I went to class to medical school and wondered and noticed that the classes resembled descriptions of cults how they train people
and I thought I am not joining any cult
and I kept my mouth shut
in the elevator when another student says “The other day I threw out all of my husband’s plaid shirts. I hate them. They are too low class.” If he loves them, you’ve hurt him, right? and I think I could say “Yes, I hate it when my husband wears my plaid skirt he stretches them all out and ruins them.” I would be outed even more than I already am as weird.
I don’t say a word I just think words
Medical school is four years Residency is three I am quiet there too impression that I am shy which is a lie even so, the faculty fear me
I hear, 25 years later
and I am surprised
5 foot four 130 pounds
what the hell is there to fear?
though a boyfriend says “You turn into an ogre when you are angry.”
but I am quiet in medical school in residency except when a patient needs me to speak
morph to ogre morph to werewolf if needed
as I get older slowly slowly I learn more subtelty
mostly from my children who are subtle and very very smart
at any rate
I never bought in to the give opioids to everyone
and eventually it turns out that my intuition or instinct or whatever the hell you want to call it study of addiction from the experience and reading in college matches the studies that come out
now I have another one an intuition
the data is catching up with me
it’s funny in my small community
I feel so lonely after 21 years mother’s death, sister’s death, father’s death divorce single mother 2 children niece don’t go there I am labeled by the medical community I hear that the senior doctor in the community tells a woman midlevel at a party that I am crazy
but I was right about opioids
pigs and fishes
is it ok
if I don’t make sense for a little while?
maybe just maybe
they could listen to me this time
but I don’t think
that would be ok but it is hurting people and I can’t bear that
so I put myself back in the traces
once in a massage I thought I can’t bear this I am not strong enough and suddenly I was in a dream world where my back was enormous huge unending and I thought, oh, I can bear this thank you I think
I put myself back in the traces I am an ox I plant my hooves
I begin to pull hard
pigs and fishes
even as I cry
The photograph is from 2014. Two pairs of glasses frames ago….
To participate in the Ragtag Daily Prompt, create a Pingback to your post, or copy and paste the link to your post into the comments. And while you’re there, why not check out some of the other posts too!