I wrote this poem a long time ago. I was thinking about how being a physician and taking care of other people let me avoid my own feelings. Doctors are trained to hide their feelings. When I was an intern, a patient died on my day off. I came back to find the person gone. No one on the team said anything. I was afraid I’d done something wrong. Was it my fault? Finally I screwed up my courage and spoke the the attending physician. “Oh!” he said, “I meant to talk to you about that patient. They had a lethal pulmonary embolus from the clot in their leg. They were appropriately anticoagulated. You did nothing wrong. This happens.”
I think the war is more of the same. Chaos, to avoid feeling. Let’s not do that. Let us grieve as a world. Let us not melt down in a conflagration. That is my prayer.
If there’s a mess And chaos Home that’s home Busy busy Run around Fire fire Fix it Crisis Now what Deal with it
No time for feelings
I don’t want chaos Liar liar
Chaos is so safe
Hero hero Put out the fire Catch the baby Confront Not a hero really Scared Hiding
If I stop the chaos I will have to feel
Maybe it’s ok To feel a little
I forgive myself I understand the chaos I can let go of it by degrees
I feel so vulnerable In the quiet clean safe place Take your time sweet self
Unfortunately, the trunk, twenty feet high, had split in half in high winds. So now it was a very dangerous very tall living cedar that is going to come down and is right next to a house.
An expert was consulted. He said the tree could not be taken down intact. Each of the four tall trunks would have to come down individually. This is terribly dangerous, because felling trees is dangerous enough, but when you are up IN the tree, it is worse.
There are four men and me. I am there with a camera. I do not help at all, I just try to stay well out of the way.
When the last trunk fell, it swung towards me and they shouted “Run!” It had slipped of the trunk and can’t be controlled as well even though there was a cable and a machine pulling in the desired direction. I ran and I am still here, thankfully.
For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: WAR. I wish we were all just working and there was no war.
No names or faces, because you know, those loggers are shy and wild, right?
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