Exercise the wanting self

Achy this morning

Busy on Monday
Virus on Tuesday
Throwing up and
cancelled clinic
Beloved visitors all week
Worked, nauseated Wednesday
Thursday almost better
Evening festive
But up 1 to 4 am
with someone way too sick
phone to specialists
six times
finally I tell her
if she is not transferred
I think she will die
She chooses to go
Slightly groggy clinic Friday
Hard to type

Achy on Saturday

I make myself
go to the pool
to swim laps
I know
it will help

In the water
the wanting self
is noisy
I want goggles
I am wearing a mask
It leaks
Why haven’t I gotten goggles
I deserve them
Moratorium on spending
currently
and haven’t had time
and I want that
beginner yoga kit
and other things

The wanting self
makes me tired
and it is silly
to want so much
Stymied, the wanting self
goes on about work
I am on lap number twelve
I think
I am uncomfortable
with Mr. J in clinic
who keeps wanting
more pain medicine
and complains about
my boundaries
In the water
I realize
that he is no more comfortable with me
than I with him
I am pleased
to admit that
and can refer him
to a pain clinic
The lady next to me
has a powerful breast stroke
long deep glide
under the water
The wanting self
wants to swim like her
Why don’t I exercise more often?
I am lazy
Maybe I will exercise
before my first cup of tea
every morning
The wanting self
builds castles in the water
plans
that wash away
I wonder if the wanting self
builds up
is stored
in my muscles
and exercise
exorcises
the wanting self
That would explain
fibromyalgia
better than anything
I know of
and why exercise
is the best treatment
and maybe that is why
exercise
and exorcise
are so close
I picture all our
wanting selves
sloshing around the pool
released
they dissipate
Does chlorine
inhibit their return
to our bodies?
We climb sleek
from the pool
and shower

I am less achy
still tired
but my muscles feel
polished
pumped
blood flow
has returned

I must exercise
more often
and exorcise
the wanting self

12 thoughts on “Exercise the wanting self

  1. This is very much my steam of consciousness while swimming experience. Well put.
    And why do I also think ‘I must exercise more’ and don’t follow up…. you caught this all soo well.

  2. tjparis says:

    I enjoyed reading this as a piece of poetry but sympathise with your plight. Thanks for sharing! :)

  3. EMGN Designs says:

    Excellent! I like the “wanting self” moniker better than my self-proclaimed “whiny self.” They’re siblings, I’m sure. Thank you for this beautiful piece.

  4. Oh yes! You really have the kind of in the face honesty…and very effective by the way…that I haven’t yet had the guts to muster up in my blogging. ‘Telling it real’ my young friends call it.
    I could have used some pool laps last week!

  5. Reblogged this on WysJoyFul Company and commented:
    I couldn’t do a poem response so I will do a Wednesday
    #Reblog exercise

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