Tag Archives: Beloved

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leaves

I am working in Grand Junction, Colorado. There are not as many leaves here as at home, but the leaves are still hiding my cat! I am mad at the leaves and sad. Elwha is still missing and it’s been a week. I have had food and the carrier out for him, put up posters on Facebook, contacted the shelters and vets, and searched and searched.

The carrier failed and the door popped off when I put it down. Elwha ran. Sol Duc was still in it, so I put the door back on as fast as I could! Then I left the carrier and went after Elwha, but could not find him. I kept going out and searching, including at 2 am.

Maybe he will show up at home. It’s only 1215 miles by car.

We had another cat who disappeared and we thought was gone. The hardware store called us a month later and said, “We have your cat.” She was thinner and scared to go outside. Elwha only goes out in carrier or with leash and harness. There are prairie dogs and a canal with low trees and bushes behind the building here. I don’t think he’s there, but I am still putting food out. There is another stray tiger who now comes out to study me from a distance.

Anyhow, I wish the leaves would send him back.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: leaves.

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Long way

I am a long way from my ocean and from home.

I looked for a job close to home and then the temp company mentions a job in another state. “Where?” I said. They told me and I said, “I’m interested!” We started the process. I always forget what the process is like. It is hella annoying. There is miles of paperwork. We had a delay from the state, because I need a license for each state and they weren’t meeting until after the start date and then they said, “We’ll let you know in two days.” and THEN they said, “We’ll let you know in two days to two weeks.” So I had three weeks of being half packed and trying to just flow with it. I finally got word, yes, ready, two weeks ago Monday. By Friday morning the cats and I are in the car and headed out.

Now I have worked for a week here. The US currently has 500 different electronic medical records and I supposedly learned my 8th (or 9th) on Tuesday. About six hours of training on the computer and my brain shut down after four. However, the support on Wednesday was good and I started seeing patients. I was careful to say, “If I look grumpy, it’s at the computer, not you.”

So far mostly good. Except, one cat got out two days after we got to our destination. He is chipped and I am still walking miles and calling. The local lost pet group is trying to help. I miss him quite terribly. The door popped out of the carrier when I put it down. I feel like a cat mom failure, but things happen. Elwha is big and strong and I may yet get him back. Sol Duc was sensible enough not to run, but I had to secure her before going after him.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: flow.

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Tree dreams

Tell me, tall one, what do you dream of in the night? What do you long for in the early rising sun? What messages come to you on the wind, through the rain, through the soil? Your tall branches catching dreams and catching the rays of the sun, some slipping through to me. I send you love and dreams of joy, however that looks to a tree.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: dreamcatcher.

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You can have some of the things some of the time

My father’s name is Malcolm Kenyon Ottaway. He went by Mac. He died in 2013. I miss him and I still follow Mac’s Rule.

Mac’s Rule is simple: You can get one third of the things that you think you can get done in a day.

I played with this on my days off for quite a while. I would write a list of all the things I wanted or needed to get done. Once I write the full list, it looks silly. Soon it is clear that he is correct.

When I am working full time in Family Medicine and have a five year old and a new baby, I think about getting something done on the weekend. Clear my desk, organize photographs, that sort of thing. After a while I realize that the weekend was more like this: Meals. Get kids clean and dressed. Laundry for the next week. Clean the house a bit. Do some fun family things! Read to kids and put them to bed! My list changed and instead of the ambitious “organize photographs”, I would think of something very small. Perhaps take one roll of developed photographs, pick some of the duplicates, send them to the grandparents. That was it for the entire weekend.

If I apply Mac’s Rule to my life and list all the things I want to do, which third will I pick? For years I write lists for a day off and then pick the top third that I want to get done. If something is added to the list, a friend calls to go to coffee, I take something else off. I make sure that the list always has something that I need to do on it (and often don’t want to: start taxes, pay bills, clean a bathroom, whatever). And something fun.

I don’t try to do it all. It’s very satisfying to get that 1/3 done on the list. And I feel like superwoman if I get an extra thing done! I get to choose which third to do and think about it. And the stuff that I don’t want to do slowly gets done over time. It isn’t that awful to do one of those duty jobs, thank you letters, tax information, dental appointment, mammogram, every day and then it gets DONE.

I am working with someone who puts RUSH at the start of every single email subject line. I have to say that it makes me want to dig my feet in and not even read the email. What kind of rash haste are they working under and why would I pay any attention to the RUSH by the ninth email? It is annoying and ludicrous. I move those emails to the next day list and don’t read them on the day of arrival. No pressure, so there.

Blessings on my father, for Mac’s Rule.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: rash.

The photograph had to be taken before May 2000, because my mother died on May 15 and she is on the boat. I don’t know who took it, another group sailing. Both my kids are there, my father with the tiller, and I am tucked behind the friend facing the camera. Why haven’t we pulled the motor up? This is Sun Tui, the boat currently in my driveway on a trailer.

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Spirit take flight

Death from memory loss is a mixed bag for families.

In the past, the average time to death from Alzheimer’s was 8 years. I don’t find a number on the CDC website, CDC Alzheimer’s. I find these statistics:

  • Alzheimer’s disease is one of the top 10 leading causes of death in the United States.2
  • The 6th leading cause of death among US adults.
  • The 5th leading cause of death among adults aged 65 years or older.3

The site also says that the number of people with Alzheimer’s doubles every five years after age 65. Sigh. Those numbers are the same ones that they taught me years ago, in a different format. 6% at age 60, then 2% more every year. By 70, 26%, by 80, 46%, by 90 66%. Like hypertension, if you live long enough, you may well get it. And yet, I have had patients over 100 years old with intact memories.

The death of a family member with memory loss can have complicated grief. On the one hand, loss and grief. On the other, a burden is lifted. If the person is in memory care, the cost may be very heavy. In our town, the memory care facility costs $7000 per month. That is a heavy burden to carry when the person no longer recognizes the family or speaks. The family may feel hugely relieved when their person passes and at the same time, feel guilty. This is someone that they love and loved. And yet, they are relieved by death. I think of it as a patient of mine described it: “The grief group at the hospital said that my husband isn’t gone. I said, yes he is, he just left his body.” It is very very hard for a family to watch their loved one deteriorate, lose skills, become confused and/or frightened and/or paranoid and the process can happen for years. With an average death at 8 years, some people live beyond 8. Maybe 12 years. It is very hard.

Blessings on those who care for the memory loss people and the families who do their best for them. Alzheimer’s is one sort of dementia, but we now have many. Pick’s disease, frontotemporal dementia, Parkinson’s dementia, multi stroke dementia, alcohol induced dementia, illegal drug dementia, primary progressive supranuclear palsy, and others.

The spirit has already taken wing and let the body follow.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: wing.

My son took the photograph while he was visiting.

Here is the top ten causes of death in 2022: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db492.pdf.

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Sunrise

I was at an AirBnB for a few days last week. The great blue heron landed in the top of the tree in the next yard before sunrise. Then she stayed there waiting and enjoying the warmth when the sun was up. Eventually an eagle headed for the tree. The heron took off and the eagle landed.

The next two mornings I did not see an eagle or a great blue heron in the tree, perhaps because it was gray and cold and overcast both mornings.

That is why we have such big trees in the Pacific Northwest, so that eagles and great blue herons can build massive nests.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: landing.