Frail

I wrote this two years before my father died. I did find him…..

Frail
We are going sailing
My partner says to me
“Invite him if you want.”

Then I am busy for a while

I think of calling, then forget

He was not at chorus on Monday

At last I say,
“I haven’t called. We’ll just sail.
Just us today.”

I haven’t called
because he was not at chorus on Monday

He is frail
55 years of camels
two packs a day
as if each cigarette
destroyed one alveolus
in his lungs
one tiny air/blood interface
built to exchange oxygen
and carbon dioxide
the loss is cumulative
He is frail
he is proud that the choral director
says, “I need you.”
He can’t sustain
but his entrances and time
are the best
among the basses.
They need him.

Chorus
is our winter link
two introverts
we hug at the start of chorus
sing for two hours
and talk for a few minutes at the end

Occasionally we go for a beer
I invite him for dinner
but he comes less and less
he often does not feel well at night

He looks smaller at chorus
this season
this is normal in emphysema
the body sheds weight
too much tissue to oxygenate
too hard for the lungs
and the heart, working overtime
to make up the difference
he is blessed with low blood pressure
genetic, from his father,
tough English stock,
otherwise I think he’d be dead

I didn’t call
before we went sailing
because I am afraid

I’ve driven out before
when he has not answered the phone
for a day or two
wondering if I would find him dead

I didn’t call
before we went sailing
because he was not at chorus on Monday
because if he didn’t answer today
I would not go

 
I took the photograph in 2009

F for fine

F is for fine.

There is more than one fine. Dictionary.com lists 18 definitions for the adjective fine.
1. of superior or best quality; of high or highest grade:
fine wine.
2. choice, excellent, or admirable:
a fine painting.
3. consisting of minute particles:
fine sand; a fine purée.
4. very thin or slender:
fine thread.

There is the social fine. “How are you?” someone asks. I am terrible at replying with a breezy “Fine!” Often I am feeling something other than fine. When they ask, I stop and check how I am feeling. Sometimes I try to answer “Fine!” when I know that they are asking with a social politeness and they have no interest in a precise answer. But on March 29, I answered “Grumpy.” When the person looked surprised, I said, “My sister died four years ago today.”

5. keen or sharp, as a tool:
Is the knife fine enough to carve well?
6. delicate in texture; filmy:
fine cotton fabric.
7. delicately fashioned:
fine tracery.
8. highly skilled or accomplished:
a fine musician.

Yesterday morning after I wrote E for Envy, I DID feel fine. I was satisfied with my writing, I am on vacation and the day before I had bought a used outboard for the sailboat. The old outboard has broken down over and over and I am tired of it. I was reading other interesting blogs and enjoying them, writing from all over the world. How wonderful!

9.trained to the maximum degree, as an athlete.
10.characterized by or affecting refinement or elegance:
a fine lady.
11.polished or refined:
fine manners.
12.affectedly ornate or elegant:
A style so fine repels the average reader.

In the afternoon my daughter and I took the boat out. New (used) motor, started on one pull once I remembered to turn the kill switch away from kill, and we edged out of our slip and marina. My daughter is on the sailing team now, so I took the picture while she captained. Such a sunny and blue sky day, so fine!

F

13. delicate or subtle:
a fine distinction.
14. bright and clear:
a fine day; fine skin.
15. healthy; well:
In spite of his recent illness, he looks fine.
16. showy or smart; elegant in appearance:
a bird of fine plumage.

I have a friend who answers “How are you?” a bit differently. His reply is “Flawless!” That is an interesting feeling and interesting answer….

17. good-looking or handsome:
a fine young man.
18. (of a precious metal or its alloy) free from impurities or containing a large amount of pure metal:
fine gold; Sterling silver is 92.5 percent fine.

So the next time someone asks how you are and you say “Fine!”, which fine do you mean? There are so many choices!

Sun Tui

Sun Tui, my father’s boat and now mine, is back in the water. Two weeks ago today. Another boat ran into her and broke a chain plate and bent a stay last summer, just when I was thinking of sailing. I had not sailed her in about three years at that point, because of my sister having end stage cancer, my father’s emphysema getting worse, both dying.

Sun Tui means wind/water machine, I’m told. She is a 23 foot sloop, with a nearly full keel. She has plywood sides, not planks. She was built by American Marine in Hong Kong in 1959. She has a sister ship in the San Francisco Maritime Museum, the Mermaid. The Mermaid has a different keel. The Mermaid was sailed from Japan to San Francisco by Kinichi Horie, who made the first known solo nonstop crossing of the Pacific in the Mermaid in 1962. He was promptly arrested, because he was 23 and it had not occurred to him to bring a passport. He is known as Japan’s most famous sailor and has sailed many more boats all over.

My father bought Sun Tui in 2002, for $1900.00. Her sides were rotting out. He had the Port Townsend Shipwright’s Co-op replace the sides with 17 layer plywood. He said proudly, “The plywood is guaranteed by Lloyd’s of London.” He had a new jib made and a mainsail cover and a full boat cover. Then we sailed quite a lot, mostly in Port Townsend Bay. My daughter says she hated it when she was little. My father always brought oreos and orange soda. We would sail for a few hours because the kids would start banging against the walls and anyhow, I always had more work.

We raced, too. We were classed with the Thunderbirds, which are faster. They are lighter and have less keel. The trade off is that if one were to go out on the Pacific, Sun Tui is more stable. We beat the Thunderbirds once because my father knew the tides and that there was a backswirl along the shore. The tide carried us along more quickly, even though it seemed out of the way.

Once my father was out with the small fleet for one of the races and it was foggy. They were waiting for the fog to lift. The ferry goes back and forth from Whidby Island and the sailboats huddled to one side of the bay or the other, so the ferry wouldn’t squash them. Many boats quit, but my father stubbornly stayed out until the fog lifted enough to race. They gave him a pennant for tenacity on that one.

Sun Tui has had three major overhauls since my father bought her. The picture is from 2010, after the second, being carried back to the water, mast not back in place yet. I’ve sailed her three times since she went back in the water, now. I miss my father, but I think of him when I sail.

Idaho Gigolo

 

 

He can dance
He can prance
He’s a horse
Of course
Idaho Gigolo
Idaho Gigolo

He can dress
With the best
Talk trash
With a splash
Plays golf
Like a dream
Charm flows
In streams

He can dance
He can prance
He’s a horse
Of course
Idaho Gigolo
Idaho Gigolo

Doesn’t stress
No mess
Tennis pro
Don’t you know
Fine wine
Fine food
Helps to put him
In the mood

He can dance
He can prance
He’s a horse
Of course
Idaho Gigolo
Idaho Gigolo

No sport
Too small
Smiling charm
Pervades them all
He’ll help you
Buy a bike
Knows just
What you’ll like

He can dance
He can prance
He’s a horse
Of course
Idaho Gigolo
Idaho Gigolo

Likes to sail
On a yacht
He knows
He’s hot
Very handy
Deck candy
Getting sandy
Fine and dandy

He can dance
He can prance
He’s a horse
Of course
Idaho Gigolo
Idaho Gigolo

previously published on everything2.com