Good girl

Qia works hard. She enjoys most of her work and she enjoys time off too. She enjoys many activities.

She wakes one day and she is in a space. It is not inside: no ceiling. It is not outside: no clouds or sky or sun or moon.

She is standing in a box. There are more boxes for as far as she can see. They are made of wood. Some are plain and some are ornate. Some are inlaid or carved. Some have rare wood.

She steps from box to box. They are up to her thighs. She is careful. Some are beautiful.

A male voice says “You need to pick a box.”

Some are square, a triangle, octagonal. All shapes.

“You need to pick a box.”

“I am looking.” says Qia. She doesn’t want to pick one. She wants to look at them and examine them. She could spend years looking.

“You need to pick one and stay.” Says the voice. “Sit down.”

Qia starts to sit but feels panicky instantly. “It’s too small.” she says.

“If you sit down and put your head to the side, you will fit.” says the male voice.

Qia has a vision of someone nailing a lid on the box. She is not going to obey. Who is this male voice telling her what to do?

Qia wakes laughing at the dream. But she thinks about it.

Qia tells a few people about her dream.

Her massage person says, “Maybe you need to kick a box.” Her kicking muscles are very very tight this week.

She laughs, but she does go home and kick a box. It helps some, but the male in the dream is a part of herself.

One woman says,”That dream would mean that I needed to pick a box.”

Qia doesn’t like that idea. But she considers it as she continues working. The boxes are too small and claustrophobic and yet, the male voice is part of her. How can she satisfy everyone including herself?

Qia thinks carefully.

Qia is happy. A solution appears, when a third person comments.

Qia is at work. The woods are there. Deer, grass, birds. Roses are there. The ocean is there too and the Beloved, in the shape of a dolphin or a horse or a deer or an orca. She works, happy.

Men come. If she doesn’t see them first, they might see a bird or deer or the ocean. As soon as she sees the man, she calls the box. As she sits, it is there.

“What are you doing?” says the man, if he sees her first and sees the woods or the orca.

Qia looks up at the man from her seat in the box. If the man likes women to smile, she smiles. Some men like her to look frightened; she can do that too. Some men want dull or mean or subservient.

When she sees the men first, they see a good girl, sitting in a box.

When the men see her first, they are upset for a moment. They saw a bird, an orca, the ocean. But then they see a good girl, in a box. Some shake their heads and think that they had too much to drink or smoked too much the night before. But Qia is a good girl.

A few, a very few men, don’t trigger a box. She sees them. They see her. They see the deer or the orca. They have animals and forests or mountains or stars with them. They don’t say much.

Qia thought at first that she would have to change for each man. Change into energy, into a star, to fly as fast as light, to the box appropriate to that man. But then she thought, no, she could just move the boxes. And the men have stopped hammering lids down, mostly. When they used to seal women in, the women were not available for cooking or housework or admiring the men or sex. They often died, suffocated or killed themselves. So most boxes have no bottom and have straps for the woman’s shoulders, so that she can do the housework while she wears the box. The consequence, of course, is that many women escape, running like rabbits into the woods. Or they switch from box to box, almost like Qia. But many women do not feel safe unless they are wearing one of the wooden boxes.

Qia is happy. She wears wooden boxes for the men when she has to. She is a good girl. But the box she has chosen is the universe.

Parking

I park on the hill

I walk to the coffee shop by the water
because I dream of earthquakes

The car is up the hill

I say to the earth
Wait
Please wait until the construction is done
So the old buildings won’t fall down

Today I see
The earthquake has happened

You died

Death heals any split left within us

I know you are healed

You are with our mother
Our grandparents
Our ancestors
And know you are loved

I know I am not really separated from you

I know that I will see you again

And yet each minute lasts 1000 years
Until I see you again

The earthquake has happened

I still ask the earth to wait

I still park on the hill.

5/10/12

Magical childhood

Let’s keep the children
safe and warm
cuddled close
and free from harm

No, but what monster
hides underneath the bed
let’s find and name
the monsters all instead

we are wired not for safety
but for truth
don’t hide grief and fear
from the youth

a child survives by attunement to
your heart
they listen deeply from
their start

long before they understand
your words
they sense the world’s
monsters as a herd

a disney childhood is
a lie
the heartfelt child
wonders why

name your sorrows and
your pain
then your child will know
they have a name

no monsters hide beneath
my childrens’ bed
they know I hold them
close and dear instead

also published on everything2.com

ZZZzzzzz

Z for ZZZzzzzz…. shhhh, everyone is asleep after the Blogging from A to Z Challenge and I am tiptoeing my last contribution in during May…..very quietly.

Yesterday morning Boa cat brought a mouse in the house. I heard it squeaking and protesting being played with before being eaten. Then Boa called me insistently, with her mouth full of squeaking mouse. I started down the stairs and she dropped it and it ran into a closet. She lost it.

I tried to find it, gingerly. I had to get the recycling out of that closet anyhow, because Tuesday is recycling day. I picked things up rather carefully. I found the mouse once but it skittered away in the closet again before Boa grabbed it and I was not about to grab it. Sharp teeth.

Last night Boa brought the mouse into my bedroom and tore around, chasing it. I think. I am not entirely sure whether Boa really did bring the mouse in or whether it was a dream. If it was a dream, it was very convincing and had five parts or more. And then I dreamed or heard crunching.

There is a pile of paper knocked over on the stairs. I have not checked my room for mouse feet or a tail. In the night I hoped Boa would keep the mouse on the floor and not bring it up on the bed. She didn’t.

The cat in the picture is not Boa. It’s Princess Mittens. She was about a year old and stood at the open back door growling at the terrible things in the back yard: a doe and two fauns, there to steal the apples. Princess Mittens was hit by a car last summer, at age ten. Boa misses her but would never ever admit it.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And there: I am done with the A to Z Challenge! Sleep well, everyone!

Want some taters

T for taters in the Blogging from A to Z challenge and for Ronovan writes weekly Haiku challenge: this week’s words are want and tatters. I suppose I have cheated by changing the tense. Tatters brought up taters and I am hungry and a bit insomniac. I am back at work, have less time to write, but apparently writing eventually trumps sleep…. want to write, too.

want some taters not
too tattered on a platter
save me gravy do

I made the most delicious potato salad the other day. Potatoes from a local farm: they have a 24 hour walk in buy vegetables, on the honor system. They have the best potatoes ever: Colinwood Farm.

Cut potatoes into 1 cm approximate chunks
Steam the potatoes until just tender
Sprinkle with the vinegar of your choice while hot
and a little hot chili oil.
Wait 10 minutes. (I failed on that.)
Add mayonnaise, not sweet.
A chopped dill pickle.
Salt and pepper.
Whatever else you want, but that is all I added.
Eat while warm…. I couldn’t wait for my daughter to get home….

The photo is from Thanksgiving at my cousins’ in 2013.

Quimper

Q is for Quimper in the Blogging from A to Z Challange.

I live on the Quimper Peninsula in Jefferson County, Washington, USA. The Quimper Peninsula is a small peninsula jutting up from the northeastern corner of the Olympic Peninsula. So, a peninsula attached to a bigger peninsula.

We are surrounded by water. When I first moved here I was confused. I am from the east coast of the US. So, the ocean was to the east. Here on the west coast it is west: except that where I live, the Salish Sea is north and east and south. The Quimper Peninsula runs southwest to northeast and ends at a lighthouse. I can stand on the beach at the lighthouse and look over the Salish Sea and see mountains. It took me a while to get oriented, because I can see the Olympic Mountains looking over the water or the Cascades: Mount Baker, Glacier, Tahoma.

The Quimper Peninsula is named after Manuel Quimper, a Peruvian born Spanish explorer and cartographer. He contributed to the charting of the Strait of Juan de Fuca in the late 1700s. Until I wrote this post, I had not read about him.

Our thin rural phone book for Port Townsend and Port Ludlow lists five Quimper named businesses:

The Quimper Inn, a bed and breakfast. Our town had a boom in the 1860s-1880s and the architecture is still here. There are wonderful old houses and downtown.

Quimper Mercantile, a community started and owned store.

Quimper Sound, a quite fabulous local music store, albums and CDs.

Quimper Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, a church.

And lastly: Quimper Family Medicine, my family practice clinic!

Phoenix Rising

P for Phoenix, for the Blogging from A to Z Challenge. This post is for Amanuensis Sobriquet-Reverie. Her poem today “Burn the witch” brings up present and past difficult memories. Here is the poem I wrote about it in 2003.

Phoenix Rising

Set a torch to me
Why don’t you?

It’s not the tearing sound of fabric
A small rip
And now a tear
That I feel

It’s the torch

I’ve been here before
A job where the idealistic came
As moths to the flame
Self-immolation
Because they had ideals

I watched and burned and rose

It’s the torch
The flames that rise
As the witch is burned
Tilts back her head
In ecstasy and knowledge
Eager to learn what she can
From these burning brands

In the burning we learn
In pain we learn
If we can remain open
Ashes fall to the ground
Buckets of water
Wash any remains to grey mud
Gone, punished
Relief for the frightened
An example has been set

No but what stirs at night
Moon or none
What rises from the mud
The ashes
Takes form
Takes flight
Laughing

Set a torch to me
Why don’t you?
And see what is created

a local bookstore
previously published on everything2.com