Category Archives: rural doctor

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Not immune

I am attending multiple Zoom conferences on Long Covid and Chronic Fatigue and PANS/PANDAS and fibromyalgia. The speakers are talking hard science, digging in to the immune system to figure out what is wrong. Then they can find a drug to fix it.

Maybe it doesn’t need to be fixed. I think the immune system is smarter than we are and it knows that Covid-19 is a really really bad virus. What the immune system wants is to keep from getting any other infections so it shuts us down. It hits the chronic fatigue button, so we stay home or in bed. It hits the fibromyalgia button so that it hurts to move: we stay home or in bed. It hits the PANS button so that antibodies seriously change our behavior and we stay home or in bed. Anyone see a theme here? I think that the immune “over-response” is not an over-response. It’s not broken. It is trying to reduce exposure and just maybe we should pay attention. I thought that in residency, in the early 1990s, when chronic fatigue patients would interview me to see if I “believed” in chronic fatigue. Heck yeah, I said, but I don’t know what it is or how to fix it. My chronic fatigue patients had something in common: they were all either working 12-14 hour days continuously when they crashed, or they overworked and had insane stress, deaths of loved ones, car wrecks, accused of a crime, something horrible. The workers all wanted “to get back to where I was.” I would ask, “You want to work 12-14 hours a day again?” “Yes!” they’d say, “I want to be just like I was in the past!” “Um, but that’s what crashed you. Do you think maybe your body is not up to that?” “FIX ME.” I would try to improve things, but fix them back to what crashed them? No way and anyhow, that is not really sane.

There are some levels of illness where we have to intervene. In really bad PANDAS, antibodies to the brain are followed by macrophages that destroy brain cells. I was horrified and wanted to run around screaming “NOT MY BRAIN!” when I heard that. Then I thought, don’t be silly, I am in my 60s and if I had brain eating cells it would have happened by now. I consider myself really really lucky to have the mildest version. At least, that’s what it seems to be. (Officially we don’t believe in PANS or PANDAS in adults in the US but we do in Europe and Canada. Ironic.) With that version, especially in children, I am all for intervention, as soon as possible. And it’s not that I do not think we should intervene in these illnesses. I just think we need to step back and think a little and just maybe listen to our bodies and listen to the immune system. Slow down. Breathe. Watch some stupid cat videos. Whatever makes you relax and laugh. Reduce stress. Limit stupid hyper news to 15 minutes a day and not before bed, ok? Reduce the drama.

I am liking movies less and less. The drama bugs and bores me. I might last an hour. I have nearly quit going to our downtown movie house because it’s always “moving” and art films. Bleagh, drama. Also when it’s about illness or addiction, I want to argue with it. Easy lying endings which are nothing like reality. I like cartoons and sometimes superheroines, but it’s all drama too. I am tired of people behaving badly and don’t want to watch it on tv or a movie. There’s enough for me in the real world. I think it’s time to bring back musicals. I would watch them. Maybe. My father’s last movie was Blazing Saddles. He refused to ever go to another movie. I think I understand that now.

None of us are immune to stress or immune to infection. A person might be immune to Covid-19, or they might be immune until the tenth or hundredth strain shows up. I chose Family Practice for my specialty because I wanted to have children and be able to see them. I thought about Obstetrics-Gynecology or General Surgery, because I loved babies and loved surgery, but the Ob-Gyn residency was 4 years and General Surgery was 7 years and I was starting medical school five years out of college. Choose the more flexible and portable specialty and go rural.

Doctors and nurses are burning out because hospitals and administrators “maximize production”. Hospitals and administrators are stupid and destroying medicine. It’s not about money, it’s about helping people and science and healing. Having it be about money is soul-destroying and causes moral injury to any ethical provider. If we’d prefer unethical ones, keep on the present path. Otherwise we need single payer health care so that any physician or nurse can take care of whoever shows up. The system is breaking down more and more and it is hard to watch. Another nail of stress in the coffin of ethical medicine. I suppose when enough people die, change will come.

My working theory is that anyone can get one of these immune system illnesses: chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, PANS/PANDAS and so forth. Medicine says that Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, antibodies to the thyroid is the most common autoimmune disorder, but that may change. The evidence is mounting that Long Covid and these other “vague” illnesses are immune system shifts. Immune systems in “Code Red”, let’s not catch anything else. Are they an illness or are they our immune system trying to keep us quiet to protect us? I think the latter. Time may tell. I am listening to the science and listening to my body, both.

The photographs are from 2016, when a flock appeared in my yard. They demanded money to be moved to the next house.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: fiddlesticks. Oh, fiddlesticks, we have to figure out the very very complicated immune system. Or listen to it.

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Parenting, eagle style

This disheveled bird is an immature bald eagle. They take 5 years to gain the fully white head and tail. This one has a parent along.

The parent has better grooming habits. They are both in a tree at Fort Worden.

Sometimes I can spot them from a long way off.

And then it’s lovely to have a zoom lens.

And what is this eagle parent saying to their offspring?

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: eagle.

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Lungs, again

I saw the pulmonologist from Swedish Hospital last week and am still thinking about the visit.

My lung function on the pulmonary function tests did not change much from December. He gives me an inhaler, with a steroid and a long acting bronchodilator, two puffs twice a day. I use it for one day in December and promptly get Covid-19 mildly. I then ignored the inhaler until I talk to him in March. He says, “Use it for two months and we will see if your lungs improve.” I try it in March and get a cold, not Covid, within a day. I try it again in April and get a cold within two days. I then ignore the inhaler.

But at the end of March I start feeling a lot better and my fast twitch muscles start working again. I would get very tired and stiff when I use them. They are “back” but are very weak. I wanted to know if my lung testing improved too, but it didn’t. So what is going on here? I feel better but the lung studies are not better.

The pulmonologist says, “Well, the infections are probably coincidence.” Yeah, um, well, three for three. “But, if it’s not asthma, it could be bronchiectasis.” He asks when I did the methacholine test, negative, gold standard for asthma. I did it in 2014. Negative along with allergy testing.

I don’t know much about bronchiectasis. Mostly that it’s not asthma and not chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. It may be the garbage can that holds obstructive disorders that don’t fit either of those categories.

“Bronchiectasis means what?” I say. He says, “Usually there is a lot of coughing and mucous.” Nope. Well, I cough a lot with pneumonia and with colds if I don’t rest, but rarely cough anything up. “The test is a chest CT but we can’t do anything about it if you have it, so I don’t know if you want to do a CT.”

“If there’s nothing to do, then I don’t want one.” Because repeated CT scans increase cancer risk, way more so then an x-ray. I ask about work. “I still get really fatigued, and my muscles are recovering. If I am stronger at the end of the summer, I would think about work, but how would I protect my lungs?”

“Mask.” he says. “An N95 all the time would maybe help. We don’t really know.”

Ugh. We agree that I will see him in October. If my fatigue level stays where it is now, returning to work even half days is going to be too high risk, I think. I am liable to get pneumonia AGAIN and this time I might get stuck on oxygen. Or die, which I’d rather not right now.

I am reading about bronchiectasis. The Mayo Clinic doesn’t have an entry for it, though it has clinical trials and a special clinic. That would support it being a garbage can diagnosis. I am reading on Wikipedia, here, not my usual medical resource. Brochiectasis can particularly be caused by tuberculosis, mycobacterial illness. They distinguish cystic fibrosis bronchiectasis from non-cystic fibrosis bronchiectasis and other infections can cause it. Influenza, streptococcus, um, yeah, the infections I’ve had. I do not have cystic fibrosis or the alpha-1-antitrypsis disorder. And there is another disorder listed, a genetic one where the cilia don’t work right. Primary ciliary diskinesia. I don’t have that either, but my working diagnosis is PANS, with antibodies that screw up my cilia and fast twitch muscles. And that would put my lungs at risk for pneumonia.

So, says a friend, what do you need to take?

Nothing, I say. It means I have to keep stress down, be in a parasympathetic state instead of fight or flight sympathetic state, and stay the heck away from sick people. Oh, and mask on airplanes and probably avoid huge crowd things. Jazz Fest, big music festivals, riots, wars, etc. Exercise, eat right, don’t drink too much alcohol, don’t smoke anything, don’t do stupid things. Try not to get tuberculosis.

And still, I am doing well. The treatment for really bad bronchiectasis is lung transplant. I am still quite mild after four pneumonias and the kid illnesses and mononucleosis and colds and so forth. I do not cough all the time and am off oxygen. It’s looking less likely that I could return to work in person, though I don’t know about internet. It really depends on my energy level, what that does. Darn it. Uncertainty, isn’t it hella annoying? Oh, well, I am pretty used to it by now.

And that’s the lung news.

I can always hide in my tree house. But the food and water supply there is not so good.

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Unvitiated

Wondering why vitiate
ads from drinking carbonate
seems a loaded silly freight
puzzle future centuries late
time foils stupid race hate
future can’t tell the state
from all attempts to carbon date

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For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: vitiate.

I look for songs with the word vitiate: pretty much heavy metal. Let’s go with this song instead:

We sang the lullaby in our last concert. It is gorgeous. Unvitiated.

I took the photograph this month at Kai Tai Lagoon.

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Sherbet skies

We sail on a jaunt into sherbet skies.
The water is gold, the wind is light.
The sky changes color and charms our eyes.
The light is gold sliding into the night.
The boat glides through the water with gentle ease.
Light hand on the tiller, our wake lights up.
We pass peaches and cherries and crackers and brie,
pour tea into each other’s cups.
It’s cooling off so we sit very close.
Phosphorescent creatures trail behind.
Warming each other as we steer the boat.
Darkness falls and we don’t mind.
The sherbet skies call us out to roam
But we are ready to come about towards home.

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For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: jaunt.

Hoping for more peace and tolerance on Juneteenth.

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The work of disability

I look up the CDC website to see how many people are disabled. The CDC says that 27% of adults in the US have a disability. Yes, that is one in four. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/disabilityandhealth/infographic-disability-impacts-all.html.

I find being disabled to be a ton of work.

I think the view of disability in the US is often people who sit at home and have money thrown at them from the government.

This is not so, not so, no, no, no.

In clinic a patient needs a new socket for his artificial leg, having had a cancer amputation. He is an expert still working in disability exams, so we do a visit where he dictates much of my note, because in order to get a new socket, medicare requires very specific information in the clinic note. We also have notes from physical therapy and his occupational therapist and the company that makes the sockets. Why does he need a new one? He has lost weight and the old one doesn’t fit any more so he can’t walk securely.

Even so, I think it took six months and we kept redoing versions of the paperwork.

Another patient needs a new electric wheelchair. That one takes a year of repeating insistence and paperwork.

After my March 2021 pneumonia, I am disabled, which pisses me off. I like my work. It’s unclear how long I will be on oxygen and since we’ve been working on a diagnosis besides “gets pneumonia super easily” since 2003, it’s hard to predict the trajectory. I don’t know if I will be on oxygen permanently. It is exhausting to drag myself to physician visits, in four different hospital systems. Oh, and a patient can apply for patient assistance with the finances, but then all four have different paperwork. I am sick as snot and have to try to keep track of the bills from four systems and four sets of on line passwords and where is the stupid appointment? Edmonds? Seattle? Bremerton? Augh. The fatigue that accompanies the pneumonia makes it hard to cook, hard to clean, hard to comprehend bills, exhausting to make phone calls. Anyone want to trade? I’ll work and you can be disabled?

My disability company requires paperwork too, lots of it, and my taxes, and there is a long list of rules that I reread periodically. I needed an attorney to sort out the rules, since the disability company won’t answer my questions.

Now I am off oxygen and better, though still dogged by fatigue. I think that is probably permanent, but then I sometimes hope it’s just that I am finally rebuilding muscle, since the fast twitch muscles didn’t work for two years. They are a bit recalcitrant now.

And I am not in a wheelchair, have not had an amputation, am not in a rehab. If you have to take buses in your wheelchair everywhere, need two people and a crane to get you out of bed into the wheelchair, have to use a computer to talk for you, imagine. Anyone who thinks disability is easy money is insane.

It’s not clear if I can return to work. I might get pneumonia number five, which would probably take me out. No one knows how to lessen my risk. And I don’t have the energy and do not know if I will.

All the unknowns and unclears and we don’t knows. No one is disabled for easy money because it’s a job trying to get well or trying to survive it. And yet, I am happy to be alive and even to be able to dance some! Dance on!