Category Archives: healing

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Expert level

No, Elwha has not been found. I have lots of photographs. He was a funny cat. Ate too much and then tried to trade toys for food when I decreased what I fed him. He loved boxes and he loved tummy rubs. He seemed to think about food, tummy rubs and sleep, mostly. He would like to catch birds. He was not sedentary but was expert level at relaxing.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: sedentary.

The song is by the Yes Yes Boys: Everybody’s Crazy About the Doggone Blues. I think Elwha would like it.

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Sisyphus

Sometimes clinic feels a bit like Sisyphus must feel. Rolling the stone of illness up the hill but it is eternally rolling back down. I can’t stop it. People age and people die and otherwise there would be no room for young ones.

The last two weeks of clinic has worn me out a bit. A friend says that I take too much of it home, worrying about people. How to let go of this?

I make connections in clinic. Not all the time. Sometimes I fail. I made a connection with more than one person with diabetes this week, but one was funny. The connection is that he mentioned that he is an elk hunter. Oh, and flies to California to fish and has a very lot of fish. I said that I’ve had elk and like it. That was when the connection engaged: he was very pleased that I am not horrified by hunting. Hunting elk is not at all easy or cheap and cleaning the animal and carrying it out, well. He is coming back about his diabetes and left cheerful.

If I go home trailing those connections and spend my time worrying about this people, I’ll wear out. I don’t want pneumonia number five. So how do I connect but let it go when I go home?

I will think of the connection as much smaller than the boulder that Sisyphus deals will. Not a boulder. A small piece of the rock. I can suggest how the person can lighten the load a little. Then I must stand aside and let them go. They have to decide what to do about their health. It is between them and the Beloved, they can try what I say or not.

Now it is not a boulder that I am trying to keep from rolling down a mountain. Each person has their own mountain to climb in their life, their own habits and histories, good or bad, trailing them like Marley’s Ghost in A Christmas Carol. I can suggest a tool to loosen a link of diabetes, or a slightly different trail up the mountain. Then it is up to them. I can’t carry them and should not carry them. Maybe they are approaching a patch of scree and I can suggest an easier or safer path. And then stand aside, stand down, let the people go.

Now I am not pushing a huge rock. I am standing on my own mountain, quiet, and looking at the path behind. I am resting a little and on my own path. I don’t know what will be around the next bend in the path. But I love the mountain and the forests and the birds and the ocean. All of it.

Thank you, oh Best Beloved.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: olympics!

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Intimacy

What IS intimacy? And what is love? And are they the same thing? Do you have to be intimate to love someone? Not meaning sex, but what level of intimacy is “normal” and “appropriate”?

I am thinking of my mother. When I was just starting college, she started talking to me about my father and about his drinking. I became more and more uncomfortable and finally asked her to find a counselor or someone other than me. The thing is, she refused to DO anything about his drinking and in fact, covered it up. The two of them would scream at each other at 2 am and fight when I was in high school. It would wake me up and I would think, I wish they wouldn’t, because I have school tomorrow. But I certainly didn’t go say anything because then they would have screamed at me. And as I got older, I wondered if my mother was drinking heavily too. Because why would she argue with someone drunk at 2 am, that makes no sense. Unless she either was drunk or loved to argue or both.

It is clear that she was drinking heavily at that time from her journals. Over and over she writes, I drank too much last night. Hard to blame her for not intervening with my father if she is drunk too. But she was using him as her cover up. Her family blamed him. My grandmother, her mother, didn’t blame him. She loved them both.

When we had guests, my mother would turn on the charm. She could mesmerize a room and entertain people with stories. My sister and I and others would be the butt of the stories. My father too. After the guest left, she would often talk about them. Analyze them. Talk about their faults and weaknesses. I was fascinated but a bit horrified too. She seemed to like these people so much and to charm them and invite them back, but was talking about them behind their backs. Ick.

So intimacy interests me. I wonder how to do it “right”. Maybe right is not the best word. How to do it “functionally”. I really don’t know what normal is, my maternal family certainly did not model healthy intimacy. My generation still gossips about each other. I quit that at age 19 and refused to be part of it. I don’t think anyone saw my rebellion except my maternal grandmother. She did not say a word but I knew that I had her respect. She did not play the family game with me.

I don’t think that gossip and triangulation are a good form of intimacy or love. Person A talks to person C about person B. Word gets around and sometimes it is person D that says something to person B and person B gets upset when they realize where this came from. And how twisted and one sided the story is. And aren’t we seeing this play out on a national level? All these people saying that THEY KNOW the status of the President’s memory. I don’t. I can’t judge it from a debate. And frankly, if we are going to do a psychiatric evaluation of one, I think we have to do BOTH. Stop following stupid rumors. Why not require a neuropsychiatric evaluation on every candidate for President and Senate and House of Representatives and the Supreme Court. And make them public. That would cause some chaos, wouldn’t it? And how do you decide who is “sane” enough to govern?

I think that gossip and triangulation is a dysfunctional form of intimacy. People feel closer when someone is whispering a secret to them. I don’t think it’s healthy. It might be normal for our culture, though. Normal does not mean healthy, after all. What do you think?

This election is like a bad hallucination. Why do we accept candidates that behave badly? Are we so addicted to television and movie drama that we want it to happen in our government? I don’t. How about you?

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: hallucination.

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Tea and talk

Tea and talk and tittle tattle
exchange of views among some boomers
solving problems as ideas rattle
or spreading nasty damaging rumors?
Talk of science and books and space
are the words mean or kind?
whispers about someone’s face?
Rumors about someone’s mind?
It’s hard to fight a rumor mill
people talking behind your back
the poison seeps and spreads and spills
a deadly dagger in your back
Time passes and people find
sometimes it’s the accuser who lost his mind

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: tittle tattle.

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On line weight loss drugs

Don’t buy it. Apparently a company call Him is selling a compounded GLP-1 like drug, have worked around the DEA for the moment, but people are getting really sick and there have been some deaths. Article here.

The workaround is that the DEA will let compounding pharmacies make a drug if there is a shortage. Unfortunately, online companies are doing 734,000 prescriptions a month. People can get them on line without a doctor visit or labs, though there may be a doctor signing off. Remember that they are selling an untested GLP-1, and the side effects of the tested ones can include gall bladder disease, pancreatitis and gastroparesis, where the food sits in the stomach and doesn’t leave. And yes, there have been deaths. This may be the salt of the drug, so that it doesn’t have the slow absorption when injected, and hits all at once. Is weight loss that important?

The guidelines for weight loss drugs are here: https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2023/1000/practice-guidelines-medications-weight-loss.html. This article is from October 2023, so doesn’t have the latest offering. I recently saw a person who did not fall into those guidelines. I refused to prescribe. The person responded, “I’ll go to Mexico and get it.” I reply, “Be sure that they do laboratory work and talk to you about the potential side effects.” I am also reading that now there are faked weight loss injector pens circulating. I don’t know what is in them. Fentanyl? Floor sweepings? Who knows.

Meanwhile I am still working on a little weight loss myself. I don’t know if I’ve lost much but clothes are fitting better. The climbing gym and hiking are having an effect. Muscle burns 9 kcal per gram and fat only 4 kcal per gram, so building muscle slims one even if the weight stays the same. My endurance is rising. That feels so good after being on oxygen for a year and a half. I am still trying to eat 1/2 green/yellow or orange vegetables at each meal and I think that is helping too. All this discipline stuff, eeyuk. Oh well.

Anyhow, be careful out there. I do not recommend getting weight loss drugs off the internet or buying it from “friends of friends”. Bad news.

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Food, food, food

When I get pneumonia, I drop ten pounds the first week. Since I had influenza viral pneumonia in 2003, I don’t run a fever. I just have a fast heart rate resting and get short of breath walking across the room. With Covid, I needed oxygen.

Each time, it takes longer to gain the weight back. Then I go over my normal weight and eventually have to rebuild muscle. This time I did not gain any weight back for over a year. But now it’s been three years and I am in the muscle rebuilding and weight loss section.

It does get harder as I get more mature. Older and wiser, right? Well, maybe. At any rate, I am trying to lose weight without any drugs or injectables or herbs. I am trying to eat the way the diabetic educators tell us to: half the meal should be vegetables. Every meal. A small grain and a small protein and not too much fat and vegetables. Corn really falls into the grains.

In clinic I often do a diet history of the day before. What did the person eat? I think about half of the histories come back with almost no vegetables. Pizza is NOT a vegetable, it’s mostly in the grain department. Grains are plants, I agree, but they send blood sugar up a lot more than celery and kale and collards.

Meanwhile, where is CHOCOLATE on that plate half covered with vegetables? Darn. My dessert could be a small piece of chocolate with a carrot on the side? Chocolate dipped carrots? I honestly do not like celery. Celeriac yes, celery no, though I have it in the curried chicken salad I made yesterday. That chicken salad is not half vegetables. It has some celery for crunch but it also has grapes. So, I ate it last night with an equal amount of mixed lettuce and sugar snap peas from the Farmer’s Market.

I do not have diabetes, but if I am recommending a dietary change, I think I should be able to do it too. We shall see. I think right now my diet is about 1/3 vegetables. Fruit does not count as a vegetable for this.

The other thing about vegetables is you have to cut them up. Ok, wash them too. And it’s not like one doesn’t have to cook beans or rice or meat, but vegetables do take time. If I have a person with low blood sugar or who is feeling awful, saying make half the meal vegetables may not be realistic. When someone is really frail or ill, it may be that getting out of bed, washed and dressed and to the table is overwhelming. Cut up vegetables? Cook from scratch? Maybe not.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: lunch.

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Frail

I wrote this poem about my father at least a year before he died. He was on oxygen, on steroids, terrible emphysema from 55 years of unfiltered Camel cigarettes. He would not accept much help and became more and more of a hermit. He did continue with the Rainshadow Chorale and because of it he quit smoking three years before he died.

Frail

We are going sailing
My partner says to me
β€œInvite him if you want.”

Then I am busy for a while

I think of calling, then forget

He was not at chorus on Monday

At last I say,
β€œI haven’t called. We’ll just sail.
Just us today.”

I haven’t called
because he was not at chorus on Monday

He is frail
55 years of camels
two packs a day
as if each cigarette
destroyed one alveolus
in his lungs
one tiny air/blood interface
built to exchange oxygen
and carbon dioxide
the loss is cumulative


He is frail
he is proud that the choral director
says, β€œI need you.”
He can’t sustain
but his entrances and time
are the best
among the basses.
They need him.

Chorus
is our winter link
two introverts
we hug at the start of chorus
sing for two hours
and talk for a few minutes at the end

Occasionally we go for a beer
I invite him for dinner
but he comes less and less
he often does not feel well at night

He looks smaller at chorus
this season
this is normal in emphysema
the body sheds weight
too much tissue to oxygenate
too hard for the lungs
and the heart, working overtime
to make up the difference
he is blessed with low blood pressure
genetic, from his father,
tough English stock,
otherwise I think he’d be dead

I didn’t call
before we went sailing
because I am afraid

I’ve driven out before
when he has not answered the phone
for a day or two
wondering if I would find him dead

I didn’t call
before we went sailing
because he was not at chorus on Monday
because if he didn’t answer today
I would not go

______________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: frail.

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Covid Morph

So far I have gotten positive Covid tests on one patient a week, all with really different symptoms.

One older person who was short of breath walking, tired, coughing and loose at the other end.

One young one whose only symptom was profuse throwing up.

One with a sore throat, nasal congestion, cough and feeling fairly awful and about to go on a trip, darn it.

There isn’t a nice pattern to tell me what the local strain is doing. It can do any darn old thing. I have also seen someone with strep throat and another couple who had similar symptoms to the others but did not have Covid. It’s morphing like an AI, I swear. I am masking in clinic but so far so good.

The Ragtag Daily Prompt is essential. I think it’s pretty essential for me to wear a mask in clinic, in crowds and on airplanes, since I am quite tired of pneumonias.

I have been the only “provider”, that is, doctor, in the clinic for the last two days. The medical assistants and front desk and I are starting to work as a team. I ask the front desk person how to communicate with her from the clinic room most efficiently. Something was weird about the refill system and it kept refusing refills. On Tuesday I had over 100 “documents” in the computer “box”. Lab work, specialist reports, refill requests, x-ray reports, nursing home things, surgery reports, wound clinic, emergency room, and so forth. I am trying to skim them, but I can’t say that I will remember person A’s dermatology report after skimming 60 others. If you go to your primary care provider and have had some major medical thing recently, remind them. They may have gotten and read the note, but gosh, it’s hard to remember at 100+ per day. Right now I have not met most of the people, so it is even harder.

The photograph is just for fun, taken a few weeks ago on the trail that runs by the Colorado River. Lovely!

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G6PD deficiency and diabetes

Today I follow an online trail to this article on diabetes from Nature Medicine here.

It is talking about a genetic variant that is found in people with African-American heritage called G6PDdef. This genetic pattern makes the HgbA1C test inaccurate. It will look low and “in control” even when blood sugars are high. Since the blood sugars are NOT in control, complications from diabetes can happen: damage to vision, to kidneys, to nerves in the hands and feet.

I have been reading articles about current and changing guidelines about diabetes. The current guidelines say that checking blood sugars at home doesn’t make a difference. I REALLY disagree with this and at the same time, I don’t think that physicians are approaching blood sugars in a practical manner.

I saw a man recently who is diagnosed with “insulin resistance”. His HgbA1C is in between 5.6 and 6.0. Normal is 4.5 to 5.6. Over 6.5 is diabetes. He has prediabetes. He has not checked blood sugars at all, but he is on metformin.

There is evidence that metformin is helpful, and still, I think it is putting the cart before the horse. I ask my people to go buy an over the counter glucometer. Ask for the one that has cheap strips, 6 for a dollar instead of a dollar apiece. Then we go over the normal and abnormal blood sugar ranges and I ask them to start checking blood sugars. If I give them a medicine right away, they don’t learn how to control their blood sugar with diet. ALL of my patients can figure out how to bring their blood sugars down with diet. If we can’t get to a good range, then we will add metformin. I do explain that the guidelines say use a medicine right away, but I ask, “Would you like to see if you can control your blood sugars with diet?” The answer is overwhelmingly “YES!” I have never had someone say no. If we do not give them the chance and explain the goals, why would they even try?

Also, I read the dietician handouts for diabetes yesterday and I am not satisfied. I do not think they explain carbohydrates well. Foods have fats, proteins, and carbohydrates, and anything that isn’t fat or protein has carbohydrates. I think of carbohydrates as a line, from ones with high fiber that do not send the blood sugar up fast, to ones that shoot it way high. At the low end is kale and lettuce and chard and celery. Then the green and yellow and red vegetables that are not sweet. Then beets and sweet peas. Next come the fruits, from blueberries up to much sweeter ones. Fruits overlap with grains: bread and pasta and potatoes and rice. The whole grains have more fiber and are slower to digest. Candy then sweet drinks (sodas are evil) and sugar.

Sugar has 15 grams of carbohydrate in a tablespoon. Kale has 7 grams of carbohydrate in a cup. That’s a pretty huge difference. A small apple has about 15 grams of carbohydrate and a large one 30 grams. Read labels for grains. There is a lot of carbohydrate in a small amount. The issue with fruit juice is that most of the fiber is gone, so the sugars are broken down and absorbed much faster. A 12 oz coke has 32 grams of carbohydrate and a Starbucks mocha has 62! I quit drinking the latter when I looked it up.

Most people with diabetes are supposed to stay at 30 grams of carbohydrate per meal, or 45 if it is a big person or if someone is doing heavy labor. Snacks are 15 grams.

Avocados are weird. They have about 17 grams of carbohydrate in a whole one, but they also have a lot of fat. They do have a lot of fiber, which surprises me.

Diet control takes a combination of paying attention to what is on the plate and serving amounts. Three servings of pasta is not going to work, unless you are out fighting forest fires or are on the swim team. Fire fighters are allotted 6000 calories a day, but most of us do not get that much exercise.

At the same time that articles are telling me that home blood sugars are not useful with a glucometer, everyone is pushing the continuous glucose monitors. I think we like technology. And other articles say that diabetes can be reversed with major lifestyle changes.

Articles: about not using home glucose checks, here. Starting metformin, here. Starting with one of the newer medicines, here.

I think people feel a lot more successful if they get a glucometer and can bring their blood sugar down by messing about with diet. I tell them to check after what they think is a “good” meal and after a “bad” one. How much difference is there? Contrast that with being handed a pill to control it, while someone talks about diet and says all the same stuff that we’ve heard for years. Nearly all of my people want to avoid more pills and are willing to try a glucometer to see if they can avoid a pill. People who have been on diabetes medicine for a while are less willing to try, but sometimes they do too. And sometimes they are surprised that some meals do not do good things for their blood sugar.

This is all type II diabetes. For type I, we have to have insulin. If type II has been out of control for a long time, sometimes those people have to have insulin too. Right now insurances will usually cover continuous glucose monitors for people with diabetes who are on insulin, both type I and II. I do hope that they really make a huge difference for those people!

The spectrum from the low carbohydrate vegetable, the green and yellow and orange ones, up to the really high simple sugar ones is also called the glycemic index. There are lists of low to high glycemic index foods. Perhaps some people with diabetes find that helpful, but I think it’s simpler to say, ok, the stuff that doesn’t taste sweet will send the blood sugar up less. Also, since we are all genetically different and then our gut bacteria and microbiome are all different, it is individualized care to say how does this person at this time respond to this food? We change over time!

There are other examples of the HgbA1C not working to track diabetes. A resident and I looked over a person with diabetes and spherocytosis. The HgbA1C was nearly normal but the blood sugars were in the 300 range. Spherocytosis is a genetic blood cell abnormality, and the red blood cells don’t live as long. People with a past bone marrow transplant also have red cells that live for a shorter time. The G6PD deficiency is thought to help people survive malaria, so persists in the population, like sickle cell anemia. Isn’t genetics fascinating?

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Lie low and flow

We have fight or flight for the sympathetic nervous system state, when we are ramped up, aggressive, go getters, all that stuff. We need a term for the parasympathetic nervous system state, the relaxed one. So far I’ve come up with lie low and flow. Other suggestions? I welcome them! We need more lie low and flow and glow and say no and ho, ho, ho in the world. What puts you in that state? Knitting? Stupid cat videos? Bugs Bunny? A bubblebath? Watching toddlers? What makes you laugh and yawn and relax and lets all the tension flow out and sink or float away?

In clinic I am seeing a wide age range. Most of the younger ones, say, under 60, look a bit shell shocked. I think this is still from the pandemic and wars and political nastiness. The over 60 crowd seems to not care as much. They’ve been through it, they know people die, they know bad stuff happens.

A friend and I were talking about pandemics and he pointed out that HIV and AIDS was a pandemic too. So we are on track for two pandemics per century. The younger folk do not remember the HIV and AIDS pandemic and how frightening it was. Right before that started, some doctors proclaimed that infectious disease had been conquered by medicine. Um, RONG RONG RONG! Boy did they eat THOSE words. And early in that pandemic, no one knew what to believe, what was happening, how to stay safe, and the communication from the medical establishment changed very fast. I wonder if the people who were young adults and older in the 1980s were less surprised by the Covid-19 Pandemic and all the rumors and confusion. Yep, seen it before.

I am not sure how to help the younger shell shocked looking folks. Colorado is a bit tough and manly and consequently there is not a huge amount of resources for emotional health. Yesterday I asked if we have anyone who does neuropsychiatric testing and the answer I got was “I don’t know.” I will dig around today but did not find it on the internet. I have found neuropsych testing hugely helpful for traumatic brain injuries, post brain surgery, and to sort out unusual learning and memory styles. One woman had a brain tumor removed. Her memory was affected. She could remember things that she wrote down and read, but not things that she only heard. No one had given her the report to read. They only told her, so she did not remember it. At least, that was the story. I gave her the report and said, “Read it. And tell your family. And if you are on the phone, take notes.”

Ok, now I should get ready for work, though I want to lie low and watch a silly cat video.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: yawn.