Category Archives: geriatric medicine

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Eating sunlight

Beloved
I don’t think I can bear this
It’s a good plan
To work five more years
And retire in better financial shape
House paid off
But it hurts so

My tattered bruised and battered heart
Already patched so many times
And to see so many people each day
Hurting

Why, Beloved?
Why don’t we mature?

Maybe I’ll be a tree again
Living wood
That bends and moves with the wind
That eats the sunlight
Drinks the rain
Endures the snow and drinks it as it melts
Until spring comes
And I stir and start to bud
Deciding when it’s time
To uncurl leaves in warm sun

_______________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt illusion. Or should it be delusion? Or survival? Or beyond that to peace?

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Listen

There is anger and blame and silence.
People talk about each other.
People talk about others.
What is truth? What is rumor?
No one wants to listen.
They want to blame.

I do not see
I do not feel
I do not hear
how to heal this, Beloved
if no one will listen.

Only love.
Anger drains away.
I send love
Into the anger
Into the blame
Into the echoing silence.

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When I get older

Is it ok for me to be a bit lazy?
A bit unkempt?
Not care about dandelions?
Weigh more?
Want to lie around after lunch?
Maybe there is something I should be doing

Maybe there isn’t something I should be doing
Maybe I should be gazing at the navel of the universe
Maybe I should be gazing at the navel of the Beloved
Maybe I should not be doing all the time
Maybe I should wait
Maybe I should watch
Maybe I should appreciate
Being here

_________________________

I am posting this without a photograph.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: curtain.

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What to check before bringing your elder home from the hospital

I get a call from the hospital (this is over a year ago). They say, “Your friend is ready for discharge. What time can you pick her up?”

I reply, “Can she walk?”

“What?”

“She has three steps up into her house. Can she walk, because otherwise I can’t get her into her home.”

“Oh, uh, we will check.”

They call me back. “She can’t walk. She’ll have to stay another day.”

I knew that she couldn’t walk before they called. She could barely walk before the surgery and after anesthesia, surgery and a night in the hospital, her walking was worse. She had been falling 1-5 times at home and the surgeon knew that. He did not take it into account. The staff would have delivered her to my car in a wheelchair and then it would have been my problem.

She was confused by that afternoon, which is not uncommon in older people after anesthesia. She stayed in the hospital for six days and then went to rehab, because she still couldn’t walk safely.

Recently I have a patient, an elder, that I send to the emergency room for possible admission. He is admitted and discharged after two and a half days. Unfortunately he can barely walk and his wife is sick as well. The medicare rules say that he needs 72 hours in the hospital before he qualifies for rehab. We scramble in clinic to get them Home Health services, with a nurse check and physical therapy and occupational therapy, and I ask for Meals on Wheels. It turns out that Meals on Wheels will be able to deliver in two months.

The wife refuses to go to the emergency room. I tell her that if she does get sicker, that they both need to check in. The husband can barely walk and is not safe home alone. If one gets hospitalized, they both need it.

If you have a frail elder, be careful when you are called about discharge. Go look at them yourself, make sure that you see that they can get out of bed, get to the bathroom, walk up and down the hall. Can they eat? Do you have steps into your house or theirs and can they go up the steps? I got away with saying please check that my friend could walk because I am a physician, because I knew she couldn’t and because there was no one else to pick her up. Do NOT ask your elder. They may want nothing more than to go home and they may well exaggerate what they can do or be firmly in denial. You want them to be safe at home, to not fall, to not break a hip and to not be bedridden.

For an already frail elder, even two and a half days in bed contributes to weakness. And being sick makes them weaker. If they are barely walking when they are admitted, it may be worse even after just 2-3 days. I used to write for physical therapy evaluation and exercise when elder patients were admitted, to help them for discharge. Once I got a polite query from physical therapy saying, “This patient is on a ventilator. Do you still want a consult?” I reply, “Yes, please do passive range of motion, thank you!”

Your elder does not have to be doing rumbustious dancing before they go home, but they need to be able to manage stairs, manage the bathroom, manage walking so that they can get stronger. Otherwise a stay in a nursing home or rehabilitation facility may be much safer for everyone.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: rumbustious.


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Busy clinic

Clinic has been hopping. I have been at the present site now for six weeks, so I am starting to know a few of the patients. That is, the ones that are sick and I am worrying about. It is best if your doctor’s pupils don’t dilate when they hear your name.

I have been getting helpful calls back from specialists. I have a person who has high liver tests where hepatitis and overweight and alcohol don’t seem to be the cause, so I needed an updated list of what labs to send for some of the less common liver problems. Thyroid disease, hemochromatosis, alpha one antitrypsin deficiency, smooth muscle antibodies, various other antibody disorders. The list is quite a bit longer than in the past. I warn my patient that some will come back right away and some may take a week or two. The patient is anxious and wanted to go right to the emergency room, but I ask them to wait: I get a call back from gastroenterology within 24 hours to set up the current laboratory order list.

For liver tests, we ask about alcohol intake first. Then look at weight: a high body mass index can cause fatty liver disease. Unfortunately, that can lead to cirrhosis and liver failure, so it is not trivial. We check for hepatitis A, B and C. Then we start looking for the less common causes. My person is relatively young, but that is with me taking care of age 18 and up. I tell my person not to take any supplements, I look at any prescribed medicines. No alcohol for now.

The list of tests changes quickly. If I have not worked this up recently, it’s good to check in with the specialist. The gastroenterologist may not be up to date on ankle sprains, but they are tracking the changes in their specialty. My specialty is everything, so sometimes I need a current update. Most of the specialists are just fine with this phone call.

Occasionally I do this by message. I have a new diabetic who has a cardiologist already. Diabetics are usually put on either an ace inhibitor or an angiotensin receptor blocker to protect kidney function. I message the cardiologist and get a fast answer. Start an angiotensin receptor blocker and the suggested dose. Also very helpful.

A patient tells me on the phone that I get an “A” for the day. I called them to check on them two days after changing a medicine dose and to say that the other specialist wants even MORE laboratory tests. The patient says she has not gotten a call from a doctor before. The “A” made me laugh, but it did feel good.

I am learning the local medical pathways and how to get things done in this particular medical system. The functional bits, the dysfunctional bits, and how to work around them.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: functional.

Sol Duc really likes staying in her pillow fort. Sometimes I want to hide in a pillow fort too. So much for being “grown up”.

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Conserving energy

I was out of clinic for two years and then very part time for a year and now not quite full time as a temp. I bargained to not quite be full time.

The electronic medical record is having a consequence, along with the pressure to see more people faster. The primary care doctors, at least the younger ones, do not seem to call their peer specialists any more. (Family Medicine is a specialty, just as Internal Medicine and Obstetrics/Gynecology are.) I called a gastroenterologist and left a message last week about a difficult and complex patient. The patient had cried three times during our visit. The gastroenterologist was very pleased I had called, was helpful, agreed with my plan of using the side effects of an antidepressant to try to help our patient, and thanked me three times for calling her. Wow. I am used to calling because during my first decade in Washington State, our rural hospital had Family Practice, General Surgery, a Urologist, Orthopedics and a Neurologist. For anything else, we called. I knew specialists on the phone for a one hundred mile radius and some knew me well enough that they’d say a cheery hi.

Now communication is by electronic medical record and email on the medical record and by (HORRORS) TEXT. Ugh. I think that there is quite a lot of handing the patient off by referring them to the Rheumatologist or Cardiologist or whatever, but the local Rheumatologist is booked out until February for new patients. That leaves the patient in a sort of despair if we don’t keep checking in on the problem. If I am worried, I call the Rheumatologist and say, “What can I do now?” I’ve had two people dropping into kidney failure and both times a call to the Nephrologist was very very helpful. I ordered the next tests that they wanted and got things rolling. One patient just got the renal ultrasound about three months after it was ordered. Sigh.

I have one patient who is booked in February for a specialist. I called that specialist too, they did not want any further tests. I told the patient, “You aren’t that sick so you won’t be seen for a while. It isn’t first come first serve: it is sickest first. We all have to save room for the emergencies and sometimes those are overwhelming.” The specialist agreed and the patient is fine with that and I think pleased to know that we do not think she’s that sick. She feels better. If things get worse, she is to come see me and might get moved up. Neither I nor the specialist think that will happen.

Is this conservation of energy, to communicate by email and text? I don’t think so. I think sometimes a phone call is much more helpful, because the other physician knows exactly what I am worrying about and they can tell me their thoughts swiftly. Sometimes they want me to start or change a medicine. Things can get lost in the overwhelming piles of data and the emails and labs and xrays and specialist notes all flowing in.

My Uncle Jim (known as AHU for Ancient Honorable Uncle Jim) used to sing part of this:

Yeah, that’s just how I call my fellow specialists.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: conservation. Don’t cats win at conservation of energy?

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Love gently

Honey is older, nearly thirty years since that first feeling of being bitten by ants. She is back in corporate medicine, as a temp. Temporary, short term, maybe that will work better.

It is a joy to go in a room and be alone with a person and their monsters. Theirs and hers. Sometimes the younger ones haven’t experienced it, they are terrified if one of their monsters becomes a little bit visible, they hate seeing them. Honey tries to be gentle. If they only want to talk about the sore shoulder and not the stress and violence, well, she leaves the door open a crack. Sometimes the monsters cry.

Older people may be stiff to start with, but when they realize their monsters are seen, acknowledged, this isn’t another robot doctor in to say increase your diabetes medicine, lower your diabetes medicine, tell them a plan without ever connecting, the older ones lean back, sigh, and relax. The monsters play on the floor, Honey’s monsters playing with theirs, happy, engaged.

The hard part is the clinic staff. Honey is with them daily. The medical assistants are young. They kick their monsters aside as they walk down the hall. It is terribly hard and heartbreaking to work at her desk, with the medical assistants’ monsters cowering under their desks, kicked, abused, silent tears and holding bruises. Honey’s monsters mind. They climb into her lap and hide their faces in her shirt, under her jacket, peer over her shoulder. They don’t understand! Why can’t she be nice to THESE monsters?

Honey whispers to her monsters when the medical assistants are rooming patients. “I am so sorry, loves. If I acknowledge these, the monsters of the women working, I become a demon. It is very hard to share an office, no wonder I worked in a clinic alone for eleven years.” Honey has been through that. It is still inconceivable that some people don’t see the monsters at all. Is it learned blindness? Or just not developed unless someone had to learn it? Unless someone grows up in terror and seeing the monsters is the only way to survive.

Honey thinks some people learn to see them as adults, at least their own monsters. Hard enough to do that, without seeing the monsters clinging to other people.

Honey is tired of her monsters crying in sympathy with the staff’s monsters. She thinks maybe there are small crumbs that she can leave for these demons. Little gifts. Her monsters can creep under the desk when she is the only one in the room and leave something. A flower. A dust bunny. A crumb of a crisp. A small rock. A little gift to let them know they are seen and loved. A poem. A prayer. Just a tiny bit of love.

_____________________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: crisp.

The photograph is me all dressed up for the 1940s ball.

______________________________

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A yarn about paper

On Friday in the morning I took notes on paper. I was attending a conference on diabetes on Zoom. There are three new things added to the diabetes guidelines. It is now impossible to do a visit about diabetes and actually talk to the human being who has diabetes. We’ll be too busy doing the stupid checklists.

The personnel person stopped by. I said I was taking notes. “On PAPER? You are killing me!”

“Ok. I will use yarn this afternoon.” I drove home and got my knitting and worked on a sock in the afternoon. All the clinics were having a slow day. I guess the kids are getting out of school and everyone is feeling good. Or panicked.

I retain as much information knitting as I do taking notes. Tactile-auditory learner and the controlled fidgeting of knitting helps me stay awake, retain information, and produce socks and others items. I wear the socks more than I reread the notes.

I still like paper. I keep a paper journal. I wanted notes from the most complex lecture. The new medicines are jockeying for position but right now there are different indications for each one, so it’s rather confusing. They said that Type II Diabetes takes two hours daily to manage “correctly”. And that Type I and Type II on insulin take 3 or more. We are supposed to check for Diabetes Distress, which is not depression, exactly. I think I need to be checked for Guideline Distress and Contact Diabetes Distress, sigh. At least the Diabetes Distress speaker thought we should talk to the patient, though I think the talking should have been long before that. Medicine in the US is a mess.

I used the back of the clinic schedules for notes. I do print it out daily. It’s to try to run on time. What time am I supposed to see the patient, but they can be up to 7 minutes late and then the medical assistant still has to “room” them (yes, room has been verbed). Then I can go see them. So the theoretical starting time and the actual starting time can vary quite a bit. I don’t feel bad about being twenty minutes late if I didn’t get to go in the room with the last patient until twenty minutes late. Maybe a no show will let me catch up. Or not.

Anyhow, I still like paper.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: paper.

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Spirit take flight

Death from memory loss is a mixed bag for families.

In the past, the average time to death from Alzheimer’s was 8 years. I don’t find a number on the CDC website, CDC Alzheimer’s. I find these statistics:

  • Alzheimer’s disease is one of the top 10 leading causes of death in the United States.2
  • The 6th leading cause of death among US adults.
  • The 5th leading cause of death among adults aged 65 years or older.3

The site also says that the number of people with Alzheimer’s doubles every five years after age 65. Sigh. Those numbers are the same ones that they taught me years ago, in a different format. 6% at age 60, then 2% more every year. By 70, 26%, by 80, 46%, by 90 66%. Like hypertension, if you live long enough, you may well get it. And yet, I have had patients over 100 years old with intact memories.

The death of a family member with memory loss can have complicated grief. On the one hand, loss and grief. On the other, a burden is lifted. If the person is in memory care, the cost may be very heavy. In our town, the memory care facility costs $7000 per month. That is a heavy burden to carry when the person no longer recognizes the family or speaks. The family may feel hugely relieved when their person passes and at the same time, feel guilty. This is someone that they love and loved. And yet, they are relieved by death. I think of it as a patient of mine described it: “The grief group at the hospital said that my husband isn’t gone. I said, yes he is, he just left his body.” It is very very hard for a family to watch their loved one deteriorate, lose skills, become confused and/or frightened and/or paranoid and the process can happen for years. With an average death at 8 years, some people live beyond 8. Maybe 12 years. It is very hard.

Blessings on those who care for the memory loss people and the families who do their best for them. Alzheimer’s is one sort of dementia, but we now have many. Pick’s disease, frontotemporal dementia, Parkinson’s dementia, multi stroke dementia, alcohol induced dementia, illegal drug dementia, primary progressive supranuclear palsy, and others.

The spirit has already taken wing and let the body follow.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: wing.

My son took the photograph while he was visiting.

Here is the top ten causes of death in 2022: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db492.pdf.

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Matter

If something doesn’t matter, is it anti-matter?

Lily’s person moved two days ago, much closer. Supposedly to a place where Lily the cat can go, but instead of a private room, there is a roommate. It took me a month to get Lily cat to let me pat her, so the roommate won’t work. We are all very very frustrated. And next week daily treatments for Lily’s person start, thirty minutes away, without enough warning to get volunteer drivers. So it will be me. I am tired. But I suppose it’s anti-matter, right? We were given 24 hours notice by the nursing home and by the physicians about both the move and the treatment and they wanted to start the treatment the same day that she was moving. Whether we can provide all the transport seems to be irrelevant.

The stealthie is from Whidby Island. Right, I’m just an irrelevant shadow as far as the medical dysfunctional machine is concerned.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: irrelevant.