Tag Archives: outdoors

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See

Elkill
I am filled with joy!
It is still dark out, early
I remember lighting a candle for you
and putting it on the porch
when we were friends
and you would come over early

I loved those times
you were a wonderful friend

but now I know what I want
wanted from you
and from others
in the past

I want to be seen and loved

I want to be seen and loved
deeply
all of me
the dark parts too
all on me

and that is why
I could love you
and my patients
and even people who hurt me
because

most people are afraid
to be seen
seen and loved
deeply
the flaws, the sad parts, the broken bits
all of it

Elkill
I am filled with joy
I know what I want
I want to be seen and loved
deeply

I do not think it will happen
on this earth with a human
though I am open, open

But the Beloved sees me
the Beloved sees me
deeply
and loves all of me
the flaws, the sad parts, the broken bits
all of me

Thank you
for helping me see you
for helping me see
what I want

I am filled with joy!

_________________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: bedazzle.

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Thanks

And no thanks do I get
for thirty years in medicine
for thirty years of rural work
for working alone without a net
not a whisper from officials

The thanks I get are on the street
in the shops, at live music
at Gallery Walk, at thrift stores
walking through town, from friends
from patients or spouses or mothers or fathers
who thank me and update me

Thank you, Beloved, for my odd career
for leading me rural, leading me to primary care
endless learning daily and people
they are all interesting, all different
all have depths that none would guess
all of your beautiful people, Beloved

Thank you for all of it

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: tiara.

This is one of those poems where I started grumpy and did not know where it was going until it went there. The light at the end of the tunnel photograph is on the Metro in Washington, DC last week.

Tiaras probably quality as stuff.

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We change

In clinic, a very common complaint was, “My body has changed!” This was often with shock or annoyance or betrayal. Weight up, a knee hurting, headaches, menses behaving badly as menopause approached, gentlemen with their own problems.

My muscles are getting stronger but are really grumpy. I am starting to rebuild muscle and endurance but my muscles and joint complain. I think that pain is the pain of wisdom. I am clearly very very wise, if that pain is wisdom pain. It feels better to frame it as wisdom than as “Oh, I am old.” Also it’s fun to watch people when I say, “My wisdom is really acting up today.” They get a funny look on their faces.

Medicine changes all the time too. Isn’t that a little unsettling? Science changes, ideas change, frames change. A treatment that I used 15 years ago would not be done for the same problem now. And we can treat hepatitis B and C! Hepatitis C was still named “Non A, non B hepatitis” back when I was in residency in the early 1990s. Hoorah for some things getting better.

It’s been interesting watching the changing ideas about Long Covid. Over the last year they’ve said, “Better in nine months.” “Mostly better by a year.” “Better by two years, mostly.” Also the estimates of people affected in the US have ranged from 3% to 7.4%. There is not even agreement about the definition, with the CDC talking about symptoms staying present after four weeks. Meanwhile the World Health Organization says, “It is defined as the continuation or development of new symptoms 3 months after the initial SARS-CoV-2 infection, with these symptoms lasting for at least 2 months with no other explanation.” Here: https://www.who.int/europe/news-room/fact-sheets/item/post-covid-19-condition. CDC here: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/long-term-effects/index.html.

I hope that we vote grown ups into office. I hope we aren’t tempted by the childish want to be dictators who say, “I can fix anything, I can do what I want, I am so great. I can make YOU great too.” I think the pandemic was very frightening and the temptation is to try to hide in an imaginary past or freeze the future or think that if we make everyone behave a certain way, no further pandemics will come. I do not think that will work, people. Vote for adults.

The photograph is from the US Botanic Gardens. Here is the model, inside:

The sculpture faces are over each arch. Here is a close up.

I think the carved face will last the longest, then probably me, then the one on the model. The model looks like it would be delicious for various smaller creatures.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: change.

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Knit one pearl two

“Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver but the other gold.” My parents taught me that round. We sang lots of rounds growing up.

What does the picture have to do with knitting? I knit the hat! I got to hike with old friends from the 1980s last week. They are old friends, not old! Well, we might be getting a little grey.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: knit.