Tough cat

Sol Duc is quite a cat. The other morning I let her into the fenced back yard. I went back in to get my tea.

There is a knock at the front door. I open it and there is Sol Duc. “Meow!” which I hear as “Mom, I’m not supposed to be in front of the house without you.”

She comes in and I take my tea to the back. Oh.

Yes, I see the problem. She went into the neighbor’s yard and then around to the front. But she didn’t run off, she knocked. Apparently the storm was pretty hard on the fence.

This morning, after two days of rain, there were lots of small frogs singing to the sunrise in the man made run off space across the street. There is about a foot of water in it and the small frogs were all singing to their true loves. They continued to sing as the sun rose. Guess they better make hay while the pond is present, or something like that.

Sol Duc is a tough cat and smart. I think she still misses Elwha too, especially when I am at work, but she is careful not to run off.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: tough.

Adverse Childhood Experiences 15: Guidelines

I wrote Adverse Childhood Experiences 14: Hope quite a while ago.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has a guideline that physicians should introduce and screen for Adverse Childhood Experiences. The American Academy of Family Practice is skeptical, here: https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2014/1215/p822.html. Here are two more writeups: https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2020/0701/p55.html and https://www.aafp.org/pubs/fpm/blogs/inpractice/entry/screen_for_aces.html.

It is difficult to screen for ACE scores for the same reason that it is difficult to screen for domestic violence and to talk about end of life plans. These are difficult topics and everyone may be uncomfortable. Besides, what can we DO about it? If growing up in trauma wires someone’s brain differently, what do we do?

I don’t frame it as the person being “damaged”. Instead, I bring up the ACE score study and say that first I congratulate people for surviving their childhood. Good job! Congratulations! You have reached adulthood! Now what?

With a high ACE score comes increased risk of addictions (all of them), mental health diagnoses (same) and chronic disease. Is this a death sentence? Should we give up? No, I think there is a lot we can do. I frame this as having “survival” brain wiring instead of “Leave it to Beaver” brain wiring. The need to survive difficulties and untrustworthy adults during childhood can set up behavior patterns that extend into adulthood. Are there patterns that we want to change and that are not serving us as adults?

This week a person said that they blow up too easily. Ah, that is one that I had to work on for years. Medical training helps but also learning that anger often covers other feelings: grief, fear, shame. I had to work to uncover those feelings and learn to feel them instead of anger. Anger can function as a boundary in childhood homes where there are not adult role models, or where the adults behave one way when sober and an entirely different way when impaired and under the influence. There may be lip service to behave a certain way but if the adult doesn’t behave, it is pretty confusing. And then the adult may not remember or be in denial or try to blame someone else, including the child, for “causing” them to be impaired.

What if someone had a “normal” childhood but the trauma all hit as a young adult? I think adults can have trauma that changes the brain too. PTSD in non-military is most often caused by motor vehicle accidents. At least, that is what I was told in the last PTSD talk I went to. Now that overdose deaths have overtaken motor vehicle accidents as the top death by accident yearly in the US, I wonder if having a fentenyl death in the family causes PTSD. Certainly it causes trauma and grief and anger and shame.

I agree with the American Academy of Pediatrics that we should screen for Adverse Childhood Experiences. We need training in how to talk about it and how to respond. I have had people tell me that their childhood was fine and then later tell me that one or both parents were alcoholics. The “fine” childhood might not have been quite as fine as reported initially. One of the hallmarks of addiction families is denial: not happening, we don’t talk about it, everything is fine. Maybe it is not fine after all. If we can learn to talk to adults about the effects on children and help people to change even in small ways, I have hope that we will help children. We can’t prevent all trauma to children, but we can mitigate it. All the ACE scores rose during the Covid pandemic and we are still working on how to help each other and ourselves.

Here is another article: https://www.aafp.org/pubs/fpm/issues/2019/0300/p5.html.

Blessings.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: open wound.

The photograph is one of Elwha’s cat art installations. He would pile toys on his bowl. Two bowels because I need to keep out the little ants. Sol Duc would do it too but not as often. I fed them in separate rooms. They would pile things on the bowl whether there was food left or not.

Elwha is still missing, sigh. That is a wound. The photographs are from March 2023.

Polka dot yard

Many of the yards here have weed cloth and then rocks. Sometimes this surrounds a patch of grass and sometimes it doesn’t. There are lots of early morning automatic sprinklers.

This morning my cat Sol Duc encountered a toad in our yard. This is the first toad she has met. She was quite interested but was not sure what to do with it. It hopped when she sniffed it or when she poked it with a paw. I thought it was not going to turn out well for the toad but then the sprinklers came on. The toad had a reprieve.

The photograph is another yard. These people are creative with their rocks!

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: polka dots.

Gauging fossils

I like to think about various men
My mind wanders engaging in theory
I have no urge to date again
Getting to know you makes me weary
My husbands welcome seemed less than more
Coming home I felt alone
Now I’m welcomed at the door
I am happy: my cat is home
I like men best now in the abstract
My imagination is a happy place
Real life ones really don’t attract
I am au courant with “leave no trace”
My daughter dismisses the men near my age
Misogynist fossils is how they are gauged

_____________________

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: trophy.

Moving

Sol Duc and I moved yesterday. The place we were in was billed as having a kitchen. It has a refrigerator, dishwasher, sink and microwave. NO STOVE! AUGH! I could check out a hot plate with one frying pan. I would describe this as a fast food kitchen. Ugh. I like to COOK. I also found a nice farm stand and bought a bunch of vegetables. The farmer said, “Thank your parents for raising you right with vegetables.” Heh. I will go back.

We are now in a small house, at the western edge of Grand Junction, with two bedrooms! Now my daughter can visit again. Sol Duc worried about the ceiling fans and hid under the bed for most of the day. This morning the fans are off and she is exploring. We have a fenced yard, though she won’t go out without harness, leash and me. We are in the southwestern corner of the development and there is another development across the street. It only has three houses, so we have lots of area to wander around. This am we are out at 5 am and can hear roosters from the farm kitty corner to us. And cows. We have a fabulous view of the mesas to the south and west and we are no longer surrounded by parking lot and highways. The local Coloradans seem to really love their pickups and especially loud ones. The valley acts like a bowl and highway sound travels a long way.

We both miss Elwha. Sol Duc was fairly panicked when I loaded the car and put her in the crate. I think she was afraid we were going to drive for three days again. She likes the house though and came out to purr last night. This morning she is exploring. I am keeping the second bedroom closed since my daughter doesn’t do very well with fur.

We still hope that Elwha turns up. Come back, Elwha!

I will go finish checking out today. I had to have Sol Duc out of the room we were in twice a week for an hour, so that they could come in to clean. That was fairly stressful for both of us. The instructions they gave us were confusing and it was eight days before they explained the rules. Which did not match the written rules. Anyhow, I am OUT OF THERE. Some of the staff were really nice. Others, well.

I had more stuff to move than when I arrived, all food. The new place is great though built for tall people. I am not tall. I am now on the lookout for a desk, because all the chair/table heights are wrong for me. I will ask the rental folks first.

My Ex and I used to dance to Saffire, way back in Richmond when I was in medical school. Fabulous and here is a song about rising.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: rise.

Blanket

I did not bring a quilt on this trip. I brought two favorite blankets instead. This is the Pendleton wool throw. At home I use it for couch naps. Elwha loved to snuggle under it with me.

The second is a fleece blanket that the cats like to snuggle up to at night.

And on the blanket? Mouse and squirrel.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: quilt!

View

I took this somewhere along the 1217 mile trip with two cats from Port Townsend, Washington, to Grand Junction, Colorado. Idaho, I think. This a view rest stop as I drove up out of a valley.

Elwha and Sol Duc weren’t too sure about the trip. We started with them in the back and a net between the from and the back. I had to stop within an hour because they could get by it. Elwha wanted to ride by my feet and Sol Duc under the seat.

So then I set up their crate in the back seat and put both cats and the catbox and water into it. They didn’t love it but it worked. I would put their harnesses on and then put them in the carrier to go in to motels.

It was pretty exciting to check into a motel with two cats.

A new place to explore each evening.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: panorama.

Northern lights

Walt Kelly wrote this poem, which I love.

Northern lights

Oh, roar a roar for Nora,
Nora Alice in the night,
For she has seen Aurora
Borealis burning bright.

A furore for our Nora!
And applaud Aurora seen!
Where, throughout the Summer, has
Our Borealis been?

________________________

A friend named her daughter Nora and I sent her a copy. I especially love the word furore, because it doesn’t rhyme , even though it seems like it should.

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: aurora.

Elwha is still missing and I did not see the aurora, though tons of friends have posted pictures. This shot of Elwha is from January. I wonder if he saw the lights in the sky?