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On the nature of love

love is not one love is longing for one love is two
love is the other longing for the other longing for union longing for one longing for the Beloved seen in the face of the other
do not forget nor lose nor submerse yourself in the other remember there are two not one you are longing to be one that is the longing for the Beloved you must be two and remember both while longing for union while longing to be one
you can love and yet not accept abuse yet not accept ill treatment yet not accept being walked on in the name of love
you can love even one who is behaving badly and treats you ill yet you should not accept ill treatment you are to remember that there are two and you are longing for the Beloved seen in the face of the other longing for union but that does not require that the other long for the Beloved nor see the Beloved in your face
you can love even one who does not want union with you yet they long for union with the Beloved
you can love even one who is behaving badly and treats you ill you should not accept ill treatment and there may be a time when you still love and walk away still loving and longing

for there are two
not one

I took this picture of my sister and our neighbor and friend in the late 1970s, probably playing pong…

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let go

For Ronovan’s weekly haiku challenge, the words are hope and luck.

I saw my doctor yesterday, still on half time and it looks like it will stay that way until January or longer. Slow healing. I am finding it hard though I am healing and often people don’t or aren’t or won’t…..

I let go of hope
for love my luck is to be
alone writing love

the picture is from my garden

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Any day now

any day now

I will be going going to the lake to the rocks to the place I went to when I was five months and in the womb too

any day now

no electricity and the cell phones don’t work we filter the lake water now as the coliform count rises but still the water I taste it and memories rise like fish like turtles like lake trout from the depths my sister wants her ashes there but no worries there are bits of all our skin my uncles ashes were scattered there last time I went I burned a little of my hair my father’s hair my daughter’s hair my son’s hair so that our ashes would be there too

any day now

forwarded email as I’ve left the cousin email in protest of the emails about my father’s will circulating behind my back the propane delivery has closed down and we must go out of Blind River for propane the 100 pound tanks have to be carried upright which makes the rental car more of a challenge we used to get 60 pound tanks but they are harder to replace we are all always getting older

any day now

my cell used to work on one cabin porch when it was overcast but that was tmobile and I have another now so probably it won’t work and we are all still broken in the aftermath of my sister I will look in the cabin and donate all the shoes that none of us will every wear hers her daughter’s her husband’s that cabin is a castle a monument of dreams and I have not been there for three years and I hear the roof is going we don’t have enough money or cooperation I thought the Trust we fail at that by the way was 30 years but it is 40 and we are now half way and I am thinking about how to handle it

any day now

because I love this land this lake and I will not give it up oh Beloved help us heal

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Not yet adequately adored

I am wandering in the forests of emotion I am comfortable now mostly I don’t talk about it much though occasionally I am irritable I am thinking about love I have had my children going commando could also be going postmenopausal because there is no longer bleeding or if there is I would have to get checked for uterine cancer but it is hot and why wear underwear of course apparently things can still get wet which is a bit of a surprise since so many women complain of less libido once the hormones drop I as usual do everything ass backwards and want sex more than ever but not when I am working hard and tired and cursing the new server laptop printer program and the keyboard is spaced differently and more sensitive all this fucking equipment when what we really want is to be loved as we are I have only seriously dated two people in the last seven years and one said that what I want is to be adored he said he couldn’t and I thought why not and Rumi says the depth of the longing is our depth of longing for the Beloved and really it’s not a forest for me it’s the ocean it’s the deepest part of the ocean those rifts and I dive all the way and don’t care if I run out of air Beloved I am not yet adequately adored

I will go for coffee instead.

the photo is from 2006, one swimmer carrying the younger swimmer

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Fourthful of hearts

Ronovan’s weekly haiku challenge words five and thrive bring Walt Kelly’s poem to my mind:

Many Harry Returns

Once you were two,
Dear birthday friend,
In spite of purple weather.
But now you are three
And near the end
As we grewsome together.

How fourthful thou,
Forsooth for you,
For soon you will be more!
But – β€˜fore
One can be three be two,
Before be five, be four!

My version is

Fourthful of hearts

thrive has six letters
five has four and six has three
words alive you see

The moths were in my garden one morning. They ignored my cat and me completely. They were busy. It appears that the moth supply will be replenished.

http://pnwmoths.biol.wwu.edu/browse/family-erebidae/subfamily-arctiinae/

Great Tiger Moth

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Low tide

This is for PhoTrablogger’s Mundane Monday 17, though right now it is Thursday. Work has been terribly busy with new computers, an upgrade from electronic medical record version 6.2 to 8.2 and silly things like the laptop keyboard is different so my typing suffers a bit. I have been falling asleep by 7 every night. Change change change, but the tide still goes in and out.

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Danish pie

I copied recipes from my mother’s cookbook before I went to college. This one had the name Estie on it:Ester White, then Ester White Parr. She was one year older than my maternal grandmother Katherine, and when she was sent on errands as a child, she took my grandmother with her to do the talking as soon as she could talk. They were born in Turkey because my great grandparents helped start Anatolia College in Turkey, leaving when my grandmother was 16 and the Armenians and some Christians were being killed. I don’t know if this is Danish or not.

1/2 Cup flour
3/4 Cup sugar
1 diced raw apple
1/2 Cup chopped pecans
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking powder.

Mix in any order. Beat well. Bake in greased tins at 350 F for 30-35 minutes. Serve with ice cream.

I made this for the first time this morning. I used blueberries instead of apples and walnuts instead of pecans. Delicious anyhow! Enjoy!

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A crazy ideological teenager who still thinks that clear, free, rational thinking can save the world

This is for Ronovan’s weekly haiku prompt. The words today are free and think.

A friend sent me this conversation: http://www.metafilter.com/151267/Wheres-My-Cut-On-Unpaid-Emotional-Labor about this article http://the-toast.net/2015/07/13/emotional-labor/view-all/.

And I am free to think, think of free to be you and me, teens wanting freedom, but then there are responsibilities and jobs and thank you letters and Christmas cards and diapers….

I think that we are not very good at dealing with emotion as a culture and we need to figure it out. We talk about “negative” emotions. Emotions are just emotions. They are like waves on the ocean. I try to let the wave come and let it go.

free to be free, you
stinker blinker free thinker
diaper change stinker

Β I stole the title from everything2.com.

The photo is from 2004. Like father, like daughter.