Tag Archives: sun

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F for fine

F is for fine.

There is more than one fine. Dictionary.com lists 18 definitions for the adjective fine.
1. of superior or best quality; of high or highest grade:
fine wine.
2. choice, excellent, or admirable:
a fine painting.
3. consisting of minute particles:
fine sand; a fine purΓ©e.
4. very thin or slender:
fine thread.

There is the social fine. “How are you?” someone asks. I am terrible at replying with a breezy “Fine!” Often I am feeling something other than fine. When they ask, I stop and check how I am feeling. Sometimes I try to answer “Fine!” when I know that they are asking with a social politeness and they have no interest in a precise answer. But on March 29, I answered “Grumpy.” When the person looked surprised, I said, “My sister died four years ago today.”

5. keen or sharp, as a tool:
Is the knife fine enough to carve well?
6. delicate in texture; filmy:
fine cotton fabric.
7. delicately fashioned:
fine tracery.
8. highly skilled or accomplished:
a fine musician.

Yesterday morning after I wrote E for Envy, I DID feel fine. I was satisfied with my writing, I am on vacation and the day before I had bought a used outboard for the sailboat. The old outboard has broken down over and over and I am tired of it. I was reading other interesting blogs and enjoying them, writing from all over the world. How wonderful!

9.trained to the maximum degree, as an athlete.
10.characterized by or affecting refinement or elegance:
a fine lady.
11.polished or refined:
fine manners.
12.affectedly ornate or elegant:
A style so fine repels the average reader.

In the afternoon my daughter and I took the boat out. New (used) motor, started on one pull once I remembered to turn the kill switch away from kill, and we edged out of our slip and marina. My daughter is on the sailing team now, so I took the picture while she captained. Such a sunny and blue sky day, so fine!

F

13. delicate or subtle:
a fine distinction.
14. bright and clear:
a fine day; fine skin.
15. healthy; well:
In spite of his recent illness, he looks fine.
16. showy or smart; elegant in appearance:
a bird of fine plumage.

I have a friend who answers “How are you?” a bit differently. His reply is “Flawless!” That is an interesting feeling and interesting answer….

17. good-looking or handsome:
a fine young man.
18. (of a precious metal or its alloy) free from impurities or containing a large amount of pure metal:
fine gold; Sterling silver is 92.5 percent fine.

So the next time someone asks how you are and you say “Fine!”, which fine do you mean? There are so many choices!

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Under the camillia

My mother had many of her copies of Louisa May Alcott’s books, including the odd moral fairy tales. One is Under the Lilacs. I loved slipping into that world that was quite different from my own, in so many small details.

Thursday I was coughing and had no voice. I cancelled clinic and lay on the couch. In the warmest part of the day I lay bundled in the sun, under the camillia.

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Full lunar eclipse

Long long ago, when the universe was forming, the Moon fell in love with the Sun.

The Moon was afraid that the Sun wouldn’t see her, because the Sun was so bright. Slowly she pulled herself together. After careful thought, she chose to orbit the Earth.

Now it is another full lunar eclipse. Her face reflects the Sun’s glory back to him. She slides behind the Earth in a three hour version of her usual cycle, from full to only her own light back to full.

“Where are you, Moon?” bellows the Sun. He hates these quick disappearances. He yells and bellows and tantrums. But the Moon knows that he will forget quickly and that he has not bothered to learn and predict her cycles. He doesn’t like to be reminded of loss and endings and death.

The Sun likes it best when he has her full glory, face reflected back to him. He doesn’t see her light. Each month she moves from reflecting his light towards her quiet time when it is only her light that is visible from Earth. She needs this time to remember that she has her own light, even if it is a shadow compared with the sun.

“You should orbit me!” says the Sun, but the Moon knows that if she orbited him she would be burned and barren and dead, no rest and no light of her own. One night a month the Moon remembers who she is and is alone. She lets her quiet darkness shine. The Earth whispers, “Why do you love the Sun so? Don’t cry, Sister.” The Earth’s salt water tides move like tears.

Sometimes the Moon longs for ending, but she remembers: all love, returned or not, is longing and praise for the Beloved. Maybe she will not be loved or seen as she longs to be in this life, but she too will return to the Beloved and be One. And after her time in the dark she slowly returns to reflecting the Sun.

And the Sun loves her in his way. He loves to watch his reflection grow on her face each month, preens in it, until she is full. He is more irritable in the second half, as she turns her face away again. She wishes that he would look past his own light and see her.

Now the little eclipse is ending and she is rapidly becoming full again. The Sun is cheering up.

“It’s silly of you to hide your face.” says the Sun, fondly.

The moon does not smile. The Sun sees his own smile reflected in her face.

 

I took the photo in 2009 at Joshua Tree.

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unbearable

each time
I think
I can’t bear it

it hurts too much

you are hitting me when I am down

but then I know
that I have come too close

icarus to the sun

you melt the wax from my wings
impassive
as I fall
from the sky

you forget
I forget
that the sea is my true element

not the air

I fall into the sea

I am safe
no wings
no air
no burning sun
just the depths
my tail is back
and the painful split is healed

I swim
down to the depths

I remember
that you torch me
because it is unbearable
to be loved

you stand on shore
apollo
bright and beautiful

I wonder if you will call me forth
from the froth

I wonder if I will come
forth