On guard

My nurse’s breath catches. “Oh, no,” she says.

I am new here. Less than a year. “What?” I say.

“We have Janna Birchfield on the schedule.”

“Who is Janna Birchfield?”

Tonna leans back in her chair at the nurse’s station, a high set desk that runs behind the front office. We have new glass barriers along it to make it more hipaa compliant. It is also more claustrophobic. She throws her pen down. “She’s one of the most hostile people here. She’s known for throwing a brick through her second doctor’s plate glass window.”

“Ah,” I say.

“She was Dr. M’s patient but apparently she and Dr. K got in a screaming fight in the hallway. She is banned from that clinic. So we are the last clinic in town.”

My nurse knows the local stories and she has seen a lot. She doesn’t have a lot of unconscious monsters. Yeah, there is some impatience and some anger there, but she’s pretty good. No real fear, nothing cringing at her feet.

“Hmm. Let me talk to Marnie.” Marnie is our office manager.

Marnie and I talk. I read the last notes from Dr. M and an account of the screaming fight with Dr. K. I call Dr. K. I don’t know of anything that scares her and she is tough. I rather enjoy envisioning her yelling back at this patient.

The day arrives and Mrs. Birchfield is put in a room. Vitals are done. I go in.

Janna Birchfield is big. She weighs about twice what I do, and it’s muscle rather than fat. She looks solid. Not like a body builder, just strong. She tops me by nearly a foot. She looks sullen and unfriendly.

And I am looking at her monsters. Three are guarding a fourth, at her feet. Fear is there, anger is the biggest and posturing, like a body builder, in front. The third is morphing back and fourth: envy and hostility. The fourth is in a stroller, guarded by the other three. Asleep? Unconscious? Well, yes, duh, but it’s not often that a monster is so undeveloped that it is still an infant. Not good.

“Hi, Miz Birchfield. I am Dr. Gen.” I hold out my hand, moving slowly and smoothly. Her monsters alert, fear flinching and anger ready to punch. I stand with my hand out. She eventually touches it, glaring.

“Hi,” sullen.

“We need to talk about the clinic rules first.” I say calmly. Anger puffs up and her shoulders rise as the monster swells and takes control, her elbows rising and hands are fists. Her eyes don’t turn red, but nearly. “I have heard about your argument with Dr. K.”

Furious voice, “She screamed at me. She’s a horrible doctor! She got me thrown out!”

I am smooth and calm, “I am not going to discuss Dr. K,” I say. Honestly, it’s even more fun to think of Dr. K taking this on and not budging an inch. Dr. K is my size, small. “In this clinic, I need you to understand that you are not allowed to yell at anyone at the front desk, in the hallways or on the phone.” Anger flees immediately, small again and she looks confused. “You may not yell at the staff, at the other patients, or at anyone on the clinic property.”

“Why would I agree to that?” she says. She is mostly confused because I am not scared or angry. I am not behaving the way she expects, the way most people behave around her.

“If you are upset, the only people you can yell at are me or the office manager and you need an appointment.”

“They are rude to me!” Basically she means everyone. “You can’t make me do that!”

“Take it or leave it.” I say. “You need to agree and keep the agreement, or we will discharge you immediately. If you say no, leave now, and I won’t charge for the visit.”

Her monsters are confused. Anger has shrunk back down and they are conferring, heads together. Confusion has shown up as well, morphing though different colors and stripes, stars and paisleys. She stares at me, frozen hostility. I just wait, sitting in front of my laptop, serene. This is going well. She isn’t yelling and she hasn’t left.

“What if they are mean?” she says.

“You will make an appointment with me or the office manager, and we will help you.”

“Ok,” she says. The monsters are still surrounding the carriage, but really, now confusion is in charge. We work through the rest of the visit, as I get to know her a little. She has had a hard, hard life.

I let the front office and the nurses know the rules. The office manager and I let them know that this is a contract with the patient and she has agreed. They feel protected. They feel protected enough that they are nice to her. She behaves and starts, infinitesimally, to relax. She is still angry and hostile in the exam room but it’s not directed at me. It is directed at the entire world, the rest of the world outside the clinic. I try to help her medically but also let the monsters have their say. The visits start with anger and hostility but tend to subside into confusion. I am not getting at the fear or whatever is in the stroller. It is one of the large old fashioned ones, heavy, navy blue, where an infant can lie flat. Clearly it does not fold up to go in a car or anywhere else convenient. There are no toys hanging from the top or across it, no stuffed animals. Only a form under the blankets, always still.

I may reach that form, or not. I do not know.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: paleontology.

Take off

Our family of four is visiting the Hoh Rain Forest. I think my husband is a relatively normal person and that he and my daughter are just being silly.

Suddenly they morph into dinosaurs! Pterodactyls! Ferocious long toothed beaks and weird speckled feathers! My son looks at me and gives me a hug. “Thanks, mom.” He morphs too and they are in flight, off in to the rain forest!

They weren’t being silly. They were practicing and apparently my daughter has now learned to fly.

I still miss them terribly and hope that they are well. Be careful, and do not marry a pterodactyl.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: fiction.

My Monday is Tuesday

I am a slacker on Tuesday’s Ragtag Daily Prompt! Not really, it’s just that that is my back to work day and I am getting ready in the morning and I think, “I will do it later.” Last night I cooked a pork tenderloin with peaches, kale and green beans, but then afterwards I fell asleep by 7:30. I guess Tuesday particularly tires me out. I met the new doctor yesterday and I had two patients who took nearly an hour each.

I found another farm stand this weekend and bought tons of vegetables and some fruit. I am still trying to do half vegetables at each meal. It takes time. I bought more pattypan squash to roast, it turns sweet and delicious. Quick, while the summer squash is available!

I also took four books to the library and took out eight more. I switched cookbooks because I did not like the one I had. This one looks much better. And a smattering of nonfiction, science fiction and fiction and silly romances or fantasy romance for when my brain is tired. I avoid the horror aisle, there’s enough of that in the news.

Shelves with many library books

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: science fiction.

Indiana Jones is a terrible archeologist

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny: a 2023 action/adventure film, the last gasp of the Raiders of the Lost Ark series. At least, I hope so.

I saw this with my daughter. I think it is awful, though if you want to see people blown up and killed, well, ok. SPOILERS.

Harrison Ford plays an awful person. A horrible archeologist, since he destroys tombs with no regard for history. A thief. A killer. A bad father, a bad friend, a bad God-father, a terrible husband. He goes to friends for help and barely notices when they are killed, though he is happy to point out to his God-daughter that SHE is not compassionate either.

It’s all justified by saving the world from the Dial of Destiny, only this time we don’t see this supposedly world changing item filed in a warehouse. It’s left sitting on a bedside table at the end. Yeah, maybe in the next movie one of the kids will play with it.

Indiana Jones is so awful that he wants to get away from himself, by staying in the time displacement. The Dial of Destiny is mathematical so it is not magic. Really. Science. Thank goodness it’s not a mathematical anti-aging device so Indy would live on.

They make him younger in the earlier scenes, ok, that’s sort of cool from a technical perspective. Just wait until everyone has that technology for Facebook and dating sites. Running atop the speeding train? Yeah, my suspension of disbelief already done failed, sorry. Tons of people killed in the first ten minutes, but since they are Nazis, we ought to be good with that. Except I am not. And he and his friend walk off with half of the precious potentially world changing power object? Which makes the friend crazy and so Indy ends up with it. Filed on a shelf at a college. Indy can’t keep a promise to a friend, either.

What about the romance? Give me a break. Ick, frankly. So he has to have the perfect female who turns a blind eye to all his destruction and killing and theft and very very bad archeology? Because “he is saving the world”? Ok, maybe she has dementia by now so she’s down with it. The perfect female for this scumbag: I think that search is really the about the anima. The search for the perfect partner is within, and we project that on a person who has some aspects of that internal perfection. That is falling in love. Really loving someone is withdrawing the projection and loving them anyhow. Indy’s movies represent much of our cultural disrespect and scorn for women. He has an undeveloped anima who is a sexy figure who will let him do anything he wants. And welcome him home. First thing I would do is destroy the “mathematical” dial, give him a good kick and leave. My work is done, out of here.

My ending for the movie would have Indy and his God-daughter hauled off to jail and fight in court for the next decade over who killed the people at the university, and all the things that he’s stolen and destroyed catch up with him. Mirror the ending of Raiders by having him carted into a gigantic jail with thousands of cells, to disappear forever. His wife finishes the divorce and she absconds with the young thief. The young thief decides that court and jail really don’t look like much fun and straightens up. Now, that’s a satisfying ending!

________________________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: movie.

More fours

I am at Lake Matinenda, enjoying time alone. I think, well, I should really go spend time with my family, so I get up and go to the cabin. There is no one around, just the remains of breakfast. I eat and then lie on a bunk and read. Again I think, I could spend time with family. I will do the dishes, too. I hope I can do something enjoyable with my family.

I go in the other room and my sister is there, flanked by my cousins, X and Y. My sister raises her eyes to me and I know that I have walked into drama. X and Y are looking at me, as if I am to blame or need to do something. “I guess I had better fill you in,” says my sister. I wish I was not in the room. “Our friend, Ella, got pregnant and had a baby.”

So what? I think. “Who?”

“You remember Ella! She can’t take care of it. You need to take the baby while she is getting well.”

“Ella.” I say. I vaguely remember an Ella. There is a black puppy wandering around the room. Why the hell would anyone add a puppy to this? We are at the lake in Ontario and it’s a monumental pain to try to take an animal across the border.

“The puppy too,” says my sister. My cousins are looking at me expectantly.

I am calm, but I think, no. This is not my baby, I barely remember Ella, and I do not want a puppy. I don’t say anything, just wear my most calm face. My sister cannot read me any more because I now have boundaries. That still feels weird.

Later I am holding the puppy. The others have fallen asleep. I get up to return to my tent. I pat the puppy and let it go in the cabin as I leave. I think it will wake them, but it is not my puppy. I hope they can sleep some.

_________________________

This is another dream of fours. If the people are all parts of me, what do they represent?

My sister represents drama. She draws people in to help her with drama. I have been drawn in but I don’t want to anymore. I will not take the baby or the puppy.

X is an academic and seems to be channeling the absent minded professor. We are trying to sell a piece of land and after a year he tells me he doesn’t know how. He has a PhD. I say, “Didn’t you buy your house?” I wonder if his wife does all the non-PhD related work. Ugh.

Y is a grade school teacher and loves tea and roses and flowers. Sweet sweet sweet on the outside. But this history is of triangulation and believing my sister’s stories about me without ever checking. The dark side.

I leave the cabin to go to my tent. I will not join this drama, not try to talk sense into my sister, not engage with my silly role-playing cousins. And at the same time, I am letting go of the part of myself that likes the drama, that tries to rescue, that is the mix of sweet and dark, that chooses to not know. The cousins and my sister are all aspects of myself, that I am gently letting go. Quietly.

This is a healing dream.

_________________________

Dreams have layers of meaning.

I am still thinking about the puppy.

The Witch and Silk

This is part of a series called The Witch of Fourteenth Street. I wrote it when I was hanging out with someone very very inappropriate. After another pneumonia, so I can blame that. Inspired by Louis Carreras’s story: Covert.

The Witch and Silk

The Witch is hanging out at the Giant Shed, watching the Cave guy work. She admires his muscles. She is listening to him talk, sort of.

“Men’s group meets tomorrow night.”

“A men’s group?” said the Witch, disbelieving. These guys are hyper conservative. “You play drums and beat your chests?”

“No!” says the Cave guy. “We meet Tuesday nights. We are learning skills for the coming collapse. You know that civilization as we know it is going to collapse. Spengler said so.”

The Witch has the book now, but hasn’t it read it. She doesn’t care. “What sort of skills?”

“Lighting fires last week.”

“What, with a bow and wood?”

“Do you know how difficult it is? Wait, how do you know about starting fires with a bow?”

“Another set of kids’ books. Earnest Thompson Seeton. Also tracking and snares and shelter building.”

The Cave guy rolls his eyes. “KIDS’ books. This week we are building rabbit cages. Rabbits for meat.”

“Ok.” says the Witch. “Can I come?”

“NO. THIS IS MEN’S GROUP.”

“Ya’ll will need some women when civilization collapses, though. Unless ya gonna be the last generation.”

“What skills do you have for the collapse? You must be prepared.”

“Two major ones.” says the Witch. “One: I am a physician. That is hella useful. Two: I know 500 or more songs, all twelve verses. I am entertainment when the televisions go dead. Very valuable.”

The Cave guy is silent, glaring. “Humph.” He goes back to the purpleheart.

The Witch grins. “Well, have a good Men’s night. Build those cages. Can I build one in the daytime?”

“All right,” says the Cave guy. He shows her the pattern.

The Witch watches the men come and go from the Giant Shed, where the Cave guy holds court and works as a Shipwright. The teen boys are there too, the mountain bike racing team, the Flying Monkeys. This is all ripe for someone to come in and use them, thinks the Witch. For something covert. I mean, it’s perfect. They are conservative, paranoid and listen to Fox News all the time. I’m surprised no one has already used them.

“My son and I are building frames.” says the Cave guy.

“Frames?” says the Witch. Frames are not boats.

“My friend Silk, the computer expert. He wants us to build them because he doesn’t want to source from China. They are our enemies.”

Oh, thinks the Witch. Oh, wow. “Uh, what sort of computer expert?”

“He says he can make any sort of money on the internet. He’s made his pile. Bitcoin early adopter.”

“The silk road? Are you sure you want to be involved?”

“Oh, he didn’t sell drugs!”

The Witch meets Silk. He is small and quiet and has a wife and a three year old. His house has a high earth berm to hide everything and a sheep that is about to die from not being shorn. Poor sheep, thinks the Witch.

“Silk is turning one of his computer programs over to me!” says the Cave guy. “Easy money!”

“And what are the frames for?” says the Witch, but she’s already scoped it. Black frames. For fake certificates, of course, which Silk is turning out. Silk has moved from a big city and perhaps had a different name. Well, thinks the Witch, Silk is busily setting up the Shipwright to take the fall for the fake certificates and the “easy money” computer program. The Shipwright is six foot 5 inches and apparently thinks his size means he’s smarter than Silk and also thinks that he’s leading the group. Silk is happy to be low profile. Silk takes the Shipwright along when he cashes in a huge amount of Bitcoin, as a body guard. And or fall guy, but there is no raid.

The Witch doesn’t think that Silk is as smart as he thinks either. Well, perhaps with computers. His escape plan is not so good. He takes the cash and a boat and his wife and his three year old and heads for Panama. “He’s taking his three year old daughter there right in the midst of Zika?”

“Silk knows what he’s doing,” says the Cave guy.

“No he doesn’t,” says the Witch. “Um, he may understand computers, but not infectious disease!”

“Zika is all hype, it’s not real.”

“Guess they will find out, won’t they.” And the Witch is not sorry for Silk. Only for the daughter.

___________________________

The photograph is of another project that is not a boat.

Tendrils

He likes to be the smartest. She doesn’t care and anyhow, people don’t like smart women mostly. Men show it off. Women mask it. She can only partially mask with her professional degree.

He’s pleased to walk on the beach with her. She is withdrawn, down. He can feel that. He does not ask why, ever. She slides neatly into the space his wife’s dementia left. His wife who was also depressed. He does whatever he wants, he’s not available, he won’t be trapped. Control.

She is withdrawn, down. She has a difficult task in a year that might kill her. Closing the clinic and working elsewhere. Maybe she only gets pneumonia when a loved one dies. Or maybe COVID-19 will kill her. There, the range is from make a lot of money to dying. It is hard to explain and people don’t believe her.

Tendrils from her time in the ocean brush him. Then they are longer and lit in the sun. They wrap around him, very slowly. The first after a year. Where the tendrils touch, he has scales.

Neither sees. They are too busy laughing. They are small children, wordplay, in the woods, on the beaches, talking, singing.

She thinks her mermaid self is separate, her dream self. She is safest in the ocean. Her microbiota, gut bacteria, are all from the ocean. Symbiotic. He has land bacteria, at least, he starts with them. They change the longer they are together. He says, β€œI can read your mind!” But he can’t read emotions, since his are locked away. They bang on the dungeon doors howling but his heart is locked there too. His head can’t hear, can’t feel. Only when the small child is out playing.

He is slowly turning green. Now he has a few small leafy tendrils too.

She goes in the sea, the ocean, the unconscious, daily. Unworried, free, happy, healed.

The year goes by. The clinic closes, she has a job.

β€œWhy are you afraid?” He says.

β€œI am afraid I’ll get sick,” she says.

He has tendrils running all over from her. Half his skin has designs, stripes and patterns. The earliest ones have thickened and spread, rooted wherever they touch him, scales edging the roots. She is fully scaled, with the tendrils from fins and tail and hair. She smells of the sea.

She goes to work and is sick after two months. Very very sick with all it entails.

“You didn’t tell me about this!” he says.

“Why would I?” she says. “No one believes me.”

“I am watching and I don’t believe it.” He hates that her mind is unmasked. “I can follow you and it makes sense but you jump topics so fast!”

She shrugs. “Well.”

He tries to cut ties. Once. Twice. He can’t see the tendrils, so how can he cut them? But now she looks from the ocean and sees. The third time he tries, she grabs a shell and slices through the tendrils and dives deep. He could come in the sea. But he will have to choose.

He chooses not to. He thinks she is calling him from the sea. Every day he drinks a little more, smokes a little more, trying to drown the call.

But it isn’t her. The tendrils are his, now. The dungeon is flooded and the monsters and the small child swim in an ocean, fully scaled. They call him daily, to open the door, to let them out, to join them.

To join them in the sea.

________________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: symbiotic.

Sea of love.

Log jam

“Oh, the tulips are lovely! Whose garden is it?”

“That’s a log jam.”

“Log jam? No, I mean the tulips on the log.”

“Log jam. Right guys?”

“Yeah!” “Yes.” “Oh, yeah, that’s a log jam. Don’t you know log jam?”

“You are pulling my leg,” says Trish.

Heads all shake, no, no. “Log jam.” “Yeah, traditional.” Whisper: “She’s from where?”

Trish falls for the furphy, hook, line and tulip, once again.

“Just wait’ll we take you snipe hunting.”

________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: furphy.

The color of fame

I never thought I would be famous. I never thought I’d be a zombie either, but a famous zombie? In demand for murals?

When the zombie illness first hit, hundreds of years ago, we were hunted nearly to extinction. The discrimination was terrible and we were killed in heartless horrific ways. We hid and never ever spoke to humans. We often starved. And the movies that depicted us! We were never saying “Brains!” We were saying “Pains!” And get over the idea that we want to bite you! We don’t. It just hurts so much when we are hidden in the deserts and can’t get food, that we bite in despair. After all, our neurological fine motor skills only work when we are fed. Not with brains but with color! Color, crayons, paints, pencils, glorious and exquisite color.

Doesn’t this pain you too?

Browns and greys and tans and muds. The blue sky helps a little and the yellow of the sign, but any zombie suffers horrifically in this sort of environment. Parts of us start falling off! You think we are rotting, but you humans are wrong so often. You think you know everything.

But we finally managed to communicate! Someone threw their paint cans at us, a graffiti artist, and we were off. He was a mere amateur with color. No one can color like a zombie! The humans are jealous and beg us to teach them. A few have even begged to become zombies, so that they can see color the way we do. No way. We aren’t stupid enough to do that. You’ll just have to keep paying us to paint the beauty that feeds us and that you long for now too!

I am so proud of my art and proud that we zombies have been freed and at last are welcomed by humans.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: colorful.

The previous zombie story is here.