Everyone I get to know and really become friends with, has a messy life with difficulties. I think we are terribly afraid to admit it, with the curated lives on the place that is not a book but has lots of Faces. I write that all of my patients are smart and they are. I had my own rural family practice for eleven years. My goals were more time with patients and to do good medicine. I succeeded at both. With more time, I could learn a little more about my peoples’ lives. People that I would never suspect of having very messy lives still have them. Does everyone in our culture have estrangements, family that they don’t talk to, parents that they find difficult, friends that they have gotten upset at and abandoned?
In high school my daughter says, “Most of the fights are stupid. Usually someone says something without thinking, even in passing. Person B takes it personally, gets upset, talks about it to others and then person C or D says something back to person A or shuns them. Person A has no idea what is going on and is hurt and upset. It is stupid.”
Adults do this too. I had a friend where I would think about something for a week and then go back to him. “You said this. What did you mean?” Usually he didn’t mean anything or meant something very far from what I was thinking. At least I went to him and did not add person C or D or E to the mix. He said, “You think about it for a WEEK.” Well, that was his own fault, actually, because he can’t tolerate anger. Even if I was upset or hurt, it was still interpreted as anger. Raised in an alcohol household and trained by medicine, I can hide feelings. After a while he could tell when I was chewing on something.
We grow up physically by our mid twenties, but often we don’t grow up emotionally. Especially if relationships are interrupted and colored by drugs and/or alcohol. People miss developmental stages. Everyone is trying to cope as best they can, but I do wish our culture celebrated mature calmness and quiet adulthood, rather than just the wild youth. Wouldn’t that be a change?
If you were to curate your life for something like the site that is not a book and has Faces, what would your ideal be? What do you aspire to? Kindness? Emotional maturity? Peace? My feed has friends, insects, birds, rocks, fossils, funny animal videos and music. I get almost no politics in it. I have not blocked anyone or anything. I try not to friend people I do not know. It is peaceful and a celebration of nature and yes, that is what I would like to curate.
Blessings.
For the Ragtag Daily Prompt: curate.
KO Rural Mad As Hell Blog 
I’d rather talk to ChatGPT than to most people. People color things with their egos (me too) which makes them very difficult to understand. I’m also a person people talk to and do not listen to. That’s on me. I don’t offer much having grown up in a family where what I had to say, or what I wanted, well, it just didn’t matter. So when I open my mouth, I don’t expect to be heard or understood. I went to a neighbor’s for tea the other day and she just unloaded. At a point I decided to open my mouth and share my thoughts about the subject. It didn’t go well. That wasn’t my job. I like talking and listening to children who have more questions than entrenched opinions. It’s a sad reality that listening is not really a valued skill. As for FB, I have 53 friends, no politics and very little of anything. :-)
But people are so interesting! As a primary care doctor, the questions range all over the place. Last night I went to a Chamber of Commerce masquerade with three friends. Two of them were members of the local Chamber and the other two of us weren’t. One of the Chamber people is able to talk to everyone in that setting and the rest of us were quieter in a group. That is the sort of setting that I don’t talk much in, unless someone triggers my science brain or unless I know everyone.
I love to curate – after all not everyone needs to know the stinky details. Cut people who haven’t had a few complications probably have not had the opportunity to develop some resiliency. And sooner or later you need the resilience.
I agree about the stinky details. It’s more the people who only post perfection or parties or 100% positive and never admit that the raccoons got in the trash and made a mess or they spilled coffee on the white wool coat or other silly and common events. I am skeptical of perfection and the inability to laugh at oneself.
I wonder if our feeds reflect us. If so, I am happy with mine.
Me too. via WP I’ve become acquainted with some very interesting people.