If control is the goal
this is not love.
If I listen to others
yet don’t share myself,
this is not love.
If you hoard information about others,
this is not love.
If I reject people I can’t control,
this is not love.
If you have to be the smartest,
this is not love.
If I have to know the most,
this is not love.
If you keep everything secret,
this is not love.
If I share nothing with others,
this is not love.
Is it fear that keeps me from loving?
Is it anger that keeps you from loving?
Is it hate that keeps me from loving?
What keeps us from loving?
KO Rural Mad As Hell Blog 
In my experience it’s fear and lack of understanding. There’s also a thing that’s hard for me to define, but it’s fear that the other person might be as smart as you if not smarter. I don’t have that fear but some of my wouldbe beloveds suffered from that.
I got that in spades from someone when I got COVID, sigh.