Monthly Archives: February 2017

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In the warm

In the warm

I am here in the warm.
The thumper.
Sometimes it is fast.

I am in the warm.
The thumper.
The loud swish thing.
I kick it.
Loud place, I kick.
I am running out of room.
I push.

I push.
Thumper wild.
Thumper fast.
I have no room and now it is squeezing!
Stop squeezing! Pushing me! I want room! Room!

Ahhh! Bright!
Noisy! No warm! Cold!
Things touch me! Room! But no warm!

I am warm but not wet.
Bright. Wrapped.
Here is thumper.
I cough. No wet, something else. Air.
I want. Oh, thumper. Oh, mouth on warm, milk.

Here is room.
Thumper and others.
I know others. They are fast.
They are noisy.
That one is the one that held the swish thing. I kick.
Thumper and those are big.
These two are small, I am smaller.
Noisy! I like them.
I am getting used to light and dark.
More room. Milk. Air.

I know names. I have hands like others.
I can chew my hand.
My hands don’t work like theirs.
My noise doesn’t work either.
Not like brothers. Thumper is mom.
Other big is father.
Other bigs come and go.
I want my noise and hands to work!
I keep practicing.

I keep practicing
More!

I took the photograph of my daughter in 1998. This is scanned. I may try with another scanner….

Β 

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Morning at Wooden Boat

The Wooden Boat Festival is in September. This is from September 2016, early morning, before the festival is in full swing. I am thinking of selling my father’s sailboat, sigh. Slip fees are rising and medicine is such a mess right now…. let go.

But the festival is a delight each year. This year it will be September 8-10.

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Sanctuary

I sent Valentine messages and photographs to my young adult children yesterday and their father’s parents, who are in their 90s. I got messages back: a lovely Valentine.

Last Saturday was sunny and I hung a chair in the tree house at the right height to look at the windows. It warms inside in the sun fairly quickly. The tree is just starting to bud. It was cosy and delicious to sit and read and look at roof tops. A sanctuary.

Prayers for everyone who is trying to find safety and sanctuary and peace…..

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Hurricane heart

On Sunday I went to Hurricane Ridge with two friends and skied. It was sunny and gorgeous and the mountains were out. I have never skied up there before. There is a rope tow on the front side and a poma lift on the back. I hadn’t ridden a poma before and it’s been years since I rode a t-bar lift….. used unfamiliar muscles going up the hill as well as down!

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mother, maiden and crone

When Beth is dying in Little Women, she says that it is like the tide going out….. sometimes I miss my sister so much. I am trying to make sense of the third stage, the stage after mother. With my daughter in college, I am living alone for the first time in 28 years. And I don’t have my sister or my mother or my grandmother to accompany me.

I took the title from one of my sister’s essays: An early promotion to crone. Here: http://e2grundoon.blogspot.com/2007/08/early-promotion-to-crone.html

I want to discuss my sister’s essay with her …. I can’t, except in dreams.

mother, maiden and crone

small child in my heart
baby cuddled warm
safe and loved
small girl dancing
sing run shout

woman seen and heard
woman silenced dressed undressed
woman learning searching writing
woman held and loved
woman gravid bearing carrying
woman feeding raising nurturing

crone quiet watching
white haired dismissed old
unseen unknown ignored
laughing playing dancing
crone alone
sing run shout
dancing

music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiP9WH0zN0Y

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Blue and pink too

I went down to the beach last night with my camera, to catch the light from the setting sun on the clouds and walk the beach.

I am realizing that I like my house but I love being outdoors and I love my work and writing and photography and knitting and exercise…. the end result is that organizing the house after 10 years of being a single mom, full time doctor and opening my own clinic, along with my sister’s and father’s deaths…. well, I’d rather be outside than work on the house. If sorting the house takes time, I don’t mind. I want to walk on the beach and see the sunset more than I want to organize….

Come with me…..