Adverse Childhood Experiences 2: Out on a Limb

We are approaching a seismic shift in psychiatry. I am now going out of a limb to predict the direction we will go in.

The allopathic medical community will resist, including many psychiatrists. But it is the neurobiologists and brain imaging and psychiatrists who will prevail. If the creek don’t rise and we aren’t hit by a giant asteroid, nuclear winter, devolve into fighting over the remaining arable land as the world heats up….

I have been thinking about this all through my career, but especially since the lecture on adverse childhood experiences, which I heard in Washington, DC about ten years ago. I wrote about that lecture on January 6, 2015. The lecturer was a woman. She said that it appeared that the brain formed differently in response to childhood adverse experiences. She said that we don’t yet know what to do with this information.

Staggering understatement. I went from that lecture to one about ADHD. The lecturer was male. He said, “Children diagnosed with ADHD have brains that are different from normal children on PET scans and functional MRIs. We don’t understand this.” He sounded puzzled. I thought, he didn’t go to the previous lecture….

Childhood adverse experiences are scored zero to seven. I score a five. I am at high risk for addiction. I assumed this when I realized at age 19 that my father was an alcoholic and my mother was enabling. I was very very careful about alcohol. I tried pot twice and didn’t like it. I refused to try anything else, and refused benzodiazepines when I was depressed: they are addictive. With an ACE score of five, I am also at higher risk than a person with a score of zero for ALL mental health diagnosis: ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc. People with a score of five had a 60% chance of being diagnosed with depression compared with a 10% chance in people with a score of zero over the life of the study. In the last fourteen years I’ve only been diagnosed with a “grief reaction” which is a temporary reaction to grief. It is also called an adjustment disorder. High adverse childhood experience scores are also at higher risk for morbidity and mortality from heart disease, emphysema, arthritis, basically everything and tend to die younger.

What this means, I think, is that our brains are plastic in utero and in childhood: the wiring is put down in response to the environment. This is adaptation. I have crisis wiring: my mother had tuberculosis when I was conceived and born. Really, from an evolutionary standpoint I AM weird: babies whose mothers had tuberculosis died. Quickly. I was saved because my mother coughed blood one month before I was due. A lot of blood. She thought she had lung cancer and would die. The fetus is bathed in those stress hormones, grief, fear….

I was removed from my mother at birth to save my life. I then was removed from people at 4 months and at 9 months. I grew up trying to be independent and highly suspicious of adults.

I predict that we are going to revamp all of our ideas about mental health. The brain wiring is set up depending on the environment, physical and emotional, that the child grows up in. My friend Johanna was outraged in college when we learned that the fetus and placenta basically take over the hormones of the woman for 9 months. “I’m not letting some baby grow in me and do that!” Johanna said. “I am going to figure out how to implant the pregnancy in a cow. You take good care of the cow and you can drink beer through the whole pregnancy! The cow won’t even notice when the baby falls out!” She has three children, an MD and a PhD in genetics. She did not use a cow.

The brain wiring is an adaptation to the environment. If there is war or domestic violence or addiction or mental health problems, the child’s brain kicks in emergency wiring. This is to help the child survive this childhood. As an adult they are then more at risk for mental health disorders, addiction and physical health disorders.

In the end, the sins of the parents, or the terrible circumstances of the parents, are visited upon the children. We have to take care of the children from the start in order to be healthy.

And people who have low adverse childhood experience scores don’t understand. They grew up with nice people and in a nice environment. They wonder why people can’t just be nice. The fear and grief and suspicion and emotional responses that appear maladaptive in adults, that is what helped people survive their childhoods. That is what I remember each time I see an addict in clinic, or someone who is on multiple psychiatric medicines, or someone who is acting out.

Sleep

Our sleep doctor, a pulmonologist, gave us a wonderful update talk on sleep in early 2009.

He said, “First of all, I hate that blue butterfly.” For those who do not watch tv or read magazines in the United States, the blue butterfly was in advertisements for a sleep medicine.

“The blue butterfly lies,” he said. “Eight hours sleep is NOT normal and NOT average.”

He said the average amount of sleep for an adult is 7.5 hours. Some people need more, some people need less. I need 6 to 6.5 except on the first day of menses, when my body prefers 10-11 hours. Too much information?

“Catching up is a myth.” He said that we don’t catch up on sleep after the first night. I get people all the time in clinic who say that they haven’t slept for a month and “need to catch up.” The first night with a sleep medicine, people catch up some but that is it. After that, their body returns to their average.

Alcohol is bad for sleep. Yes, I know, it makes you fall asleep faster. However, it is not normal sleep and you will wake when it wears off, in 3-5 hours. And you may be a bit jittery and anxious, especially if you have more than 2 drinks a night routinely. Hello, I said that is the alcohol wearing off. Are you partly addicted? Tell me you can’t fall asleep at all without it? Want a pill instead?

Sleep pills are really alcohol in pill form. Really, really, really. We use benzodiazepines — that is, valium, ativan, librium, etc. for alcohol withdrawal because it has the same mechanism of action. In other words, we are substituting the benzo for the alcohol and then withdrawing you more slowly. Withdrawing from heroin or narcotics makes the pain receptors go completely gonzo, but it doesn’t kill you. It just makes you writhe with pain and wish you were dead. Withdrawing from alcohol can cause the blood pressure to go too high and can cause a stroke or seizures and kill you. So how enthusiastic am I about adding that lovely blue butterfly sleep pill to the 3-5 alcoholic drinks that someone has at night? NOT. Gosh, if we get the dose high enough, mix of alcohol and benzodiazepines the person could throw up and drown in their own vomit or just become sedated enough to stop breathing entirely and die, or just enough for brain damage. That’s fun.

And we don’t know if sleep pills are safe long term. Read the fine print. Ambien is tested and approved for use for two weeks. Right. Not 10 years. We don’t know what the hell they do to your brain if you use them for 10 years. One sleep pill has been tested for longer term use: that is, six whole weeks. Sonata. So I am stingy when it comes to sleep pills. I give people 8. Yes, 8, and tell them not to use them more often than once every three days because I am NOT going to give them 30 a month. I am going to give them 8 a month and that with reluctance. That is a conservative approach to long term use. And if they drink anything over 1-2 drinks a night, they have to cut that down first.

“But doctor, I wake up in the night!” And you are between 40 and 60 years old? That would be normal. Yes, I said normal. NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL. Ok, here’s the story. Little babies wake 4-5 times a night, right? Really. Ask any new mom or dad. Eventually they “sleep through the night”. No, actually they don’t really. They still wake 4-5 times a night but they fall back asleep really quickly and without howling. They keep doing this as children, teens, young adults, adults…..and then sometime in the 40-60 year old range the wake up periods get a little longer. And we remember them. It is normal. It is ok. Do not drug it.

“But I can’t go back to sleep.” Ok, here are the sleep hygiene rules. No violent tv or any screen time (yes, that includes computers, you addicts) for the last hour before bed. No caffeine after noon. Bed is for sleeping and sex only. If you want to read, get out of bed. A cushy armchair by the bed is fine, but get out of bed. Sorry, but you asked. Music is ok before bed and so is radio. The visual light in any screen activates weird parts of the brain, so that’s why no screen. Don’t listen to music or radio that sends your blood pressure through the roof. Exercise is best at least 4 hours before you are trying to drop off. A cool bedroom turns out to be better for sleep than a really warm one: turn down the heat and save money. Warm milk actually works.

“But doctor…” Ok, I know, you CAN’T do some part of the above. Do what you can.

“My teenager falls asleep in classes all the time.” Ah, teens are interesting. The brain essentially melts when puberty hits, at around 12, and is done with major hormonal rewiring by age 25. Teens need MORE sleep than kids or adults. 10-12 hours. They are working hard on puberty. Our sleep doctor said that the time the teen wakes up on the weekend indicates their real circadian rhythm. So, if a teen wakes at 1 pm on Saturday and Sunday, and is going to bed at two, that is where their circadian rhythm is set. Of course they are groggy as heck when they get up at 7 and trundle off to school and that history teacher is boring and drones in a monotone. How do we reset the rhythm? It takes time. The teen has to set an alarm on the weekend and get up progressively earlier. And they STILL need 10-11 hours so guess what? If the goal is 7 am, they should be going to bed by 9 pm. “HA, HA, HA, HA!” laughs the parent. Most teens are not getting enough sleep and are not catching up on the weekend. Parents can have influence. The sleep needs start to decrease as teens are entering their 20s.

Also, no screens in kids’ bedrooms. No tv, no computer, and the cell phone stays in another room. Start this with small children. Why? Kids are up texting at 2 am. Or surfing the net. Or watching whatever. It is a good sleep habit to get out of bed if you can’t sleep and go read something or listen to music. Out of bed, not in bed. Set a good example for your kids and get your television out of the bedroom….ok, now you hate our sleep doctor, not me.

What medicines do I use to help people sleep? I don’t like the benzodiazepine related drugs, which is most of the advertised New Fancy Expensive sleep medicines. I do use old medicines: antidepressants in low doses, very low. Trazodone, amitriptyline and nortriptyline. They are cheap and we are actually using the side effect; that is, they make people drowsy. I prescribe at doses way below the theraputic dose for depression.

Geriatrics. Well, it’s a difficult group. It’s not good to make someone drowsy who needs to get up at night twice to urinate and is a bit shaky on their pins and who won’t turn on the light for fear of disturbing someone. If I make them drowsy they trip and then we have a hip fracture. Mostly it is education: yes, they are waking up, maybe more than once and it’s normal. I have had people really cheer up once we’ve had this discussion. Oh, they say, I’m normal. They’ve been confused by that damn blue butterfly.

Sleep well.Moderate your alcohol, caffeine, television, computer, and cell phone; exercise, eat right, drink enough water and put your doctor right out of business. And the blue butterfly too.

revised. previously published on everything2 November 2009

Please allow me to introduce myself

I have joined blogging 101 and missed yesterday’s assignment: to introduce myself.

Hello. I curtsy, but have to look up the spelling, because I spell it curtsey initially. So: I am not a great speller.

Hello. I am a mom, divorced, with two children, one over 21 and in college and one in 11th grade.

I am a rural family doctor.

I had strep A in my lungs and muscles in June and am just now getting permission to return to work part time. I had more time to blog.

I have been writing on everything2 since 2007. My sister started there in 2001 and became an editor. She married a Brit that she met on line. He was a “god” on the site. She was diagnosed with breast cancer between when they were engaged and when they were married. She died in 2012. I only had one sibling.

I write poetry, fiction and non-fiction, the latter mostly about medicine.

I am a madashell doctor, and traveled across the US in 2009 with the Oregon madashell doctors, giving talks about single payer health care, medicare for all. The United States health system is a terrible mess, geared for profit not people. It is amazingly awful and unfair. My sister had all the care in the world because she worked for Cal-trans, so was part of the largest Union on the planet, the California state government union. But she could have worked elsewhere, lost her job, lost her health insurance and died much sooner.

I have a cat and a fish.

I am very interested in the sufis and the zen buddhist teachings and some of my poems reference the Beloved.

Thank you.

http://madashelldoctors.com/

http://everything2.com/

<a href=”http://Blogging U.” title=”Blogging 101: Introduce yourself”>

Adverse Childhood Experiences

I went to a sparsely attended lecture about the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, or ACE Study, in 2005 and it blew my mind. I think that it has the most far reaching implications of any medical study that I’ve read. It makes me feel hopeful, helpless and angry at God.

The lecture was at the American Academy of Family Practice Scientific Assembly. That year, it was in Washington, DC. There are 94,000 plus Family Practice doctors and residents and students in the US, the conference hall had 10,000 seats and the exhibition hall was massive. At the most recent assembly, there were more than 2600 exhibitors.

I try to attend the lectures numbered one through ten, because they are the chosen as the information that will change our practices, studies that change what we understand about medicine.

The ACE Study talk was among the top ten. Yet when I walked in, the attendees numbered in the hundreds, looking tiny in three joined conference rooms that could seat 10,000. The speaker was nervous, her image projected onto a giant screen behind her. My experience has been that doctors don’t like to ask about child abuse and domestic violence: I thought, they don’t want to go to lectures about it either.

The initial part of the study was done at Kaiser Permanante, from 1995-1997, with physicals of 17,000 adults. The adults were given a confidential survey about childhood maltreatment and family dysfunction. A simpler questionnaire is at http://www.acestudy.org/files/ACE_Score_Calculator.pdf, but it is not the one used in the study. Over 9000 adults completed the survey and were given a score of 0-7, their ACE score. This was a score for childhood psychological, physical or sexual abuse, domestic violence, or living in a household with an adult who was a substance abuser, mentally ill or suicidal, or ever imprisoned.

Half of the adults reported a score over 2 and one fourth over 4. The scores were compared with the risk factors for “the leading causes of death in adult life”. They found a graded relationship between the scores and each of the adult risk factors studied. That is, an increase in addiction: tobacco, alcohol and drugs. An increase in the likelihood of depression and suicide attempt. And an increase in heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease, fractures and liver disease. The risk of alcoholism, drug addiction and depression was increased four to twelve times for a score of four or more.

The speaker said that the implications were that the brain was much more malleable in childhood than anyone realized. She said that much of the addictive behaviors and poor health behaviors of adults could be self-medication and self-care attempts as a result of the way the brain tried to learn to cope with this childhood damage.

I left the lecture stunned. How do I help heal an adult who is smoking if part of it is related to childhood events? From there I went to a lecture about ADHD, where the speaker said that MRIs and PET scans were showing that children with ADHD had brains that looked different from children without ADHD. I thought that speaker should have come to the other lecture. And I did not much like my ACE score, though it does explain some things.

I feel hopeful because we can’t address a problem until we recognize it.

I feel helpless because I still do not know what to do. The World Health Organization has used the ACE Study in their Preventing Child Maltreatment monograph from 2006. But it is not very cheerful either: “There is thus an increased awareness of the problem of child maltreatment and growing pressure on governments to take preventive action. At the same time, the paucity of evidence for the effectiveness of interventions raises concerns that scarce resources may be wasted through investment in well-intentioned but unsystematic prevention efforts whose effectiveness is unproven and which may never be proven.”

Do I do ACE scores on my patients? With the new Washington State opiate law, we do a survey called the Opiate Risk Tool. It includes parental addiction in scoring the person’s risk of opiate addiction. But not the rest of the ACE test. At this time, I don’t do ACE scores on my adult patients. I don’t like to do tests where I don’t know what to do with the results. “Wow, you have a high score, you will probably die early,” does not seem very helpful. But I remain hopeful that knowledge can lead to change. And it makes me more gentle with my smoking patients, my addicted patients, the depressed, the heart patient who will not exercise.

I am angry at God, because it seems as if the sins of the fathers ARE visited upon the children. It is the most vulnerable suffering children who are most damaged. That does not seem fair. It makes me cry. I would rather go to hell then to the heaven of a God who organized this. I stand with the Bodhisattva, who will not leave until every sufferer is healed.

1. ACE study   http://www.cdc.gov/ace/about.htm

2. American Academy of Family Practice   http://www.aafp.org/events/assembly.html

3. ACE questionaire   http://www.cdc.gov/ace/questionnaires.htm

4. Score correlation with health in adults   http://www.ajpmonline.org/article/PIIS0749379798000178/abstract

5. WHO preventing child mistreatment   http://whqlibdoc.who.int/publications/2006/9241594365_eng.pdf

6. Washington State Opiate Law   http://www.agencymeddirectors.wa.gov/

7. Opiate Risk Tool   http://www.partnersagainstpain.com/printouts/Opioid_Risk_Tool.pdf

First published on everything2 November 2011.

Influenza alert!

My small clinic has only been open again with our wonderful Megan Bailey, PAC, for a month, but we’ve already seen two people with influenza. And that is seeing less then ten people daily.

Please get your influenza shot. Yes, it doesn’t cover all of the strains, but most years it covers 80%. And initially Washington was seeing influenza B but now it’s influenza A and that has better coverage.

Remember that the vaccine takes up to two weeks to provide immunity. Consider wearing a mask if you have to go on an airplane — our second patient with influenza had gotten off an airplane that day. If you get a cold within one or weeks of getting the influenza vaccine, that is not caused by the vaccine. You are still at risk for influenza as well, especially the first two weeks.

If you have influenza, stay home and try not to expose other people. If you have frail or elderly or sick family, or very young children in the family, make sure that you get to the doctor early and see if prophylactic treatment is needed for household members who are exposed. If you are in the doctor’s office with any upper respiratory symptoms, put on a mask. That way you will not infect and potentially kill other patients.

Here is the CDC weekly influenza surveillance map: http://www.cdc.gov/flu/weekly/usmap.htm

You can watch it change color as the influenza crosses the country from east to west.

Please take care and Happy New Year!

The picture is the Solstice sunrise outside my house…

A Dose of Reality

gpicone's avataripledgeafallegiance

This just in! According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention Influenza levels in the U.S. have hit β€œepidemic” levels and are continuing to rise! So much for the Ebola frenzy and media scare from earlier this year even though Fox News still has their Ebola map and timeline updating live on their website with 19,570 cases worldwide. However, They even have an influenza outbreak map up now for the United States…it’s basically just a map of the U.S. colored completely red…because the flu, unlike Ebola, is everywhere! And can affect anywhere from 5 to 20% of the total U.S. population…annually!

Already this year the proportion of deaths reported in 122 American cities from flu and pneumonia so far has surpassed the typical level for late December at 6.8 percent which is the β€œepidemic threshold” set by the federal health agency. That means that 6.8% of all those who…

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Say yes

In the improv tryout
for Lark in the Park
Joey said

Say β€œyes” to everything

He said

It is easier to say β€œno”
But then the improv ends

He made us try
Saying β€œno” to everthing

Each skit was a fight

He made us try
Saying β€œyes” to everything

Yes

We bloomed

And is that it?
All the Beloved wants?

He said that you learn
To say things
Without a question
With a hint
With an idea
With a suggestion
And the other actor responds

I’ve noticed
People don’t respond well
When I say
Don’t do that

I have to learn
To lead
Without leading
To suggest
To let them choose
To change their path
It doesn’t work
To drive them
Offer
Offer
Another idea

Say β€œyes” to everything

Is that what the Beloved wants?

I say β€œyes”
β€œyes”

published on everything2 August 2009

Fraud in medicine: Diabetic supplies

There is a subtle ongoing fraud in diabetic supplies for diabetic patients and especially medicare patients.

The fraud is in the paperwork. An order form will arrive for me to sign for Mr. Smith. I read the fine print and it says that all of the supplies on the form will be renewed for Mr. Smith, unless something is crossed out. It lists six supplies: lancets to draw blood, strips for the glucose machine, a new glucometer, a new lancet machine and control solution to check that the machine is working correctly.

This is all good and necessary, right? Maybe.

I call Mr. Smith and say, “What do you need?”

“I just need lancets,” says Mr. Smith. “That’s what I asked the company to refill.” He is wondering why I called, because he only asked for lancets.

I cross everything out but the lancets: because that is where the fraud lies. Mr. Smith only renewed his prescription for the lancets, but the medical supply company knows exactly what interval medicare and the other insurances will pay for all of the supplies. They want me to sign a blanket order and then they will send Mr. Smith a new glucometer every time medicare allows, whether he wants and needs it or not. So if you have visited a parent or family member and wondered why they have a closet or a drawer full of some medical equipment, that is why. The doctor did not read the fine print and signed a blanket order and the patient is getting more equipment than they need or want. This is waste and it costs us all money.

Another fraud in diabetic supplies is in getting the first glucometer. I was taught to send the patient to the [diabetic educator] where they would get a “free” glucometer. However, now I tell them to check their local pharmacy instead. The “free” glucometers have the most expensive strips and lancets, and diabetics are supposed to check blood sugar at least once a day. If the strip costs one dollar, that adds up. The pharmacy often has a house brand where the strips and lancets are less expensive. I give the patient the choice. Most of them choose the house brand.

One diabetic equipment company got a hold of one of my patients and wouldn’t let go. They sent paperwork to me saying that they needed every note back to the date that I had prescribed his equipment and copies of his blood sugar records. I wrote them a letter, saying, “I am sending the notes, but I don’t photo copy the patient’s blood sugar records. You are being unreasonable. My notes contain the records I made about his blood sugars.” The company is in Florida and the patient is in Washington. The company kept demanding the notes, all the way back to the first visit, every two months. After we sent them twice, we sent a letter saying, “We already sent those twice. We’re not doing it again.” They continued to fax renewals. I talked to the patient. He wanted them gone too, because they kept calling him and wanting to send him more supplies. I called them. They did not desist. I sent them a letter and tried calling medicare fraud. The medicare fraud department said, “Call the company.” Now we just shred anything they send us, including the threatening notes saying that medicare will be after me.

The diabetic supplies aren’t terribly expensive, but when there are millions of diabetic people, this adds up. Also, most physicians are so busy that they sign papers without reading all that fine print and don’t have time to check what the patient really needs. And the companies are targeting the frail, sick and elderly, though many diabetics are otherwise healthy. I think it is a shameful scam to have a person call a company and say “I need more lancets,” and then to try to send them more of everything. Isn’t that illegal? It should be, to fill prescriptions that have not been renewed. I am tired of seeing more and more clearly how our United States medical system is a system to make money any way possible, and morals don’t matter, and it has nothing to do with people’s health.

http://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/data/statistics/2014statisticsreport.html
29.1 million diabetics in the US
21.0 million diabetics diagnosed in the US

published on everything2 on November 26, 2014 and on Sermo today

Lammily doll

Barbie has competition this Christmas.

Nickolay Lamm took measurements of the average American 19 year old female off the CDC website, made a 3D model and then dressed her like a Barbie.

The images went viral and he used crowdfunding to fund making the dolls, which will hit the stores for 24.99. Right now my QFC grocery store has a small pile of Christmas offerings, including a Barbie dressed in pink, all gussied up for breast cancer treatment fundraising. My sister, who died of breast cancer in 2012,Β  was hugely frustrated that most of the breast cancer money goes to treatment and not prevention, so I haven’t bought one. But the Barbie costs $19.99, so 24.99 is reasonable.

And second graders like her. A video of children at a private school responding to the doll shows them saying that she looks like a family member and that she looks real. Her hair is softer than Barbie’s too, judging by the video. I wondered why a private school was used, but perhaps it’s about permission. Or something.

It is interesting that Mr. Lamm talks about average being beautiful. “She is fit, strong and wears minimal makeup. She promotes a healthy lifestyle.” We could argue lots about Big Brother pushing everyone to be average, but I like the message that the average body is fine and can have fun and can be a doll. Barbie is impossible, everyone knows that. I cut out the article from the AARP magazine about Barbie turning 50. It contains a very interesting list of when the doll got to do different jobs. Teacher, nurse, doctor, multiracial, Army Barbie, astronaut….. It made me feel better about Barbie: her body is ludicrous but she has quietly moved into different careers over the years. It made me proud of her.

There have been other attempts to create a more realistic doll than Barbie… I have one of the Get Real Girls, the camper. She has a back pack, a sleeping bag, a camp stove, a GPS, socks and hiking boots, shorts and a t-shirt. I like her but she is still not the average American female. She’s more privileged. We had the basketball one too but apparently the evil introverted thinker and extroverted feeler blew up a lot of dolls with firecrackers one Fourth of July….. only the camper has survived. She was mine. Also the Barbie twin babies, now orphans, and quite a lot of pink furniture.

The male dolls, that is, action figures, got blown up too. If Lammily is successful, will we have a male average doll? I will bet that that takes longer. I have enjoyed the action figures such as the librarian action figure and the Sigmund Freud action figure. For his graduation from nursing school, I got my Ex a male nurse action figure. He thought the doll was ridiculously great.

And me? I want a Lammily doll for Christmas. No, really. When Demi Moore appeared very pregnant on the cover of Vanity Fair, I went to buy one. I wondered why I wanted one, until the man at the checkout spoke up: “Women shouldn’t be seen like that.”

“Like what?” I said.

“That.”

“Pregnant?”

“Yeah. They should stay inside. They shouldn’t be seen like that.”

Oh. That’s why I wanted to buy it. Images of women pregnant and a beautiful woman pregnant are evil. I still have it, that evil magazine…..

Lammily: https://lammily.com/
Mr. Lamm: http://patch.com/new-jersey/oceancity/barbie-gets-competition-bruised-and-scarred-lammily-watch
Get Real Girl: https://www.behance.net/gallery/3590013/STARTUP-GET-REAL-GIRL-ACTION-DOLL-LINE
Get Real Girl Nini: http://www.amazon.com/Get-Real-Girl-Backpacking-Adventure/sim/B0018L29NG/2

Barbie turns 50:http://assets.aarp.org/www.aarp.org_/articles/bulletin/interactive/barbie/index.html

Librarian action figure: http://mcphee.com/shop/librarian-action-figure.html

Sigmund Freud action figure: http://mcphee.com/shop/sigmund-freud-action-figure.html

male nurse action figure: http://www.amazon.com/Nurse-Action-Figure-Stethoscope-Clipboard/dp/B0006FU9ZK

first published on everything2 this morning.

Homebody

How funny that the traditional positions are reversed

you to be the homebody
while I go out to fight

I am still struggling with what you have chosen

say yes to everything

because so much of the time you don’t answer

I take that as a brush off, you know
silencing
you don’t want to hear it
you don’t want to discuss it

you have your interests

I am interested in everything

but particularly people
what makes them tick

and discrimination
which makes me want to wade in
with my sword
and carve people into mincemeat

perhaps I am to learn patience from you

perhaps this is a respite

perhaps this is a safe place to retreat

you have been fighting for a long time
I am glad that you have laid down your sword
and are finding rest

though sometimes I think you are missing things
withdrawn from the present world

I see that you seem happy in the past

I am trying to accept that

meanwhile, I am well enough

to pick my sword back up

and wade in.