sure of it! This is Cinque Terre, taken when my daughter and I were hiking last September. It was a beautiful and fabulous day! We hiked the trail for three towns and that was enough. I thought my legs might fall off.
My mother taught us the tongue twisters that she learned growing up. My favorite is “the mistle thrush whistles in the thistle bush”. There are mistle thrushes in Europe but not in the United States. It is also found in temperate Asia and North Africa, here.
A counting rhyme that we learned is this: “Intry mintry cutetry corn Apple seed and apple thorn Wire briar limber lock Three geese in a flock One flew east, one flew west one flew over the cuckoo’s nest Sit and sing, by the spring One, two, three Out goes he.”
Discover and re-discover Mexicoβs cuisine, culture and history through the recipes, backyard stories and other interesting findings of an expatriate in Canada
Engaging in some lyrical athletics whilst painting pictures with words and pounding the pavement. I run; blog; write poetry; chase after my kids & drink coffee.
Refugees welcome - FlΓΌchtlinge willkommen I am teaching German to refugees. Ich unterrichte geflΓΌchtete Menschen in der deutschen Sprache. I am writing this blog in English and German because my friends speak English and German. Ich schreibe auf Deutsch und Englisch, weil meine Freunde Deutsch und Englisch sprechen.
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